I Want To Go "home".

[ms spock]

Do you have a therapist who can help you create a safe place for yourself? You may feel overwhelmed by the thought of doing so because creating one on your own can be difficult if you don't have, or know know, which direction to go!

I do have a psychriatrist who is quite good Holly. I did talk to her about my home today. Part of me doesn't want to clean it up because that would be accepting that I don't have a mother. That is the gist of it so far. I so want to go "home" for a couple of weeks and then come back to start again. But that is not possible.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ms Spock that's a HUGE realization I think :hug: .

I think I "get" something today. I've heard over the years that a 'home' *can be* for the bruised, broken-hearted, those of us less than 'whole' or who are terrified.

But something occurred to me to today, not from 'myself' specifically but hearing something, maybe part of what 'home' is is comfort. And comfort is different for each person, some people need safety, some understanding, some encouragement, some belonging, some relief or the environment to be themself, some hope, peace, etc. And in that regard 'home' is or can be a place, feelings, beliefs, people who encourage the same, or what creates or nurtures that.

 

[ms spock]

I am stuck living in a pretty poor and disgusting place Junebug. I have to get it together or snap out of it or something.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Ms Spock, do you mean physically or emotionally/ psychologically?

 

[ms spock]

All three Junebug. It is terrible I can't have anyone over at my place.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well each day you're doing some re-organizing and cleaning Ms Spock, look at it that way. And you want to, and are, despite how you feel and what you are fighting, that's a great accomplishment! :tup: :hug:

Sometimes the only way to make real headway is to really clear out a lot. But to start new- a fresh start. :) And then (I mean now) I hope you can add what you like, even if it's fresh flowers on the table. It gives you a chance to leave ony what brings you positive and happy/ hope-filled feelings and peace.

I think home should be where thre is presence and you can feel no matter whatever is going on, somehow things will be ok.

((((((Ms Spock)))))

 

[ms spock]

I did do a little yesterday Junebug.

 

[ms spock]

I think home should be where thre is presence and you can feel no matter whatever is going on, somehow things will be ok.

((((((Ms Spock)))))

I hope to create a home Junebug.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think you will Ms Spock :hug: . Peace on the inside and out for you.

 

[Tanishq]

But something occurred to me to today, not from 'myself' specifically but hearing something, maybe part of what 'home' is is comfort.

You just spoke the meaning of home. Most people don't know what is home. Most people think it is your safe living place. but that doesn't make it home. Living with peace and love fulfills the home. Tough to do.

My parents do tell me this is home, but I never felt this place is mine. It is theirs. I can't feel any comfort here anymore.

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((Jaret))))))

Yes not to say one isn't thankful for a roof over their head by any means, but 'home' or feeling one is home or at home or maybe can be at home is a different thing entirely. Although I've heard it said the feeling of not belonging can come from low grade anxiety. But then there are other times one really doesn't belong or feels like they don't. And an absence of peace or love or caring, or a presence of violence or unsafety or unpredictablity or even hidden agendas, takes away the relief. It becomes almost dreaded.

I think feeling like one is not welcome in their own home or family cuts deep at the heart and self-esteem level.

 

[rainy_daze]

The worst part is probably the fact that I"m losing my sight; I don't even have the resources to go see everything I want to before it's too late. Misul

Sorry Misul, I think my brain hadn't really registered what you had said there on first reading. If you don't mind me asking, and please know I'm asking from a place of wanting someone who is suffering to feel a little better if it's possible, are there still things you can go and see before it is too late? What I mean is that you're saying the worst part is that you're running out of time to see all the things you wanted to due to lack of resources and your sight fading. Maybe there's a way we can help you come up with ideas on how to get to see/do some things "before it's too late"? Maybe not everything, but some things could be possible. Or maybe you know some ways already? I hope that isn't too rude of me to suggest.

Again, I wish you all the best in finding a greater sense of feeling safe for yourself Misul, and thanks for starting this thread, it's been helpful.