I Wasn't Raped But . . .

[Gameje]

I wasn't raped, but he tried to rape me. He sexually assaulted me (I think), touched me, had me touch him, bruised me, refused my "no's," "waits," "don'ts." He let me go. Maybe he changed his mind, wanted to make it feel like he wasn't doing anything wrong, wasn't about to do anything wrong, make me feel overly sensitive and crazy. I don't know.

But, it is still causing me pain after a full year and I don't understand why. I wasn't raped, so how can my response be so intense? I just wish I was raped because then my feelings would be justified. Can the response of a simple "assault" (if that's what it was?) feel so strong or am I just being too sensitive?

 

[Fibu]

You are not oversensitive, nor crazy. It sounds like he really put you in danger of serious harm, and you still are experiencing the impact of going through that. People who so much as witness a life threatening event or assault can experience symptoms and great emotional and physical pain.

For some people, an traumatic event like this can re-awaken symptoms of an earlier trauma. If you had other experiences, then your symptoms now could be about both events. However, it doesn't mean you had to have earlier experiences - what you went through is really significant.

I'm very glad you are here and reaching out for support. If you have not done so already, it would probably be a good idea to talk to a therapist or counselor about what happened and what you are going through now.

 

[Gagicun]

You have a right to your feelings, whatever they are, and as to being too sensitive, I'm not sure there is such a thing. It's just that sensitivity is looked down upon in this culture (not sure where you are since you posted anonymously, but it's looked down on in most cultures so it's a safe bet). In some more humane cultures, like ones that would never allow people to get messed up enough to attempt rape, sensitivity is a good thing.

I think the quickest way to stay stuck in a feeling is to try to talk yourself out of your right to have it. The quickest way out is through.

Are you in therapy?

 

[Supak]

The things that were most traumatic about my rape weren't the actual penetration. He didn't even have sex until near the end of it all. The actual sex didn't make a difference, I was already terrified. What you went through was as traumatic as being raped. Your feelings are justified.

 

[Cariw]

No, you're not being too sensitive. Your sense of safety was threatened so it is not unheard of to have a reaction such as yours... There is this thing called the pyramid of needs, and safety is a foundational need of ours. If that goes out of whack, the rest of the pyramid can crumble b/c we don't have a strong foundation. It might be something you could google?

 

[Acuk]

When someone violates 'your physical/sexual space, touching your sexual parts, it is a type of rape! Perpetration is another degree of rape. Google the legal defintion and types of rape.

From what you described, you were raped!
I hope this is validating, to your well founded senses and feelings.

 

[Zuba]

Welcome to the forum! you were seriously violated and have every right to feel the way you do. no means no and he took advantage of you