I Need Some Alternative Perspectives

[Upside Down Eagle]

Sometimes I want to shout,"Say what the hell you mean goddamnit!"

Exactly :D. It´s actually kind of healthy, to want that out of others, I think. But we live in a type of society where people are afraid to say anything, because they choose to believe that their actions will hurt other people, and thus they´d be guilty. I don´t think this is necessarily true.

For example I used to have a couple of good teachers and a couple of really bad ones at the university. Nobody dared say to the good teacher how good they were, and nobody dared critique the bad ones. If honesty is avoided like this, then there is no confrontation and no interpersonal development. I dislike that about this society.

If you can figure out a screening process for finding straight forward people, please share it.

I think the important part of this, is that like attracts like. I didn´t use to be straightforward and I was always scared of saying what was on my mind, because I was scared of losing people. Now, I always make clear (from the start) with new friends that I am a straightforward person and expect more of the same...

I hope you´ll find the right persons in time and develop friendships with them.

 

[shimmerz]

If you can figure out a screening process for finding straight forward people, please share it.

Say no to something. Don't be too invested in the outcome.

Stand back and watch the reaction.

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

He was a good influence in my life. He's one of the people who kept me alive and he probably doesn't know that. I'd like him to know that, and I'd like him to know what he was actually dealing with back then.

@scout86 This made me cry. I felt like someone just wrote my story/feelings down. Why are people so shit?

"I prefer straight talk too. I'm not very good at interpreting what some If you can figure out a screening process for finding straight forward people, please share it.
I avoid making friends because the process is to hard. I express my need for honesty without the sugar coating but keep getting the same wishy washy crap"

@Alice.in.Wonderland This makes me sad. I avoid this too. I can't do this anymore.
I loved your One/Two description. You are so intelligent.

Wish I could just hug you both.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I just realized something....

I could say to someone, "Just say what you mean!"

They could very well reply, "I just did."

I guess what I really want to say is, "Say what you mean, in a way I'll understand it."

Trauma, PTSD and dissociation during developmental years changes how the brain works.

Maybe this is one of the ways it works differently.

 

[stillstanding2]

I think it would be helpful if I also mentioned that he did show an interest in me at any time I was no...

I have been on the painful "other end" of a similar relationship, one that became very hazardous. I stayed in a co-dependent relationship for years beyond reason. We both had been traumatized, she, to the extent that hearing my concerns, my interests, my hopes and fears were off limits to mention. Yet she demanded my time and support with her issues. In time I lost myself and other friends, since her rages and panics kept me a nervous mess.

I feared breaking up with her, since abandonment was one of her monsters, and she had threatened suicide. Yet I finally found the courage to leave her and try to salvage some of my own personality. I explained it as nicely as I could to her over several months of her screaming, raging, crying phone calls. Yet she refused to understand or care that I was desperate too. After four years, her attempts to contact me have tapered to about once every six months. But I still feel the need to keep my guard up against another onslaught.

My therapist was blunt about my first misgivings about having to be so cruel. About my "what ifs" of staying in that relationship, she said, "It was going to kill you."

Maybe your relationship was completely different, and what I'm saying is useless. But is it possible that the Wizard did his best to explain, and you couldn't hear it? Is he perhaps trying to work though guilt for abandoning you, while trying to rebuild his own life? Just thoughts...