General I Made A Decision, I Need To Leave, But Need Some Foundation

[BloomInWinter]

Here's info on 'Financial Abuse' -

"Financial Abuse - Controlling all the money, concealing joint assets or shared money, keeping partner impoverished, blowing all the family money." Source: [DLMURL]http://leavingabuse.com/what_is_abuse.html[/DLMURL]

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[Eleanor]

Sam - Sounds like you have made some good decisions. Re Health Insurance: if you are a full time student you should have access to some form of health insurance - you should check with your university. Also, there are often public health programs to help diabetics without insurance. I am confused tho - are you married? or just affianced to your sufferer? If married - you should talk to the chaplain of your guy, and his CO - verbal abuse is abuse - and no mistake about that. Also, if you are married, just because he doesn't "let" you have access to the money doesn't mean it isn't half yours - he doesn't have to "let" you. If you are not, your options are more limited. Are you living on base or in military housing?

If you report him you will certainly begin a chain of events - and that is as it should be. You will not "ruin his career" - if he is thinking of getting out he isn't terribly committed to it anyhow, is he? PTSD is a real disability and a real potential liability in his work - and just because it is (for the moment) invisible to his superiors does not make it a virtue - or better for anyone who relies on him. Let them know.

To be clear: threatening violence to you is (legally speaking) assault. If he hit you that would be "battery".

Bloom is right, however, the best place to go is a women's shelter - they have "all the answers". You are not the first to walk this road - and they have the experience of how to handle it. Benefit from their hard earned expertise.

Not sure why your daughter should have to be without her mom. If it is bad enough to get her out of there - it is more than bad enough that you should be gone too. Just my opinion....

Wishing you strength and clarity....

 

[JohnJohn]

Sam,

Hope things are better for you by now and a domestic violence center gave you some help and advice on your options. Don't forget if he is your husband or "common law" spouse then he has financial obligations under the law. Most domestic centers can advise you of your state's specific laws in this situation and some even offer pro bono (free) legal assistance. Ask for it if you can.

Again, hope you and daughter are doing better. I am taking care of our daughter while waiting for my wife to get help for her past trauma. Remember if you don't take care of yourself then you can't take care of anyone else.

Good luck.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Sam, I hope things are improving for you?

For me, I can speak from the perspective of my childhood growing up in a house full of fear, agression and violence. I can testify to the harm it did me and the long term pain still inside me, age 50.

As adults we have control and choices, children don't and can only look to their parents as role models to learn how to live their lives. If you fear for your safety, trust me, so will your child. And without adult knowledge or experience it is very easy for the child to internalise and process this in disturbing ways.

She may need a careful eye on behaviours: tantrums, withdrawal, food issues, bed wetting, nightmares, tearful out bursts, harming herself or others, destroying things.... just be mindful and loving, engage her in play and and answer her questions honestly in an age appropriate manner. She will need a strong anchor in this storm.

Ofcourse, we all live our own lives in unique ways and circumstances, so trust your gut to direct you - heart and head can be swayed.

Good luck to you both, courage and confidence. x