I think my dog is dying

[RainbowSearchParty]

Just as it sounds. He’s having trouble breathing, and doesn’t seem oriented to me anymore. He’s been ill for a long time and I know that he’s suffering but this is so hard.

I have an appointment for him at the vet in an hour, so I’m hoping it just looks scarier than it is but I can’t stop bawling. He’s my family, my everything, and I can’t imagine life without him.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I'm so sorry. He sounds so well loved and cherished, well done for being able to get him the help it sounds he needs. I hope the vet can at least help make him comfortable even if they can't give solutions

 

[Freida]

I am so very, very sorry. I know that feeling of having your heart ripped out when it's time to say goodbye.
I've use a couple of these hotlines over the years - it seemed to help a bit.
pet hotline

 

[Ecdysis]

I hope the vet can help.

I understand how you feel. My dog is 13 and I adore him too. He was really ill a few nights ago and I went to an emergency vet visit at midnight.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

He’s gone now. Massive tumors pressing on his lungs, plus basically all his organs shutting down. It was hard to make the decision but it was the kindest one I think.

And now I can’t stop crying.

 

[Ecdysis]

Oh I'm so sorry...

I'm glad you were with him til the end and that he knew he was loved and adored and that you were able to give him good medical care and relieve his pain.

If you want to, you can share stuff about him with us. Obviously don't do so, if you have privacy concerns, but otherwise feel free to post pictures of him if it would feel soothing to share memories with us.

He'll always be in your heart and you in his

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh no @RainbowSearchParty I am so very sorry.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Still crying, so much that I keep vomiting. I'm always so, so, afraid that I did something wrong and I contributed in some way to his passing. I know, intellectually, that isnt the case, but I'm just always so panicked -- what if my DID led me to not notice something? And the adult parts made the choice in conversation with the vet, but there is so much inner turmoil from the younger ones about the fact that the decision was ours -- during the procedure, the vet asked for permission at every step of the way to proceed, which was kind and thoughtful and so important but the little ones feel like we caused him to die.

He was so beautiful and so kind to me. So calm, always, even when I would be having a panic attack next to him. I just miss him so much already.

 

[brokenpony]

i’m so sorry. i just went through this a month ago (cat declined suddenly) and i’m still a real mess about it. i remember the moment of knowing it was going to happen but hadn’t yet and that helplessness, and then driving him there unable to believe it was really happening, the dreaming feeling. watching it happen was surreal and afterwards i felt unbearably alone.

i wasn’t close with anyone who died in my family (except for an aunt who died when i was 5 and i don’t remember her), no friends have died and i don’t remember my bond with my childhood pet, so it is my first real grief from death. and it feels like a very raw pain. i think that is maybe because dissociation/amnesia protected me fully or partially from feeling most other pain in my life, so i was hit very brutally with it, like it hit me head-on. and also i feel pain from my others.

so it honestly somehow felt like the first time i had ever experienced genuine pain even though i know it isn’t true (in the sense that other parts of me have, and they are me? i guess?). and partly i struggle because of similar issues of failure, how you feel about not protecting, and watching him suffer and feeling like i needed to help him and couldn’t. that the only way to help was to let him go.

it was my first time crying with my therapist in our 3 years together and i’m still crying almost daily. so yeah i relate right now. it’s the worst. i’m told it gets easier. take care of yourself.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I'm always so, so, afraid that I did something wrong and I contributed in some way to his passing.

This is trauma talking, old scrips of 'I am wrong/ bad' playing out now. It's no ones fault. He was sick. Your adult(s), and I bet the younger ones too in different ways, have loved and cared for him for years. That's so clear from your writing, the love for him. You didn't miss it, you saw him distressed and got help.

little ones feel like we caused him to die.

I don't know how able you are to communicate with the young ones or not but is there any way of soothing their panic? You (collectively) did exactly the right thing, getting him help to be comfortable and free from pain. Can they remember what the vet said? Sometimes it coming from others helps it sink in a bit more.

He was so beautiful and so kind to me. So calm, always, even when I would be having a panic attack next to him. I just miss him so much already.

He sounds like a such gorgeous boy

 

[Charbella]

I don’t have DID and when my pup died I felt horrible guilt. In my opinion he aspirated on the heart pill I had to force into him. The vet has assured me that wasn’t it, but I still have horrible guilt. Truly he was my soul mate. He’d been sick but dogs will do anything to hide that, it’s an instinct that comes from their wild days when predators would target the weak. So parts or not, its likely no one would’ve noticed any sooner.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

It's no ones fault.

Thank you. I know this intellectually but it’s harder to process emotionally.

So parts or not, it’s likely no one would’ve noticed any sooner.

But I can’t help but to wonder.

And honestly? Part of me feels relieved because the last year has been so stressful with five medications daily, near monthly vet visits, and just wondering at what point it would be kinder to let him die. But then I feel guilty for feeling relieved, even though part of that relief is that he no longer suffers.