I Just Want To Escape.

[sonicwhite]

I'm tired of waking up everyday in the same depression. Why I haven't gone back to my old ways is because ppl that I knew thought I was some kind of cop. Makes sense when you drop everything over night. But even now I could find new friends but am to shy and and just think it's too much work. Depression sucks. I would like to have energy but the rate it's going I have none and it feels as tho it's getting worse. I dedicated my life to Christ. The number one reason I don't go back to things but this narrow road is heartbreaking to say the least. I just want to be able to have fun but I know I will always take it a bit farther until the day I will end up dying from it. Life just sucks.

 

[Friday]

So, perhaps instead of street drugs to self medicate your depression, which have the pesky little side effect of destroying your health and your life... Find a good doctor and look at getting on depression meds?

 

[The Albatross]

Strikes me as one hell of a reason to not do your maladaptive behavior Sonic, "Why I haven't gone back to my old ways is because ppl that I knew thought I was some kind of cop." Care to rephrase that?

Post withdrawal (provided you've been abstinent) ... you do realize that part of what your experiencing is post acute withdrawal symptom right?

If you aren't inclined to do the care or maintenance for your own room... and deal with room mates... I think "I could find new friends but am to shy" is a bit of avoidant thinking but can be wrong.

You setting yourself up for relapse? Surely hope not.

 

[The Albatross]

I Just Want To Escape. in forum: Medications & Substances

How Do You
I need to clean my room, stop making excuses and just do it. in forum: Discussion

My Roommates Call Me Lazy
It's the fact that I have roommates and pay cheap where I live. They don't understand that I am healing and yet still depressed. in forum: PTSD Relationships


Reading back it seems like you're setting yourself up. What are you resisting doing to improve your situation? What are you avoiding?... Get up off your mat and walk. By that I do not mean to the self medication of your choice. Spend some time in prayer and self reflection and endeavor to do something to change your situations.

You are feeding the distress and are willing to spend time on that... but not to clean your room, work on your relationships with your roommates ... no wonder you're now wanting to escape. BUT in recovery, ya got to endeavor to do. Do clean your room, do work on your relationships, do work on your depressive aspect, do recognize that you may be going through post acute withdrawal and DON'T use.

 

[sonicwhite]

Honestly I don't know. Drugs would be the easy answer. Therapy and keeping myself doing things is the right answer. I have always try to run from my problems. Back in 05 the psychosis would of been avoided had I stayed in the health department and seen the results of a HIV test. But they saw that my pulse was high and went to go get someone. From there I thought ppl cops and everything else was after me.



Right now I just feel when I wake up eh new day so what, what can I do to get out of this depression. Same thing everyday. I know little by little if I work on myself with a therapist and can eventually get there to where I'm atleast somewhat happy. But I have been in this mode since 08 and it just feels like I'm in the ocean way to far to pull myself back to shore.


I know these are excuses but that's how I feel. We tried meds, they don't work. Unless they give you a benzo or a stim you can almost bet that you will have to wait and wait trial and error before something works. Idk what to do. I'm not going back to drugs but I'm not going to go through medication anymore either. I guess just talk therapy will be good and is the answer.

 

[The Albatross]

Rewire your brain... there is a goal/challenge to retrain your brain to scan for the neutral or positive rather than the negative... in the last few minutes of this vid if you endeavor to do what is suggested, there is some advantage. But again that requires doing. Or ya can try the second one... Joe's cold water therapy.

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Neuroplasticity and learning the skill of being willing to be uncomfortable for a time are big deals. Honest.

 

[Seasounds]

A lot of people go through many attempts to 'be free' of drugs before they kick the habit. Freedom from drug use (sobriety) is a learned behavior.

The hope is that each time you are sober, that you can also be more connected to and trust people to help you, building the skills to have healthy relationships, a new life. It takes a village to create change. It is not realistic or expected of anyone, to go through withdrawal alone.

Sure, each attempt has its pain, and each attempt can bring the joy of having one more experience that generates hope, a bit more success, a longer time being sober/free of drugs.

From what I know, It is best to have medical and psychological help, because it can be too hard, or physically dangerous, or a set up for another use, if you go through it alone. Yes, the docs may give you benzodiazepines to help you safely transition to being off drugs.

Depending on where you are, you can call 911 to get resources, or go to any 12 step meeting for example NA (narcotics anonymous) or AA (Alcoholics Anonymous ), just to get connected to people who needed and got the same kind of help you need.

Hope you connect to knowing you are a good person, I know you are. Keep using this forum for helpful ideas. Hope you write more. Huggs to you.

 

[sonicwhite]

I just really feel broken, not hurt. A broken person that cannot be fixed. I had a therapist back in 2012 2013 I just left because I felt like it was the same thing over and over plus being on Xanax didn't help I was always tired and forgetful. Now I realize that I wasted my twenties on recovery. About to be 31 live in a house with four men. I make ssdi which no women is going to go for. All I have is my faith. I asked God please bring me someone but it never happens.



I am however down to one mg of risperdal and continuing in reducing a lot more medication. Had I realized in 08 that I didn't need medication but just someone to share my feeling with I don't think I would of been thru the anxiety and addictions I have been thru. A lot of these medications have side effects. But they say it will help. Had they gone done the list of what could happen I would of said no. Like weight gain anxiety obsessive thoughts apathy. Ugh. This time it wasn't my fault. In 05 when I had the psychosis it was. Doing drugs to the extreme made me lose my marbles. Now I have nothing. Trusted doctors instead of God put me in a bind that feels impossible to get out of.

 

[Seasounds]

What if you found someone to be your friend while you go through your process? A non-judgmental doctor or a 12 step sponsor.

Being close to someone who has a level of health that you desire, can be a good move.

Granted, find the right person, may take some experimentation, just like finding the best way to live free of drugs. Huggs!