- Post starter
- #13
atl22,
I think we cling to anger because it gives us the false sense that we are in control, that we don't care, that everyone else can get screwed and we can then live our life. Anger is SO much easier than pain. Pain is paralyzing. However, anger isolates and hurts and is usually misdirected and, therefore, misunderstood. My ex told me all the time that I have "anger" issues and a "temper." It was only until recently that I truly began to understand that the anger replaced the pain....
I have cried so much in the last three years.... cried so hard.... that I have broken blood vessels on my nose from the force of it all coming out. I suspect there are thousands of more tears waiting to flow... and I hate that. I have always been "strong." I believe that "strength" has caused me light-years of non-healing. It is a mask, a facade and a way to self-protect. It does not allow for healing except under specific circumstances.
I'm sorry you lived through a war zone. I think the 2.5 hours is okay for now. Actually, even I would avoid that sort of reminder.... a reminder that so many things in the world are horrifying.... even not ever having lived there. It is no surprise that, as a survivor from it, you avoid it, too.
I think we cling to anger because it gives us the false sense that we are in control, that we don't care, that everyone else can get screwed and we can then live our life. Anger is SO much easier than pain. Pain is paralyzing. However, anger isolates and hurts and is usually misdirected and, therefore, misunderstood. My ex told me all the time that I have "anger" issues and a "temper." It was only until recently that I truly began to understand that the anger replaced the pain....
I have cried so much in the last three years.... cried so hard.... that I have broken blood vessels on my nose from the force of it all coming out. I suspect there are thousands of more tears waiting to flow... and I hate that. I have always been "strong." I believe that "strength" has caused me light-years of non-healing. It is a mask, a facade and a way to self-protect. It does not allow for healing except under specific circumstances.
I'm sorry you lived through a war zone. I think the 2.5 hours is okay for now. Actually, even I would avoid that sort of reminder.... a reminder that so many things in the world are horrifying.... even not ever having lived there. It is no surprise that, as a survivor from it, you avoid it, too.
