Relationship I Tried To Support My Sufferer

[boodle]

It's so hard to be rejected all the time. And I always want to say "I love you" and that freaks him out....

@Glara
I totally get you, rejection is really hard. Its so difficult to understand why it is a problem for our sufferers to accept our love, especially when we crave that love so much.Thank-you for your reply

 

[ldj]

Good, glad you're finding it helpful. Gosh that was speedy delivery, or did you find it in a shop somewhere? Shame your sufferer isn't grateful for your efforts. I have to say, mine was unwilling to show any interest when I tried to share stuff I was finding out and didn't seem grateful that I was trying to educate myself about the condition. Everything I suggested to him, from what I was learning, was met with negativity. Grrr, why do they not appreciate our efforts to support them all too often?!!

The swim was flippin' freeeezing!! But, I'm now a minor celebrity, as it featured on the local news!!! Not every day you're on tv in your bikini and Christmas bobble hat is it (yes, the bobble hat made all the difference keeping me warmer!) Haha, I got feeling back in my toes within 2 hours, so not bad.

Enjoy your reading and keep hanging on in there, but make sure you're looking after you too :)

 

[boodle]

Good, glad you're finding it helpful. Gosh that was speedy delivery, or did you find it in a shop somewhere...

@ldj I got it on my Kindle app, I was going to get the hard copy but am currently in denial about needing reading glasses, lol!

Good on you girl for your charity swim (and newfound fame :)) Take care and thanks for your support

 

[boodle]

OK, so in the end I did contact her by sending a text saying I was thinking of her. To my surprise I received a reply 3 hours later just saying Happy New Year. I'm still feeling a bit shocked and very mixed emotions.

I'm not quite sure what it means. It was probably a huge step for her to reply. Was she letting me know she hasn't disappeared and there's still a chance in the future? Or am I looking into this too much and should just take it at face value?

 

[Abstract]

Its hard to say. Maybe just take it one step at a time if you can.

Its impossible to truly guess of course but it sounds like she is running from ptsd and her trauma. While she is running and not getting therapy she is unlikely to change so thats something to consider for you. It also sounds at a guess like she is barely coping so can't cope with your needs in the relationship. That is obviously a big one for you as if she wont discuss ptsd and isnt getting treatment and can only cope with herself then it leaves you in a situation you likely dont want to continue in. Why would you.

I am guilty of the same sleep pattern (except usually can't sleep late) and for me the whole idea is to be on my own entirely to try to calm down the chaos inside and still things. My system is also charging full tilt so the idea of sleep is impossible. Sometimes beds are also triggers or associated negatively and its not easy going there. Closeness can harbour all sorts of difficult and confusing things as much as it is good in other ways. If she is running she is very unlikely to be willing to tell you about all these things and in fact if it upsets you may then feel more burdened as then feel responsible and concerned about you.

She also shows little signs of needing to look like she is strong and coping and that brings all sorts of other difficulties for you.

It may be that she really isnt in a place to be able to have a relationship with anyone (without harming both parties) and thats something to think about. That can happen when both people genuinely love each other.

Good luck. I hope it works out.

 

[boodle]

Its hard to say. Maybe just take it one step at a time if you can. Its impossible to truly guess of c...

@Abstract
How insightful and well articulated regarding how she must be feeling right now. I totally get it.

While she is running and not getting therapy she is unlikely to change so thats something to consider for you.

I am a big believer in therapy. I have weekly couselling sessions and find them invaluable. She had started therapy two and a half years ago but it was stopped when her Dad died. Professionals at the time recommended she stopped therapy while she dealt with that sad time. She said she has not felt strong enough to restart it since.

If she is running she is very unlikely to be willing to tell you about all these things and in fact if it upsets you may then feel more burdened as then feel responsible and concerned about you.

This explains why her friends are the go to place for support. I couldn't understand this as I am a patient person and a relatively good listener. I have never got angry but she does know it hurts me.

She also shows little signs of needing to look like she is strong and coping and that brings all sorts of other difficulties for you.

That's an interesting observation as only recently she had concerns that I would see her as weak. I reassured her that feeling weak is not a bad thing. There is a strength in feeling weak and it helps us heal. She said she wished she could cry as she thought it would help. I had never seen her cry even though I cry at the drop of a hat sometimes.
Not long after saying these things and after an intimate moment, we both spontaneously started crying. It wasn't a sad crying, it was a nice crying if that makes sense. I stifled my crying and just held her and comforted her. I've just realised it was after then she started to become more emotionally distant towards me, avoiding intimacy. I think I have just had a lightbulb moment while writing this.

It may be that she really isnt in a place to be able to have a relationship with anyone (without harming both parties) and thats something to think about.

This bit was hard to read but it makes perfect sense.

That can happen when both people genuinely love each other.

Knowing it can happen when both people genuinely love each other felt strangely reassuring.

Can I ask @Abstract, do you have any ideas on how I could reassure my partner in this situation? I want to reassure her that I am prepared to be there in a non-judgemental way for her if she is willing to accept it. She is a lovely person beneath all this and I did make a comittment to her which I would like to see through if at all possible.

Thank-you so much for your thought provoking post.