Relationship I Think Its Time To Let Go

[Amanda_j]

I don't know what to do for my sufferer anymore. He is becoming more and more distant. The last 2 months have been the worse so far. Our "communication" is becoming less and less. I feel sick with the thought of letting go, we've had a relationship for 5 years, but when he shuts me out continuously, I don't feel like we have a relationship at all. The problem is, whenever I try to talk to him about this, about anything serious, he avoids it. The anxiety it causes is too much for him to deal with. He ignores my attempts to discuss anything. I want to be here for him but he needs to want me to be, and at this point I really don't think he does. I think it's time to let go.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

:hug:

I know it is hard. Please take the time to focus on yourself right now so that you can get through this difficult time.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Amanda_j , I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. Sometimes you have to do what is best though.

 

[Amanda_j]

@Sweetpea76 thank you, what I'm struggling with at the moment is "what is best"? I've told him I will be here for him, he hasn't had anyone who he feels has loved him unconditionally before me. I know he loves me, he still tells me this. But there is just no communication at all, it's so frustrating! I don't want to betray his trust and go back on my word. I don't expect 'miracles', but at the moment I don't know how to support him when he can't communicate. Being without him isn't what is best for me, but it might be what's best for him. I feel like he doesn't want to lose me completely, but his avoidance is pushing me away all the time. He says some very confusing things to me, pushing me away and then pulls me in again. It's almost like he's putting me on ice until he can cope with me. @itsKismet thank you :-) I am trying very hard to look after me at the moment, I'm just not doing a good job of it today.

 

[KateontheCouch]

@Sweetpea76 thank you, what I'm struggling with at the moment is "what is best"? I'v...

Hello,

I completely understand. My boyfriend of 2 years is a retired Marine and went home immediately to see his family. We've been strong and together (although right now he's halfway across the US). He's falling apart: he is anxious, lacking focus, and not communicating. His goal was to go visit his family, get stable, and then we were going to get engaged.

So right now I understand your feelings. He just told me today he's going for counseling -- although I think I need it too! I am anxious and worried about him; it sounds foolish but I worry we'll split because of the distance and that he'll never come home (with me). All I can do is support.

 

[Pebbles5280]

@Amanda_j , I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Wish I could give you a hug or tell you something to ease your pain but I can't.

The push/pull is very common in PTSD relationships, mine included. There is no easy answer, all you can do is take care of you. I recently found a quote that was comforting to me...Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I'm learning to live between effort and surrender.