I Just Found Out My Fiance Didn't Get Me A V Day Card Even Though He Had Plenty Of Time

[Queen Boudica]

Oh she had a lot of fear about becoming a woman. But she also didn't want to do any work, look after herself, cook, clean and she would say she would always get her own way and she would. My mother put fear of men into us, so becoming a woman was terrifying, and she wanted us kept child like so she could control us. She actually rewarded my sister for being the baby, so my sister was used to behaving like a spoilt child anyway. We were so shy and scared. That is all she knew, she thought my mother loved her. I woke up to my mother when I was about 4. But my sister was so clingy for my mother. I was distant she was clingy, she needed someone to look after her. I knew no-one would look after me. UGH confusing. Anyway yes way off post but interesting. (well to me)

 

[ms spock]

Oh I think suicidal BPD is a tough one. You can't be expected to handle that. You did the best you could. My sister did loads of suicide attempts. I could say a lot about them, the professionals thought most of them were about attention seeking and I know she said some of them were. I don't know. I just know one day she succeeded and she was very down and alone. But she used her own meds, over-prescribed a months supply when they knew she was abusing them and had attempted suicide multiple times. Just a disaster.

It is a really extreme form of attention getting. There must be a tremendous amount of emotional pain behind such attempts. How as a society do we let little people be so badly treated that we let them get that bad? It really makes me question whether we are a civilisation after all? How do people stand by and let it happen? They do, they stand by and let it happen. And the recent cuts to mental health are criminal, but I won't go into that.

 

[ms spock]

My mother put fear of men into us, so becoming a woman was terrifying, and she wanted us kept child like so she could control us. She actually rewarded my sister for being the baby, so my sister was used to behaving like a spoilt child anyway. We were so shy and scared. That is all she knew, she thought my mother loved her. I woke up to my mother when I was about 4. But my sister was so clingy for my mother. I was distant she was clingy, she needed someone to look after her. I knew no-one would look after me. UGH confusing.

:(

Maybe she saw you going without and couldn't go there?

As children we have no sense that things will end. Well I still have a problem with that. But really it is mind boggling.

And the mental health workers didn't pick up on this? Bizarre.

 

[ms spock]

@sun seeker That would be hard going.

My father was similar. Though he inflicted violence at those times.

 

[Queen Boudica]

No they just drugged her up like a zombie. She was dragged out of the bath naked because my mother called the police because my sister was obsessive compulsive about washing and wouldn't come out of the bath. She was a shy timid girl who hid in the bathrooms at school because she was so shy and they dragged her out of the bathroom into the ambulance and stuck her in a mental health ward.

When I visited her there that weekend (I had just left home for uni the previous week) she was unrecognisable from the girl I had left a week ago, I collapsed to the ground, I couldn't believe what they had done to her. And I was shouting what have you done to her. Her legs had bruises on the inside of her thighs, she was dribbling, she couldn't walk straight, she spoke slurred, she was incontinent. She looked like an imbecile. The supposed psychiatrist shouted back at me angrily that my sister had been throwing herself on the floors and walls that's why she had bruises. My sister told me later they had forced pills down her that's why the bruises on her legs. She would have been terrified and wanted to go home so she would have tried to escape and shouted and screamed, so they drugged her up and said she had schizophrenia. She didn't, she showed no signs of schizophrenia when I was home. I was too scared and shocked. Even the nurse there came up to me, I was 18 and asked me if I felt guilty for putting my sister in hospital. Think my mother had been telling them it was because I had left to go to uni and my sister had a break down. That's what she did later, blamed me for being so selfish and abandoning my sister when all I wanted to do was escape that nightmare house.

 

[shell]

. It just hurts that I have to tell him every year.

Actually you don't have to tell him every year, that is your choice, just like it is your choice to be angry at his failure to live up to your expectations.

When you learn to accept others for who they are and to receive their love because your own issues don't get in the way, then may be you will be secure enough in his love for you to leave him alone and not rely on commercialism to make you feel better.

 

[ms spock]

The ways in which those kinds of mothers use their children against each other is so diabolical.

You would think that a psychiatric nurse would know better than to pass on family messages.

I still feel guilty for leaving my siblings behind, even though it saved their lives. And that was 30 years ago. They are good at instilling that stuff.

That's what she did later, blamed me for being so selfish and abandoning my sister when all I wanted to do was escape that nightmare house.

You had to go @Lizio - no point the both of you dying. And your sister couldn't see your mother, so there was no saving her.

And that is so evil of your mother.

 

[ms spock]

@Kristina25 you ask and he gets you something. So he responds to your requests. So that is something to notice.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

@Lizio .. your story breaks my heart! :(

 

[stuckinmyhead]

Have you considered that maybe he might want to surprise you? My wife sucks at gifts and presents, but once in a while she surprises me as part of an effort to show that she doesn't ALWAYS forget lol and she knows it hurts my feelings when I get her and our kids presents and then we don't get anything. It makes me feel selfish, but at the same time it's nice to see your efforts returned to you, so maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see what happens?
I think your relationship may suffer though if you don't give a little slack on this sort of thing though, not everybody sees it as being as important as others of us do.

 

[Tanishq]

I don't think I am very good at replying

Lizio, I think you are very good at replying. You deserve credit for doing so. I read one of your reply to Kristina's thread, honestly it made me picture you sitting next to her and patiently talking with her.

Sorry I'm still trying to work it out and I never can.

It's working, otherwise she wouldn't reply you. :)

 

[Jakalynd]

Girl, as a woman who has been married for 30 years (and is finally getting divorced) to a man who habitually forgot Valentines Day, Christmas, Anniverseries, birthdays and blah blah blah, on and on - get out of Dodge. Run, don't walk. It will only get worse as the years go by. I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts to be forgotten or just disregarded. You have a right to be hurt and angry.