Undiagnosed I Think I Have Ptsd

[LostHope]

Hey, I'm new to my PTSD forums. I have a few concerns about my mental health, the past two years have been a blur. Recently things have been getting worse. I'm filled with so much anxiety during the day I don't know how to cope. I get these scary feelings of intense terror, I feel sick, get dizzy and start to pant. This always happens when I get reminded of my past. This happens a lot during the day and the panic is just horrible. Its getting to the point where I blank out each time it happens and I blurt out things randomly, I would shout help, or what I'm thinking and don't even realize it. Luckily this only happens when I'm alone.

I also feel very emotionally detached from everything. I can't connect to anyone anymore. I feel like I lost the joy in my life. I just want to be alone. I can't trust, never told a soul how I truly feel because I can't trust no more. I feel like a huge part of me died. I feel like I have lost my soul and Identity. I'm not me anymore. I feel like I have no future. I feel like I'll be dead in a few years.

I'm sick of feeling so hopeless. I'm only 15 but I feel like 80. I always have that gloomy feeling I'm dying and these are my last days on earth. I can't take anything seriously anymore, always make bad decisions and just don't feel connected to reality.

I can't function anymore, haven't been to school in a year, Can't go out with friends anymore because its too stressful, there's to many triggers. I have forgotten how to socialize with people. I have extremely bad insomnia and I constantly have racing thoughts.

I had a horrible childhood, Foster care, Emotional/Physical/Sexual abuse, Bullying, Death, Abandonment from my father and my old foster parents would never let me socialize 'to keep there little secret'. I grew up distant from my family, my foster parents and my peers so I've never had a real attachment. I've been lonely all my life.

Does it sound like I have PTSD, I'm so sick of feeling this way, I see psychiatrist, psychologist and I'm too scared to bring it up. Thanks, sorry if this was long, Just needed to write down how I feel. x

 

[Lucycat]

Hi lost hope and welcome
I am sorry you have been through so much.
I would suggest you ask your psychiatrist if he thinks you might have PTSD. That would be a good starting point and you can move on from there.

Best wishes
Lucy x

 

[NewDayTomorrow]

You should absolutely talk to a professional, who can help you find resources to rehabilitate you a little so you can learn to be more social and get support from other human beings. For now, you should absolutely ask people here for advice and understanding. I have lots of support in my life, but I come here often too because, other than my therapist, the members of this forum are the only people who truly can say "I understand how you feel." And sometimes, that is all I need to feel better.

Do you live with a new foster family now? Maybe they can help? You are 15 and you do not go to school? Maybe your school can help? Perhaps with your history of abuse you feel you cannot trust school counselors or social workers or foster parents, and that is understandable. But if you expect the worst to happen, maybe if you reach out and give them a chance to support you, you will be pleasantly surprised? Reach out to anyone you trust the most (or distrust the least) to help you. Your problems may be too big to face alone. Things might get better if you let people help you. Perhaps the psychiatrist is a good place to start, because as a professional, he should have some ideas of what you can do about this.

Be careful to understand your confidentiality agreement, when you bring this up in therapy. Your psychiatrist will explain under which conditions he has to break confidentiality. You could say "I would like to tell you about some things in my past, but first, you need to explain the rules you have to follow about confidentiality for minors." You can use that information to decide when and how much to reveal so you stay in control of the process. I am not trying to scare you. I just remember, my therapists carefully explained to me before I confided anything, what the rules are, and I think it is good to understand. As a minor, the rules will be a little different for you.

 

[Fadeaway]

I would definitely bring up the possibility with your psychiatrist and therapist. No one here can say whether you have it or not, only a professional can. You can't know if you have PTSD unless you ask some who is qualified to make such a diagnosis.

However, this is a wonderful place to find support for the symptoms you are having. You will find that a lot of people will be able to relate to your symptoms like the anxiety and insomnia.That doesn't necessarily mean that those symptoms equate to PTSD, but it doesn't hurt to ask here for ideas for coping with your different symptoms. You are not alone in many of the things you are dealing with. :hug:

 

[LostHope]

Thanks everyone for your support, I'll try to talk about to my psychologist next session. x

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please do tell your doctor! In my experience, doctors won't even think about a PTSD diagnosis unless you bring up the trauma AND all the other symptoms. If you just talk about the other symptoms, you'll likely be misdiagnosed with something like bipolar. That's what happened to me. Nobody bothered to inquire if there was something traumatic in my past that would cause such symptoms. In a way it sucks that PTSD is the only disorder that must have a cause, so if you don't talk about what happened, PTSD isn't even considered, even if you have many symptoms of PTSD.

 

[jmni]

Emotional detachment and inability to function are related to depression, anxiety, and ptsd. But much of what you described in your words of feeling as though you have lost yourself and you have no future sounds very much like the overall experience that some ptsd sufferers have, although not all. Speaking to your psychologist is the right thing to do.

 

[jmni]

I have been thinking about what you wrote and although you may have ptsd, I think what you are describing sounds like you have stopped loving yourself, and loving in general (including other people, former interests, passions in general). A lot of our pain is not just a psychiatric disorder. It is also a failure to experience life in a way that is fulfilling.

There are some treatments for ptsd, such as CBT or yoga for trauma. But a lot of what we do is just explore ourselves through books and conversation and connecting to others. There may never be a day we forget what happened to us, but you can feel restored, free, and love yourself again. There can be a lot of work involved pulling away layer after layer but if you are willing to that can be your passion and you can probably find some inspiration here.

 

[intothelight]

Hi LostHope,

I hope things go well with your discussion with your psychologist.

 

[LostHope]

Thankyou x

 

[little_j]

Does it sound like I have PTSD, I'm so sick of feeling this way, I see psychiatrist, psychologist and I'm too scared to bring it up. Thanks, sorry if this was long, Just needed to write down how I feel. x

It's the psychologists job to listen to you - and as afraid as you are to bring it up, they've heard stories like it. Sometimes I've kept the most screwed up parts of my thinking to myself because I thought my doc would think I was so silly for thinking them, but when I finally say it, he's relieved I had the courage to let it out. You've prob be trained for years to keep it all in because of fear of what speaking up/out would do to you. Remember, your doc isn't an authority figure to be afraid of or impress, they're there to help YOU because you deserve to be helped and healed. They are your coach and confident, but they can't help you unless they know what's really hurting you. I hope you can open up to them. If you want any advice on doing that I'd be happy to share how I've done so. Best.