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I Realize That I

I realize for the first time, duh!! That I have now very good friends and I sit back in awe and wonder how did this happen. I remember when I first came to the forum and did not have any friends at all because I had just moved to a brand new town and was so alone and depressed because I had no friends at all. I am in awe of this miracle.
 
Years ago I said a prayer to help my mom lose weight, she had gained some quitting smoking. I realize I felt happy when she was, but it turned out to be cachexia (severe)- from cancer. I realize I felt guilty I had felt happy for her for that (not realizing it was from C, of course).

Just something on my mind (stupid).
 
I am loved by my friends, and they're enough of lights to try beat the dang darkness for.

& That my kids still would want me..... /alive/. So I need to stay.

I also realize I need therapy so badly, but damned if I felt like trusting anyone new.
 

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