I Told My Support Group, About My Past

[therisa]

Last night, during my support group meeting, I let it, all hang out and told them, about my abusive past, in all of it’s gory detail, of the things, which happened with my family and the schoolyard bullies. In the past, I have shared snippet of the things that happened to me. Many of the women’s faces, had a shocked and horrified look, on them. I really don’t remember much of the meeting, as I was rocking back and forth, for most of it. As I battled a meeting long bout of an anxiety attack. A painful achievement, given my back was spasming, very bad. Except two of the women, offered me, some possible alternative methods, to address my anxiety issues, with group settings and counselling. Only problem I have, is this feeling that I am, a pile of dog crap.

 

[bell]

Ok, I like your post for everything except for the last sentence. :)

And, I may not know you personally, but I am super proud of you nonetheless, @therisa.

 

[therisa]

Bell, I haven't been able to shake this feeling, and the tears have flowing, off and on, since I told them.

Thank you.

 

[bell]

Yeah, I understand completely about the "not being able to shake" a feeling and the crying thing. It blows. And feels like nothing is ever going to be right again if you're like me. I've been feeling like this some this week actually, and I've just been wildly distracting myself and watching the clock tick (even though I don't want to wish time away), knowing that it will pass. And it will. Just like it will for you, too, and things will get better.

Also, if you're like me, all that telling of stuff you don't tell anyone unlodges a lot of fear... the fear that you've been holding in about how no one will understand about how you're making nothing a big deal about how weird you are and about how they'll hate you (blah blah blah, you know the critic that lives in your head) gets let out and it causes a lot tension and fear because "it" (your story) is "out there." In the real world, no longer just contained and locked inside you. So, your anxiety will peak, but it will lessen, too. You just have to ride out the storm.

While you do so, be sure to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself, too.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I offer you a {{{standing ovation}}} for "letting it all out"!!! Who knows, but maybe you gave someone else the courage to do the same thing at future meetings.:tup:

I can see how letting everything out would make you feel horrible, because I suspect that you think your fellow attenders will judge you, or be horribly shocked. It was a brave thing to do, no matter what anyone thinks. After all, if one can't let everything out in a support group, then it isn't really a support group.

(((Therisa))) I am sending blessings and prayers your way to calm you, and hopefully you can feel some peace and be proud that you were able to be so brave!!!

:hug:Hugs to you (if acceptable)!

AKJ

 

[Flyaway]

The 'feeling like crap' is feelings from the past... You can't go through those experiences and not feel that way. Just realising that these emotions don't belong to you- they belong to the abusers- makes a big difference. It has for me anyway! The abusers told me all sorts of lies that I owned, I believed, so I held onto the horrible feelings that came with the abuse.

Recently, I wrote all of the lies on a piece of toilet paper; scrunched it up into a tight ball; threw it into the toilet; as I flushed it, I yelled something like- that's where you belong, you're just a bunch a of sh*tty lies!!! Give those emotions back to the abusers... You don't deserve them!!!

Well done for speaking out!!! That is something to be SO proud of :happy:

 

[franciemarnie]

Sometimes you pay a big price for doing courageous things. That makes you heroic in my book. "To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause." I know I'm sentimental with music.

We know when we do brave things like you did that there will be an aftermath but we do it anyway because down the road, it will pay off. This will pay off someday.

You may feel like dog s__t, but someday you will feel as beautiful as you are. Hold on.

((((((hugs))))))

 

[therisa]

Thank you, everyone. Wish I could say more, but am starting to cry, again, in a very public place, the library.

 

[arfie]

That feeling like dog crap is a feeling, not a fact. When I let myself feel it, my logical senses have their shot at it and the feeling soon changes, as feelings inevitably will. Just me.

But you do, indeed, deserve that standing ovation Angelkeeper started. Way to do the do! It is totally predictable that you would feel drained and out of sorts today. Hope you can give yourself a well earned rest.

Gentle hugs and enthusiastic congratulations, therisa. Rest well.

 

[Britt.f7]

That was very brave of you. Much braver then my picture!! I know the skeptical feeling one gets after doing such an act but that is the old messages messing with you. Reminds me of the Winnie the Pooh quote about being braver then you believe...you are. That dog feeling will leave, it might just take awhile, but don't let it stay longer then it has to! It's a shame it is there at all, but, like I said and I think someone else did, those are the old messages that play in our head when we accomplish anything good.

Beautiful.

 

[LEMMING]

Therisa, my hat is off to you for letting it all out. Sometime soon you will experience a sense of pride, instead of the dog ---- feeling. Dont give away your power, you sound so lost, but you have support here. Strong, courageous woman. Hugs and stuff (if required). :)

 

[Spiderallis]

Congrats for the courage it must have taken to be so open and honest!

I'm sorry the after-effects are so harsh. Maybe the other group members' expressions were empathy? Perhaps they were imagining what you might have felt, trying to see your view of those awful times. From your postings here I get glimpses of a beautiful soul peeking through the words, it's probably easier to see in person. I hope your yucky feelings ease up soon, you've taken a big step and have plenty of reason to be proud.