I Need Everyone's Opinion

[Shellbell]

Bill, I really relate to what you have said. I don't use the phrase 'forgiveness' anymore, it's too confusing and had too many understandable negative and emotive connotations.

I think as well though there is a time and place for the anger to be allowed and to feel the hurt caused. But, I think the problem lies in allowing that to continue for the rest of our lives.

I don't want to carry that anger, bitterness and hurt all my life. I want at some point to let it go and move on. I don't want what happened to me, or the abusers to have that negative control over me for life until the day I die.

And that 'letting go', 'moving on' is a choice to be made, that only we can make for ourselves. And it's an act of self love and self care, to do this.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I think your mixing up why someone would want to forgive. It's for you not them..

Actually, no.

I wasn't addressing the upside at all, just answering her initial question. She does not have to forgive her abuser. She may choose to forgive, but it's not required.

I have written many posts on this topic across this forum and have written why forgiving some has been good for my healing. But some, I still haven't forgiven and rather than beat myself up anymore for not - or let others 'should' on me about it - I instead leave forgiveness up to God.

...and that it as valid a choice as any.