I Want To Stop Taking Medication.

[Red Feather]

I think my medication is causing me to be suicidal. I want to stop taking it. I want to stop taking all of it. I just want to stop. Last night I did not take the amitriptilin and the quetiapin. I actually was able to have a dream this morning. I need my dreams in order to heal. Dreaming is part of the healing process.

I need to get me back. I need to face my problems, and stop numbing them. When I think about taking the setraline this morning, I just want to throw them out the window. My doctor said we would try out the setraline until our next appointment, i.e. the 3 of June. If it doesn't get better by then than I have to return to the amitripitilin. The amitriptlin makes me dizzy. The dissociations are stronger with the medication.

I want to stop. It's horrible to be constantly escaping suicide thoughts. I am tired of this.

Of course I don't know if it is due to the setraline. Because the bad timing was, that I went to Mexico last month, during the process of changing the meds from the amitriptilin to the setraline. My father is dying of cancer and my mother flipped out on me and used violence against me. So the impression was that I was not well due to this enormous stress. This would make sense. But how can I know it is not due to the medication?

I want to have me back again. I know there are probably huge consequences of not taking my medication suddenly. I haven't any patience. How can I really know that it is helping me, if I don't try to live without them? I am doing therapy, I am writing this forum, I am doing the assignments my T gives me, I am doing the best I can, I am doing fitness regularly. They can't make me take the medication, can they? I want to stop with all of it.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

Hi Nadia, Alba in another thread suggested to others thinking about tapering off their meds to go to the website below. I myself am debating stopping my meds. However, as you'll find on the website there are important guidelines to follow. If you search their website, you can look up amitriptilin, and there it will explain the best way to taper off of it. At least they had specific guidelines for my med, Cymbalta.

I worry about you "just stopping altogether." Anyway, I think you'll find the article below and the website helpful. I hope so. Do be careful.

[DLMURL]http://survivingantidepressants.org...aly-2009-halting-ssris-withdrawal-guidelines/[/DLMURL]

 

[nursenurse]

Do not stop altogether in one fell swoop! This could be dangerous, and possibly make you more depressed. I understand the want to get off medications, but it needs to be done slowly and thoughtfully, preferably with the guidance of your therapist. Tell him/her, find out their reasons for keeping you on, tell them your reasons for wanting off, like you described here, and work out a plan together. If you do it alone, and don't tell your Therapist, you will be shooting yourself in the foot, as that should be about honesty and transparency.

 

[Loloma]

Hi Nadia, agree with nursenurse. You need to do it under supervision of a doctor or therapist. Let them know about the suicidal thoughts that may be caused by a particular medication. Don't wait until your appointment in June, ring and see if you can be seen any earlier.

From memory it took me months to be weaned off the majority of my meds. It's not something to be taken lightly, or that you should do on your own.

 

[Red Feather]

I'm sorry. I'm just overwhelmed with dealing with all this suicide ideation. It's not getting better and I don't want to end up in the hospital again. I will try to talk to my doctor tomorrow. I'm just a mess and I'm scared. I've avoided the hospital twice now since coming back from Mexico.

 

[nursenurse]

Even if you do, sometimes it's better. It's quite obvious that something isn't working for you, and it needs a tweaking, whatever it is. If you can't talk to him, you may just need to head to your hospital. There is no shame in doing that. Suicidal ideation is not something to be dealt with on your own. Saying a prayer for you, it's all I can do from here. It will get better, but you have to ask for and accept help.

 

[Loloma]

You don't have to feel sorry Nadia. You've done the right thing by venting and asking for help on the forum. Tomorrow is Monday, weekends are always hard. Can understand not wanting to end up in hospital again, however when you are fragile it's best to avail yourself with all the support you can get.

Sending you big :hug: Loloma

 

[nursenurse]

And I agree with Loloma - no apologies, please. It takes a strong person to reach out for help. That would be you.

 

[madmax]

I know a thing or two about just stopping my med's cold turkey......clue: IT DOES NOT WORK YOU CAN GET SICKER MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

Here is what I found:Before taking amitriptyline, tell your doctor if you have used an "SSRI" antidepressant in the past 5 weeks, such as citalopram (Celexa), escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem, Symbyax), fluvoxamine (Luvox), paroxetine (Paxil), or sertraline (Zoloft).

You may have thoughts about suicide when you first start taking an antidepressant such as amitriptyline, especially if you are younger than 24 years old. Your doctor will need to check you at regular visits for at least the first 12 weeks of treatment.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

 

[Red Feather]

Thank you to all of you. The amitryptiline did well with me, I just had such concentration problems, weight gain, dizziness and dissociations, that I wanted to change it. That is why I still have not have given up on the setraline, which was meant to replace the amitriptilin. Because I did not want to go back to the amitryptilin. (Which I am still taking 50 mg of nights because my situation got so unstable.)

I think it is the setraline causing the depression. And I am just upset. WTF. Why am I taking medication that is supposed to help me, but is prescribed in such a way that overrides all logic. Blindly guessing in the dark if a medication might be useful or not does not seem very effective. My doctor knows about the suicide ideation and urged me to go the hospital if it gets worse. Last time I went to the emergency room, I was told to go to the open crisis ward because I was still able to safely agree to not hurting myself. But I have had disagreements with the T there, and was told I would be put on a waiting list, and had to call in every morning for a week, or to go back to the emergency room if necessary. This all seems so nonsensical, and I knew I would be put into the group therapy again if I go to that place, which triggers the dissociations, so I just didn't pursue that anymore, and I am still trying to get through this on my own.

Just a question, the doctor raised to the setraline a week ago to 150mg. I started the whole process of substituting the amitryptilin with the setraline in February. So I started with a small dosis of setraline, and am now up to 150 mg. Since the beginning of this whole process I was having suicide ideation. If this was due to the medication, would it have stopped now after 6 weeks of taking it?? Does the fact that I just raised the meds to 150mg from 100mg, contribute to any more unstable symptoms in the last week????

Thanks again.

Edit: I am in Germany so the medication has different names...

 

[ms spock]

I have really high SI, at times, at the moment due to weaning off the medications under supervision.

Whatever you do please don't go off meds on you own Nadia. Especially not cold turkey.

Keep reaching out Nadia.

 

[Red Feather]

Anyway, I think you'll find the article below and the website helpful.

[DLMURL]http://survivingantidepressants.org...aly-2009-halting-ssris-withdrawal-guidelines/[/DLMURL]

Hi SweetPea, the link isnt working. Do you know why? Thanks