I Know, I Know Why! I Know Why I Don't Remember!

[fin]

I can see that there is a change from reading your first diary entries and reading what you post now....that was what I meant when I posted to your diary Grama-Herc....About How far we have come. Soo far GramaHerc.
I hope you didnt mind what I wrote there...I do sincerely believe it.

 

[pandora]

Hi Herc....going to open houses tomorrow. Meet with the bank and real estate monday...it is happening...everything seems to be in our favour right now, it is a buyers market here and the interest rates are amazing at 4%, when i bought my house 10 years ago I was paying 6.9%...so it is a great time to buy, locked in for 5 years at that rate. Mortgage rates have not been that low in many, many years.

I am very excited...my Mom is too. She is having it all painted and new floors, depending on what it needs and she is buying us a brand new high efficiency washer and dryer.!!!I am so excited about that. It is going to be a big job again but like I told my mother this time I move,I swear I am going to glue myself to the floor!!!! ha ha ha..I am NEVER moving again after this! My own home again...my dreams and wishes and prayers were answered for this. Security, investment, stability for my son, a place to call my own and decorate any way that I want, clean, clean, clean and no stalker for a neighbor and I will be able to at least try to stop isolating so much as I will feel proud to have people over. I would never bring someone that did not know me prior to living here...it is falling apart and needs so much work. I took it in a panick situation and she is going to have a hard time renting it for sure.....OK..rambling, time for a nap. Thanx for asking though Herc....

 

[Lisa]

Lisa,

What a nice thing to say and the psitive feedback is appreciated.

You are correct, we don't get positive feed very often. Do you really hear that much of a change in me?

I just know that having my daughter back in my life has changed everything. I am still shcoked. I find myself some times just sitting and shaking my head in disbelief and gratitude.

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you !

Yeah, absolutely... you are more positive, facing things head on, more hopeful...You seem to have accepted some things that are very important to your healing, which you seem to feeling the benefit of whereas you once didn't know how to do or weren't able to do that. You're also realistic about it all... you know it's not fixed just yet, but you know where to go from here. Just things I pick up anyway, it just sounds very different to the last time I was here and reading all about this :smile: Things have really come a long way for you since I was last here actively. When you're in it... slogging away, day by day, it's hard to see the small edges forward amongst the setbacks.... but when someone steps back and looks over it all, what you've been through and how different it is now... it's significant. You should be proud!

 

[Grama-Herc]

Lisa

I guess you are right! When I think about it, a lot of things have happened and changed. Some good and some not so good, but that is LIFE!

I am more positive in my thinking and should be proud of that fact. Just did not realize I had come so far. Bless you for pointing it out to me. It does help!

I still have a lot of unresolved memory issues that I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO OF and my sense is that the eruption of facts is close. I am obcessing about it but try as I might I can't quite get this out of my brain. I want to know. I WANT TO KNOW.

I still need to remember giving birth. I still need to remember "MY CHILDHOOD", my teenage years. Still have many many memories to get back. Good Bad Whatever
I need them

 

[Grama-Herc]

It has been some time since my initial revelation. I had actually forgotten about this thread. While looking around this evening I stumbled upon it and thought I should do an update.

As time goes by and my daughter and I speak more often(every morning) more and more is being revealed about our former life together. I am still being amazed at the things my daughter is telling me. She keeps say, Hey Mom, remember=====? My response====NO!

The part of this that has become so priceless is that she is filling in so many blanks that I never even knew I had.

She is finally beginning to understand the depth of my condition and that much of what happened was not because I was a bad person. I was a sick person. "Big Big difference."

My memories are having a hard time returning on their own, but with the help of my daughter I am getting some of them back.

Just knowing WHY I don't remember so much of my life has made a real difference in me. I don't have all the answers but I got some of them!!!!

Now all I need to do is figure out why my childhood is a blank and I will have what I consider "All the pieces"