maybeiamabear
Silver Member
Feeling anxious and overwhelmed after a small fight with my father. He is bitter at times when I stop being the caregiver to him. I am trying really hard to build boundaries.
These boundaries end up feeling like a prison because I am so used to being a caregiver and it gets awfully lonely and triggering. And taking care of myself also requires me being functional in order to earn money, afford things which help in self soothing - therapy, good food and due to conflicts like these - it gets overwhelming again.
I also have a silly partner fantasy - for the longest time it has felt like if I find a partner and a healthy peer group - they will help me feel safe. However, I have learnt that this responsibility lies within myself only. Only I can truly make myself feel safe. And sometimes doing this will seem like selfish to the entire world. But this is for my own and good for others too.
I am thinking of starting a small biz as a side hustle and safety for myself and also asking for a salary hike soon.
These boundaries end up feeling like a prison because I am so used to being a caregiver and it gets awfully lonely and triggering. And taking care of myself also requires me being functional in order to earn money, afford things which help in self soothing - therapy, good food and due to conflicts like these - it gets overwhelming again.
I also have a silly partner fantasy - for the longest time it has felt like if I find a partner and a healthy peer group - they will help me feel safe. However, I have learnt that this responsibility lies within myself only. Only I can truly make myself feel safe. And sometimes doing this will seem like selfish to the entire world. But this is for my own and good for others too.
I am thinking of starting a small biz as a side hustle and safety for myself and also asking for a salary hike soon.
