I think I may have *finally* broken the trauma bond

[Ecdysis]

So, I've got C-PTSD from childhood trauma and got re-traumatised 2016 in an abusive relationship and have had a god awful time ever since...

The worst has been that there was an intense trauma bond and none of the therapy I've tried so far even came close to putting a dent in it.

I've been seeing a new trauma therapist and in today's session, I think we *may* have finally broken it......... ? I mean, it only happened 2 hours ago, so maybe it's too early to tell, but it feels like it has...

This new therapist does a type of Jungian therapy which is so cool. It's relatively rare, but where I live it's not totally rare, so I'd often heard about it in the past but didn't feel ready to try it. So until then I've just done basic "talk" therapy like CBT or trauma therapy.

This Jungian style of therapy is much more about the subconscious tho... So, I'll say something to the therapist but instead of replying to "me" (as in my conscious, normal, thinking mind) he'll reply to my subconscious.

And omg... when it works, it's amazing. It's a bit like hypnotherapy, except you're not hypnotised.

So, for example, if the issue is me feeling like the abuse was my fault, he'll say to my subconscious "It wasn't your fault" and my subconscious just goes "Yeah, that's true." and then it's DONE. The issue is resolved.

Not like in "normal" talk therapy where the therapist will say "It's not your fault" to my conscious mind and my conscious mind will have 15,000 reasons why that's not true... I mean, I've spent years on stuff like that in regular talk therapy... I could easily spend 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 years talking to a regular therapist about whether it's my fault or not and be going round in circles.

So yeah, I've been having the worst possible time for the past 7 years trying to break this trauma bond and no chance...

And today, in our 12th session, with a few sessions to prepare for this particular topic, I decided to try and focus on the trauma bond thing and after 45 minutes, he'd cracked it.

I'm totally stunned. (Tho he's done this with a few smaller issues before too, which left me equally stunned and happy.)

I'm soooooo hoping it sticks... I mean, if I'm back "in" it tomorrow or next week, I'm gonna cry with frustration, but at least I'll know that we just need to keep working on it to make this a permanent thing.

But right now, it just feels like "it's done".

 

[Jade-]

Interesting.

What's the name of this type of therapy? And how does he speak to your subconscious mind vs your conscious mind?

 

[Ecdysis]

It's called depth psychology

Depth psychology - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Demystifying Depth: An Introduction to Depth Psychology | Evolve In Nature

Depth psychology broadly refers to a range of approaches that are focused on researching and exploring the relationship between the conscious and the unconscious. If we think of ourselves as a tree, so often we seek growth and understanding in our conscious world (above ground) but yet we fear putti

www.evolveinnature.com

It's definitely a bit more woowoo than the very rational, science based CBT type of talk therapy approaches.

I used to be scared of it - trauma and PTSD was already way too messy - I needed something "reliable" and rational like CBT to clean that mess up.

But now, at the end of my 40s, I feel like I *can* and *need* to explore these deeper, more mysterious non-rational aspects, like my subconscious.

As to "how" my therapist talks to my subconscious, I don't really know. All I know is that it works. And I know that I do NOT want to ask him how it works (at least at this stage) because I'm worried that if my conscious mind understands it, then it will put up barriers, which will stop the process working.

One day, when we've hopefully done all the work I feel I need to do, I may ask him "how" it works... because I am curious.

The best way I can explain it is that it's simliar to hypnotherapy, except I'm wide awake.

Edit to add: it's day 3 today and I can say that after 48 hours, the trauma bond still seems to have been broken. I can see that there are still other aspects that I want to work on and want to process about the traumatic situation, but up to now it does still feel like the trauma bond is gone.

 

[arfie]

i had to look up, "jungian style therapy." it used allot of the same words as the name forgotten therapies i learned back in the 20th century, but ? ? ? translating between 20th century psych and 21st century psych is more of a challenge than translating between german, english, spanish, etc. yes, friend, i translate between languages often, especially since the advent of the WWW and machine translators. machine translators are not so efficient with developing terminology.

And omg... when it works, it's amazing.

when it comes to healing the wounds of my broken heart, this translation covers it all for my healing herstory. it will continue to work if i work it.
work it, my healing warrior. don't be discouraged if you can't master the skill overnight.

 

[hithere]

Thanks for sharing
This is so awesome
.I did deep level healing doing similar stuff with the trauma bonds, ot really helped
.I did mine to myself, I actually had some gut wrenching wails and it took over an hour just to get thru two of them. I can't explain how much calmer I feel on so many levels.

 

[hithere]

Just checking in. Do you still feel like the trauma bond is broken.. I had something come up that would have triggered the bond to tighten big time, and it did send me into emotional orbit a little bit, but it was so amazing to not have the bond there anymore and I could talk myself I to reality and strength.

I hope you are still feeling freed from yours!

 

[Ecdysis]

Hey, yup, it still apperas to be gone. Which is amazing, because it took me 7 years to finally break it. I tried so many things myself and in therapy and none of them broke the trauma bond.

It seemed that all my unconscious psychological energy would get sucked into that trauma bond.

Now that it's broken, it feels like my brain is finally doing normal "self-healing" and "self-cleansing" stuff. I call it the psychological immune system - you know, fighting off/ dealing with life's negative events.

While the trauma bond was in place, it felt like my psychological immune system had been turned off.

I'm glad you were able to break some trauma bonds too @hithere and that you're feeling relief too!

 

[beaneeboo]

Wow ... this is quite incredible! First and foremost I think you can be proud of the amount of work you're putting in and it's paying off.. So it's not just what he's doing... It's very Interesting what you've brought up... I really hope the effects continue for you.. definitely keep us updated...

As to "how" my therapist talks to my subconscious, I don't really know. All I know is that it works. And I know that I do NOT want to ask him how it works (at least at this stage) because I'm worried that if my conscious mind understands it, then it will put up barriers, which will stop the process working.

Just wanted to say i relate to this SO much

 

[OM_™]

So, for example, if the issue is me feeling like the abuse was my fault, he'll say to my subconscious "It wasn't your fault" and my subconscious just goes "Yeah, that's true." and then it's DONE. The issue is resolved.

Hi Ecdysis It has been some time since anyone has replied to this post and I was wondering if you still feel that you have broken the trauma bond?

Can you cite any more examples like the above?

I'm not quite sure how this works. Do you actually speak (verbalise) your subconscious response and how do you know it's not your conscious mind responding?

Another question: Are you on any medications that might also assist in "breaking the bond"?

BTW: If you feel that you don't want to answer, lest you jinx this therapeutic approach just tell me to refer to your Feb 1 response and I'll understand.

 

[Ecdysis]

Can you cite any more examples like the above?

I'm not quite sure how this works. Do you actually speak (verbalise) your subconscious response and how do you know it's not your conscious mind responding?

Sorry it's taken a few days to reply... My communication skills are so impaired at the moment.

I've been trying to think of another example of how to explain it...

So, I'll use the example of what many of us survivors feel that "the sexual abuse was my fault".

My old T, who did "normal" talk therapy... he would have argued with me about how that's a wrong belief. And while my conscious mind may have agreed with him, my subconscious would probably have held onto that conviction and not been convinced by his arguments.

This new T who does the depth psychology stuff... It's like he hears the "emotional" (subconscious) content of what I'm saying... like he filters that out... and he responds to that... and his response focusses on just the emotional aspects as opposed to the rational/ thinking aspects...

So he might respond with saying really compassionately "Yeah, you think the abuse was your fault" and he'll leave it at that... letting that reverberate and sink in... I think he tends to agree/ mirror whatever he can identify as the core "emotional" aspect of whatever I've been saying to him.

And somehow, that seems to open up my subconscious to being more responsive... maybe it's that feeling of being heard/ being validated on that purely emotional, non-rational level? Somehow it makes my subconscious respond...

And then, as his statement sinks in, my subconscious will be like "Ohhh.... that makes no sense... victims of abuse aren't to blame... therefore neither am I..."

It seems it's more helpful for my subconscious to reach this conclusion on its own (with T's help) rather than how my old T used to "argue" with me about such beliefs.... I think that sort of turned it into a tug-of-war and my subconscious would hold onto a belief even tighter as a response to the the arguing....?

(I have no idea whether that explains it any better or makes it more confusing... And no, I've not been taking any meds that have helped re breaking the trauma bond...)

Edit to add: I just thought about how dream interpretation is a thing in depth psychology too... And I think when I tell this T stuff, he sort of treats our conversation a bit like a dream analysis... He tries to leave out all the "irrelevant" details of what I've just told him and tries to focus on the core "meaning" of the conversation, like you would interpret a dream...? And that core message is what he responds to... Maybe...? Heh...

Oh and yeah, still feel like the trauma bond is broken...

 

[OM_™]

Just a quick thanks for your reply. I think I'd like to try that but probably haven't found the right therapist.

I'm 68 and back on meds after reacting violently (didn't hurt anyone, just a few potted plants) to CBT because I can't process my CSA rationally.

Lately, I have gone back to listening to It Wasn't Your Fault by Beverly Engel because I have had to pause my psychiatric appointments because of financial difficulty. When I go back to see her in November, I'll tell her about your Depth Psychology...thanks again

 

[Too tired]

Sorry it's taken a few days to reply... My communication skills are so impaired at the moment.

I've been trying to think of another example of how to explain it...

So, I'll use the example of what many of us survivors feel that "the sexual abuse was my fault".

My old T, who did "normal" talk therapy... he would have argued with me about how that's a wrong belief. And while my conscious mind may have agreed with him, my subconscious would probably have held onto that conviction and not been convinced by his arguments.

This new T who does the depth psychology stuff... It's like he hears the "emotional" (subconscious) content of what I'm saying... like he filters that out... and he responds to that... and his response focusses on just the emotional aspects as opposed to the rational/ thinking aspects...

So he might respond with saying really compassionately "Yeah, you think the abuse was your fault" and he'll leave it at that... letting that reverberate and sink in... I think he tends to agree/ mirror whatever he can identify as the core "emotional" aspect of whatever I've been saying to him.

And somehow, that seems to open up my subconscious to being more responsive... maybe it's that feeling of being heard/ being validated on that purely emotional, non-rational level? Somehow it makes my subconscious respond...

And then, as his statement sinks in, my subconscious will be like "Ohhh.... that makes no sense... victims of abuse aren't to blame... therefore neither am I..."

It seems it's more helpful for my subconscious to reach this conclusion on its own (with T's help) rather than how my old T used to "argue" with me about such beliefs.... I think that sort of turned it into a tug-of-war and my subconscious would hold onto a belief even tighter as a response to the the arguing....?

(I have no idea whether that explains it any better or makes it more confusing... And no, I've not been taking any meds that have helped re breaking the trauma bond...)

Edit to add: I just thought about how dream interpretation is a thing in depth psychology too... And I think when I tell this T stuff, he sort of treats our conversation a bit like a dream analysis... He tries to leave out all the "irrelevant" details of what I've just told him and tries to focus on the core "meaning" of the conversation, like you would interpret a dream...? And that core message is what he responds to... Maybe...? Heh...

Oh and yeah, still feel like the trauma bond is broken...

I wonder if you've just found a T that really understands and you gel with and that's what's opened you up? They just sound like they're responding to you with empathy instead of judgement. Seeing your strengths and not highlighting your weaknesses. Just a thought.