Sexual Assault I Outed My Rapist To His Parents

[ms spock]

I am horrified that people encouraged and in someway validated this behaviour.

I think that encouraging someone who has put themselves in this type of position is a form of negligence and enabling.

It is also supporting victim behaviour.

Yes let us as women who have been victimised put ourselves in a position to be sexually assaulted/ abducted and also killed. A lot of those a crimes of opportunity.

You do not give people the opportunity to do this to you.

This was a highly dangerous activity to engage in.

What if the father pounced on her when she mentioned the rape? What if the mother helped hold her down. It is not good enough to say it didn't happen Philippa. People don't just choose to become rapists - their is a whole family culture that is involved in this. The parents are probably the ones that made him the way he is - so the whole letter saying it is not their fault is not appropriate unless you find out that this is actually true and mostly it is not. I can't believe people are so naive to think that people exist outside a vacuum. People learn their behaviours somewhere, and mostly that is in their families.

This is really dangerous behaviour to engage in.

It also effects everyone else in the society and community around you. I supported a woman who had been raped and she pulled a stunt like this and after 6 months of work from me, everyone around her, the police, the detectives - the case was blown and the cops gave up. And I saw for the first time why they don't take on certain cases - because if the women are too unstable and do risky things like this - which in court can be brought up - if you were REALLY raped why the hell would you go to his place? You are wasting governmental and community resources and time - it is a disgrace to do that - there are limited resources. Also by stuffing people around like this you contribute to care fatigue - people stop helping other people because they don't want to waste their time and resources. I will never again do court support for anyone. My life and time is precious and if people want to stay in victim stuff then that is their choice, but don't suck me dry.

If we want rape to be taken seriously we have to not jeopardize our own cases, nor the future cases of other women or children.

 

[WillyKat]

Of course @Ms Spock, you're right. For my part, I was trying to be supportive of what had already occurred and didn't think that what I said might seem encouraging someone to do the same.

So for the record, don't do this. Confrontation is a potentially deadly serious business. Confrontation of our abusers (or the abusers of others for that matter) should only be done from a position of safety. It must be done in a manner that doesn't put our physical selves, or our efforts at recovery, at further risk.