Relationship I Threatened To Go To His Commanding Officer.

[Truthful_Whispers]

His actions toward your mother are quite inappropriate, but yes, going to his superior (whether civilian or military) will just make things worse. Buy him a fleshlight.

 

[bobalog]

i think you are almost all pretty funny: one word "innuendo" and poof we have an extensive thread. silly. sounds like the mom and daughter walk around with buckets on their heads and if they hear a knock then it's not appropriate (wrong bucket). i mean , expain, don't tell me something so minimized , don't bother. sexualizing a child's space is a concern in a responsible adult's world, but hey, chuck the tv and call another social revolution in that case right? pardon me - i don't know what's going on - but (half) seriously, isn't a flirt with mom more of a compliment than an offense? another impetuous survivor huh... anyway the other replies have the right idea: yes use agency if necessary but don't get on coc to snip.

 

[Neverthesame]

I didn't sleep well at all last night, so forgive me if it is simply fatigue.

@bobalog I can't make heads or tails of what you just said, I don't suppose you could be so kind as to dumb it down a bit for me?

 

[Fadeaway]

I don't want to derail the Op's thread but @bobalog Every reply that you have made on a thread started by someone else has been quite condescending. I understand that someone days it is is easy to be curt and irritable with people, especially when we are hurting. I also understand that it is hard if not impossible to be empathetic to certain types of posts.

While I find your responses to people unnecessarily hurtful, I can't help but think that there is a lot of emotional pain fueling your posts.

 

[bobalog]

essentially i was hoping things weren't so bad, and i think you should ease up if you can - i don't think you have been sufficiently clear about the issues , not knowing you - and with little to go on i won't jump on and say i support what you proposed. like i said, "innuendo" is only one word. sexual is another, but the tone, the intention, and circumstance, are all left out, if i am not mistaken. also, i want to apologize for jumping in with my thoughts - now i am guessing you might need more validation and i could be the one with the pail on my head. and sorry you slept poorly. take care.

 

[bobalog]

I don't want to derail the Op's thread but @bobalog Every reply that you have made...

good points. my main driver, that i was conscious of, is that i think it is healthy to make an effort to be clear and articulate, as typed media is the main choice on the menu here. i know that when people are hurting , thoughts can be fuzzy and distorted. if we make the effort to untangle our thoughts here then we are exercising a good "muscle". mostly, i am asking, by confronting (without spite) what i view as inadequate explanations of feelings or situations. i participate in another forum and i find both very good, there are many very brave and insightful posters out here, and you are right - i am in pain and have been for ages but the new symptoms with the last 3-4 events overwhelm me especially mornings now. i probably should leave supporters be until i'm in an active relationship or some positive shift indicates i have more to contribute. i care, and i will be showing that in future posts. i am 61, violent psychotic military father, acoac, experienced various therapies, recovered immensely but c-ptsd flared up again 32 mos ago. i appreciate your observations and compassion.

 

[Lilmssunshine]

Here's an update.
I never went to his CO. I forgave him. I'm unsure of why he did those behaviors. I'm not even sure if my mom is making it out to be much more because of her own childhood sexual trauma. She keeps trying to compare him to a rapist or a child molester which I find to be extreme. She was molested for years by her father so she may be reacting out of her own PTSD because of how he came across to her with his tone of voice or words. I told her today that I still speak to him. And she put me down for talking to him. I know he has problems so I'd rather help him than hurt him. I'm trying to work at understanding him better because he can be confusing at times because of his issues. I love him and I want to make it work with him. When you love someone you don't just give up on them especially if they have PTSD. Or other possible issues. I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in helping people. My mom.....not so much. It sucks that my mom feels that way about him. Especially since we talked about marrying each other last night.

 

[Ronin]

You're not responsible for your mother & her reactions. She's responsible for them.

Her enmeshment issues are not something you need to work with just because she is your Mom. And she doesn't come first in your partnership, if it's a partnership that works, she shouldn't be a factor you have to pay attention to or a reason for a strife.

This is your life. Not hers.