I Shouldn't Have Survived

[anonymous]

I'm just a burden on everyone and I should have died when I was eight. I'm wishing I hadn't survived. I have not managed to transition to adulthood. Can't work, can't have a proper relationship, etc etc etc

I'm worthless

I'll never manage to be a proper adult

There's no point anymore

I just don't want to be here

 

[Tinyflame]

Yep, me too or better still if I had not been born. Not helpful but you are not alone in that. :hug:

 

[DharmaGirl]

These are thoughts, and thoughts can be turned around. They are not truths. They will pass. I understand how hard it is to be in the depths of self hatred, but you are worthwhile.

 

[Tinyflame]

Too bad , thought I was anonymous lol.

Isn't it too bad how much shame even saying it 'out loud' brings. :(

 

[anonymous]

Thank you

I am in my 30s and have not worked for 15 years now and I can't due to illness, I just feel worthless and see no hope for the future

I'm in an abusive relationship and..
I might have to go back to my abusive mother. It's totally f*cked up, how did I end up with an abusive partner? Every day with her is hell, I hate her, I wish I had never met her, she further ruined my life and I feel so trapped

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I get that, and ironically giving up abuse for abuse. :(

I am working but body giving out and without I'd be, at best, homeless, which I can't bear. No help though, alone with all of it.

Hugs to you. Could you get an apartment, Social Assistance?

 

[Stickler]

Social services? if she's abusive, you should not have to put up with that.

 

[anonymous]

She controls the money, frequently yells at me for no reason, and I wouldn't put it past her to either get physically violent / stalk me / find a way of stopping me continuing to get disability benefits

(I'm female by the way)

I just.. Don't see a safe way out of this mess

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I understand! I couldn't grow up right after my trauma either. But, I wish I would have known in my 20's what I know now. Therapy helps so much, and do things for you no one else.
I am much in the same boat as you my friend. I feel bad for being alive a lot.

 

[illusionist]

What would be your options if your mother did not exist? What route would you go down to get out of the abusive relationship?

 

[Deleted member 39857]

I'm just a burden on everyone and I should have died when I was eight. I'm wishing I hadn't survived....

This unfortunately is your story. There are chapters in it. Trust me you think your age was 8 mine was 4-5 years old. I struggle with only remembering the bad everyday but there was good I swear somewhere! I've gotten some great pages in my story and some absolute atrocities too. Keep swinging and turn the pages in your story, there's something great in there for the future...

 

[Bloomy]

A bit older then you and first in late thirties I learned to quit abusive relationships. Havent had one of those for 5 years now. Also I realise that its first now that Im growing up. Trauma taken up so many years of my life. Its sucks to learn to be grown up when you are well over being grown up.
But hey - on the "funny side" a lot of people with no trauma to blame dont grow up at all. Like Trumph for instance. I say to my my self that as long as Im alive I better give it a try. To improve and move forward. Sure isnt easy. Rollercoaster ride would be a fitting description.
Sounds like you gotta start somewhere and abusie relationship seems to be your first stop. As long as you hold on to taht your not worth any more then that youll be kinda stuck.

Wish you all the best - take well care