I Think I Also Have Depression

[Deleted member 38242]

Along with ptsd I think I have always suffered from major depression, or for majorly depressed with my ptsd. I saw my therapist, and she said no one has to live in this pain of we have medications. And I increased my pristiq to 100mg.
If I am to recover I need support, and help. I have been hiding in my shame and humiliation over a ptsd psychosis I went into last year after a surgery, and my physical health was at a low with anemia, improper nutrition, and unhealthy sleep habits.
It's been difficult but I have to shake this off. Having three distinct issues one of depression, and one of ptsd, and one of bing drinking now cut down to once a week.
I need help and support, and I have it. I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to perceive anything correctly without the traumas of the past over shadowing my daily life.
I don't know how to feel good about myself, and don't feel good about myself. The deep shame and humiliation has never gone away. Healing is dificult, but I'm glad I'm not DID any more as I'm also integrating memories of a personality that was split off years ago. It was an odd form of DID, but has been completely opened up and no more split in reality I guess. Now I just don't always know what's real as depression has made me think I'm fundamentally a bad gross person in a bad gross body.
Support, and ability to get better is something I have to let happen I guess.

 

[garden]

My heart goes out to you Joanna Doe. Healing is hard. I am glad that you have support and meds in place. Feeling good is not easy to do naturally and this in itself is depressing to realize.

I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to perceive anything correctly without the traumas of the past over shadowing my daily life.
I don't know how to feel good about myself, and don't feel good about myself.

I so relate to this, and would not wish it upon anyone. Even with meds and support, the cycles continue for me, but I have learned a lot through therapy on how to manage, cope, and get back up when it seems that I am stuck in ground hog day/ptsd hell. I too often wonder if my frame of mind is the obstacle to my healing, as it's all so fragmented and complicated, and it's my own worst enemy. Seeing it as something that ebbs and flows and in a non-linear way, has helped, except when my mind isn't perceiving things quite the way they are...

Thank you for sharing this. :)