I Want To Die Because I Can't Find A Girlfriend That Wants To Date Me.

[Kristina25]

I have been trying to look for a girlfriend that would be okay with dating me even though I have a Fiance, because I want to know what it's like to date a woman. I just got out of a relationship with one of my Facebook friends that is like a really good friend and it wasn't really serious and didn't last long so I am over it already. We were only together for like 2 weeks straight. I feel hopeless because I posted on a group for dating on Facebook and nobody said anything to it except that it was wrong since I have a Fiance and I should be just committed to him in this one dating group.

I feel like I am ugly or something. And I am afraid of what they will think when I tell them I have a Mental Illness. I'm just feeling hopeless right now and wish I would just die because no woman will ever want to be with me. I really want to experience what things are like dating the same gender as me and I don't know if I can take not being able to experience that just once. I honestly wish I had the guts to kill myself because I feel that low right now. Is it weird I already have a Fiance and want to experience everything about what dating a girl is like? My Fiance and I have an agreement that I am allowed to have a girlfriend if I can find one or I meet someone. I just feel hopeless like no girl would ever want me.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

IMHO, Monogomy in a relationship is sacred. Looking further a-field will always be frowned upon unless polygamy is in your culture. Polygamous relationships are not in fact socially acceptable to that many people, which is why you would have been chasticed on Facebook for admitting that you were looking for that kind of "open relationship".

Having an open relationship is fine, but you have admitted to having had an extra-relationship already without your Fiancee's knowledge with a Facebook friend that did not work out.

I do seem to remember that previously you were distraught at his lack of perceived affection especially regarding the Romantic Holiday of V-Day.

I would suggest that if you are looking for an out of monogamy relationship with either a male or a female partner (gender irrelevant) that your current relationship needs either some serious work or you need to be thinking about ending the current one rather than looking to start another relationship outside of in this manner.

As your Fiance is open minded about this kind of relationship then it is a matter for the two of you to discuss further to be honest. You and He should sit down and have a chat. If he is truly 'OK' with your having an out of relationship liaison then hey.... your choice and his to make.

 

[anthony]

My Fiance and I have an agreement that I am allowed to have a girlfriend if I can find one or I meet someone. I just feel hopeless like no girl would ever want me.

It probably isn't something that is up many women's alley because they may be looking for a serious relationship... and that is not what you're presenting to them, but more sex only, never living together. That would be your only drawback IMHO...

If that is your thinking in your relationship... then stop catastrophising unknowns and aspects not likely relevant to why you aren't getting a girlfriend to sleep with.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You seriously think someone would dive into a relationship with you considering you have a fiancé? It's fine to consider your alliance with women. Who cares if you want to be bisexual, but not simultaneously.

 

[Neverthesame]

So you have homicidal ideation and suicidal ideation? Get help.

 

[StellaBlue]

I really wonder if you are a troll...and I really did try to not respond to this...but as someone outside of the heteronormative spectrum, your post and attitude really pissed me off.

I have been trying to look for a girlfriend that would be okay with dating me even though I have a Fiance, because I want to know what it's like to date a woman.

Are you bisexual? gay? are you even attracted to women? Or are you just looking for someone to validate that you're not ugly or that your "mental illness" is not an issue? Do you even see how you are viewing your potential "partner" - as an object to fulfill your curiosity - is wrong?

Seriously, you want to date a woman - just to see what it's like? When you say date - are you talking sex? If so, go to a bar or get on Craigslist and find someone to hook up with. If you're looking to date someone - well, there may be someone out there that's willing to do this, but personally, I wouldn't date someone just because they wanted to "see what it's like".

Bahhhh...I can't even fully describe how wrong this is.

 

[Recovery4Me]

nobody said anything to it except that it was wrong since I have a Fiance and I should be just committed to him in this one dating group.

I do not speak for anyone on the board other than myself, ever. However, I can speak for my real time friends within the LGBT community.

To be objectified on the basis of gender, for pleasuring while watching someone sanction their other relationship based on it being hetero therefore committed...is not an solid offer but a backhanded put down. You and your boyfriend are using an delayed ploy for a threesome.

Morals aside, since you are in the US -consider most people that degrade women as sex objects use CraigList and "hire" to date...
not use the PTSD site to possibly troll.

 

[shandemonium]

as a full blown lesbian here, can i tell you that we avoid women like you?

It's really not about your personality or looks etc. Think about our perspective. I will attempt to answer you seriously without getting my own buttons pushed...

Your best bet, (if you are serious), is to find another straight girl like yourself who has a boyfriend and wants the same thing. There are TONS of ads like yours on Craigslist and they are even on Okcupid these days.

In the world of gay-internet-dating, we see you all the time. We skip your ads. We make fun of them. Sometimes we get pissed and remember our own straight girl sagas...

Do you want your own pet lesbian to pine over you while you remain at a distance with your man? Because most of us have been there, done that. It is very selfish and please leave us out of it.

Or, are you just looking for a hook-up? There's plenty of ways to make that happen. Good luck on your journey and keep it safe

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Dealing with PTSD, sexual identity? Confused by the post. If you are engaged discuss that you are not ready to commit to a relationshp.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@shandemonium and there is that too!! Wow, gurl you have some huevos!;)

Ok, admittance time ...I am the B in LGBT and am faithful to the person I am with. So, yes my friends and I would totally agree on what you said.

 

[Ronin]

I'm poly and my issues with relationships had more to do with them being issues with relationships we'd have probably regardless, less of a poly-ness & timing problem, more of a personalities -and-other-issues clash, so that you have a fiance wouldn't be my biggest no-go depending on how that works for you guys, but.

Being with someone, anyone, just for the 'I want to date also girls' really isn't a good motivation in my eyes. Then you go on and on about how you want a girl to fulfill your needs.... what? You don't need other relationship. You need to straighten your priorities and get help for your issues. You need to not treat other people as someone to serve you. You need to figure for yourself what is it you need from life, but other people won't get you there, you need to get you there.

 

[joeylittle]

I am SMI and I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I also have Link Removed and Social Link Removed Disorder (Undiagnosed because the doctor says I don't need one because I am on meds for them both). I am also Bipolar Type 2.

@Kristina25, the posts you are making here indicate a strong possibility that you are very symptomatic right now with your Borderline diagnosis. You are exhibiting some really classic signs. Expressing this level of instability in your relationship with your fiancee, the Facebook friend relationship, the extreme emotional expressions like "I want to die because...", and also the insecurity you have about yourself - it's all some kind of flare-up.

I just got out of a relationship with one of my Facebook friends that is like a really good friend and it wasn't really serious and didn't last long so I am over it already. We were only together for like 2 weeks straight.

I really want to experience what things are like dating the same gender as me and I don't know if I can take not being able to experience that just once. I honestly wish I had the guts to kill myself because I feel that low right now.

I feel like I am ugly

We aren't going to be able to help you with these things. It's important that you get yourself the kind of help that can make a difference - you need regular therapy.

I'm going off of the diagnoses you've told us you've been given, and what I've observed in your posting. You could also be on a swing, mood-wise, in your bipolar. Can you get yourself in for a check-up? Is there a psychiatrist you work regularly with (I'm assuming so, if you're on psych meds) who can help you get into maybe a program geared towards borderlines?