Relationship I Lost My Temper :(

[Sephira]

Hi everyone, haven't posted in a while but having a real down type of day. PTSD is such a monster!! My beloved avoided me all weekend, he's under major stress and he just didn't spend any time. His M.O. when he avoids is to leave me a quick text, to know he's okay then not respond back to any of mine. So he left his message that he was tired, and that he was taking a one month vacation from work...then nothing for basically the rest of the weekend. When he called on Sunday, he told me he just avoided me Saturday because he just couldn't tolerate me or the sound of my voice.I lost my temper with him -my tone wasn't nice-in fact it was pretty bitchy to be honest. I try so hard to give him space, but sometimes, I fail at it. And when he is so brutally honest, he hurts my feelings.

So, today is Tuesday and he has left me quick texts since that night but we haven't spoke. I miss him so much, and he keeps avoiding me. I've alternated between wanting to scream every curse I know and curling into a ball and weeping.

I feel so stupid, I *know* that I need to be kind, and that my tone triggers him. I also know I need to choose a good time to talk to him about any behavior that bothers me. I messed up, big time.

I have a paper due today, and am so focused on him and how bad I feel, I am having a hard time getting it done. I just want to crawl back in bed :( Talk about codependency

Just worried I guess, we've been through worse but we were doing so well! Then I opened up my big mouth and let my temper take over :( The worst thing is... every time I mess up, he questions whether he can trust me or not. Bleh

 

[JohnJohn]

I am having a bad day too. It seems like we can't have good days without some bad ones too.

My wife wanted to go out to eat with me and our daughter today when she picked her up to spend the night. I looked forward to it and stayed positive, but my wife's apathy is just so crushing to me. Its like the lights are always on but emotionally she is blank, except for the anger and short fuse.

Hang in there Sephira you are not alone and tomorrow is another day. Until then I am screaming on the inside too with frustration.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Sorry you are going through this.

 

[evergreen]

You are human! There is no way to be perfect all the time. PLEASE be patient and forgiving with yourself.

 

[Sephira]

JohnJohn, I'm so sorry. Doesn't it just make you want to scream and yell? I hate feeling helpless and during my sweetheart's periods of avoidance-that's how I feel. I'm subject to his needs and must wait until he is more centered. The waiting is the hardest part for me. The missing him too-I miss his voice and his laugh and just about everything when he is gone.

My sweetheart often is apathetic during the worst of an episode and it gets old. He treats me like a friend at best then, a stranger at worst. It crushes your heart, I know. I've decided to take care of myself tonight. I took a long hot shower, and made some dinner. Now I'm going to do my homework and doze. If he calls tonight (I hope) I'll be rested, if not hopefully I'll be able to deal with it.

Hopefully, you can do something similar and you'll have a good day tomorrow. Isn't it wonderful when after a bad day we see a spark of the person we are in love with? It makes me so happy.

 

[JohnJohn]

I hope she call or texts too. It's funny how we hold on or look for any sign or feedback from them that shows they care for us. I guess I will take the guys version of decompression and watch a action movie I guess. Anything to take my mind away from the constant thoughts of loss and dejection.

It really stinks when I don't even have my daughter to keep me occupied in the empty home, that use to be full of family laughter. Today is a tough one, but I will not let it beat me without a fight. Until then I will keep my chin up and soldier on as best as I can.

Thank you Sephira for reminding me I am not alone and we need to stay strong for loved ones and friends alike going through this emotional quagmire.

 

[Sephira]

Anytime John John, thank you as well! It's so rare to find someone who "gets" how we feel.. that's why this forum is really wonderful! I understand your regret about your daughter-my son is with his father. Being alone makes things harder-and often makes you wish for what used to be all the more. We'll make it though, even the worst day will last only 24 hours!

Hope your movie is good-I often zone out with netflix as well... easy to forget things for a bit that way! Take care!

 

[LizardViolet]

My bf has been avoiding me, too. So make some room for me on the frustrated, angry, missing him bench. I've been having a lot of stress connected with my son's health in the past month, which also stressed out my husband, so we had some conflict. So I stayed home a couple of evenings when I might have gone to my boyfriend's. And he's taking MY stress personally and has decided that I don't care about him. I haven't seen him in a week and a half, when usually we spend a few nights a week together. Give me a point for one thing, though, I've been keeping my frustration to myself.

I really hate when he acts like a three-year-old. Sometimes I'd like to go back in time and slap some sense into the mother who neglected and abused him.

My escape of choice just lately is episodes of SMASH, and old episodes of Saturday Night Live on Netflix. It's fun to see the comedians and stars in their younger, ten-years-ago incarnations. And I'm trying to get some work done, too. Give yourself credit for all the positive and constructive things you do even when you feel like crap!