I Kept Myself Together For Once...(Actually Twice)

[Jade-]

Normally when there is any kind of major stress I completely shut down and I'm unable to function at all.

Yesterday I was called out of work and told to go to the hospital because my husband needed emergency surgery. I was able to drive myself to the hospital, talk to the surgeon and do everything I needed to do. Normally I'm not even able to drive or speak or do anything really. This was a major progression for me.

I was also able to make a left hand turn while driving to my session this morning without having a panic attack. I did have a flashback but was able to keep going and did fine. I'm happy about this. It will be nice to turn left instead of always making sure I'm in the right lane only and only make right turns. It should save gas too....ever try not making left turns? Sometimes I have driven for 1/2 an hour to get somewhere that should have taken 10 minutes.:smile:

 

[James B.]

Am glad for you Jadebear. Hoping your husband is going to be OK.

 

[Jade-]

Thanks james. Hubby is doing much better now.

 

[Iam]

YAY Jade!!!! I am so happy for and proud of you!

 

[Jade-]

Thanks Iam. If people really knew me(and I think you do) they would understand just how significant these 2 things were for me.

 

[curiouser]

Jadebear, this is good news all around! I'm glad your husband is ok and that you were able to make some more progress. If the left turn issue ever comes up again, you now have memory and experience of it working out ok and you being fine afterwards and can recall it if you need to.

 

[Jade-]

Thanks curiouser. This was actually a big confidence booster for me(something I needed).

And it's been so long since I have been able to make left turns, I'm really stoked about it.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jade,

That is wonderful. Sounds like you're doing much better. I hope you husband has a speedy recovery.

ITL

 

[Jade-]

Thanks ITL. I finally feel like I'm doing much better(opposed to pretending like I am).

I realize there's a big difference in actually feeling a certain way and pretending to feel a certain way...

 

[anthony]

Its good that you are actually confirming for yourself your own hard work is paying off. It is slow, but it does add-up as you continue to push yourself. Yes, you will fall down at times, but that is the illness... just accept it, don't fight it. You will find your downs become little and your ups dominate your life again. That is the idea of exposure therapy... its that real world / life actions that do the most good within our own brains by confirming what we know, putting knowledge into action and applying it, then measuring the end result, which you are starting to do.

Keep up the hard work Jade and you will find it gets easier and easier as the years go on... keep pushing, keep finding and creating new boundaries for yourself.

 

[AdamAnt]

That's great Jade! And yep, the best part of it is not what you did as much as how it gives you confidence to keep forging ahead.

You should get medals for battles won so that you can just look down and know you have what it takes to win yet another one. Bravo!

 

[Jade-]

Thanks Adam. LOL, medals would be nice...but I think I'll be reminded every time I go to make a left turn now.

I know not making left turns probably sounds silly, but seriously, try driving somewhere and not turning left (even if you need to). I think avoiding those turns has been more work and effort than actually doing it.

I really think I will be ok with the turns now. As far as how I deal with emergencies and stuff, hopefully I will be able to deal with those a little better each time. Those are too unpredictable to know how we will react even without ptsd.