I Wish There Was a Bullet in the Gun "Trigger Warning"

[anthony]

Thats really good to hear that you have had work published. It's obviously something that interests you, and inspires you greatly... maybe you should continue writing them, writing about your life and emotions, trying to get it all out on the table, and provide a little relief possibly???

 

[hurtssomuch]

sue told me tonight she is starting to date another man, i really wish i was dead

 

[piglet]

Have been there myself - more times than I care to remember. It will get better. It's like a waking nightmare, but it WILL get better. Are you seeing a doc/therapist? Maybe it would help a little?

 

[YoungAndAngry]

sue told me tonight she is starting to date another man, i really wish i was dead

hurtssomuch, first of all... your poetry is amazing,
To deprieve us and the world from what your words can do.., well it wouldn't be fair.
I know life isn't fair, nothings fair...
but you need to look past today... tomarrow will be different

please don't give up

 

[hurtssomuch]

I AM THE MOON

Each night I lay me down to sleep,
My broken hearted eyes do weep,
For me there shall be, no other one,
I am the moon, and you are the sun,

I dwell in darkness, without your light,
This love I have, I can not fight,
Forever to live, so far away,
When I am the night, and you are the day,

For what is the moon without your light,
An unseen speck, adrift in plight,
I am but a shadow, without the sun,
My day is ending, when yours has begun,

Cold and lifeless, adrift in space,
My only warmth, comes from your face,
A universe, touched by your gaze,
So many worlds lit by your rays,

For you are the sun, and I am the moon,
You are the wind, and I am the dune,
I am the mountain, and you are the sky,
And I will always love you, till the day I die,

When the eyes of the sky do cry,
Its the warmth of the sun,
that makes them dry,


YOU MAKE ME


Loneness wraps its cold arms around me,
And sorrow creeps in, like a long lost friend,
And these tears I cry over a loveless life,
Only leave when my eyes close, and I pretend,

For in my dreams there is only a vision,
And for the rest of my life, all I see or do,
Shall be but pour shadows and memories,
Of the time spent, when I was holding you,

For no lover scorned, no child born,
No family friend, shall comprehend,
The love my heart, that I will impart,
From this day on, until I am gone,

Forever is a very long time,
But it is made infinite, without your love,
Of all that I am,
all that I could be, you are the best of,

What makes me , me,


i am trying, all i can think of is her, in the arms of another man, i shouldnt blame her, but it hurts so much, as soon as a women finds out what kind of pervert i am this always happens, i stayed alone for 9 years because i knew something like this would happen again, i dont deserve to be loved.

 

[anthony]

Good to hear from you again HSM,

Yep, these things happen, and quite honestly, it might just have nothing to do with you, but instead her own self issues. Have you spoken with her about it? Relationships come and go, as hurtful as some are, but at the end of the day, you have to look after yourself first, emotionally, mentally and physically. Achieve that, then possibly try relationships.

 

[hurtssomuch]

well i have done it again, i was seeing a women for a few weeks and i couldnt keep these urges in check, she walked out calling me a sick freak, i dont blame her, its wasnt enough she beat me, i flashback to when i was preforming oral sex on mom, at the time i thought she was urinating, but i now know she was climaxing, but for some reason i have urges to have women urinate in my mouth during oral sex, i should just stop dating and become a monk or something, how dioes wghat happened to me make me just as sick if not sicker then the people that did these things to me? why should i want to live like this? who would? dont they have ssome way of killing a part of the brain? if not they should,

 

[anthony]

Yer, a little medical madness to remove some memories would be good at times I think. Mate, what you have to remember though, is that "you where abused" and at no time should you ever reference yourself to your abuser, because they are the people who forced these memories upon you at childhood. Its not like you stuck your hand up and said, "pick me, pick me". You are the victim, not them.

Ok, so another relationship didn't work out. Why? What exactly went wrong? If you know it is wrong, then are you prepared to force yourself to change in order to have a more pleasing relationship, that doesn't just focus on what you want, but what the other wants also. If they don't want to urinate in your mouth, or aren't that way inclined, it could be a good idea you discuss all this with them before you get into bed together, and give some background on why that has come about with you. Maybe you should be working on just leaving that out, and trying to have them climax for you instead.

If every partner perceives some things as an issue from you, but not others, then there is nothing wrong with you, because every relationship has these issues of various natures, its really just a matter of finding a common ground. Some people like to be tied up, so they expect to then tie their partner up also... when really, just because they like it, it doesn't mean their partner must like it done to them also.

Common ground is the overall successful resolution in relationships.

 

[Nam]

How are you doing Hurts so much? We are thinking about you.

 

[hurtssomuch]

why am i getting advertisements in my post

someone posted and add in my post, asking me if i wanted to buy some monsters? is this allowed?

 

[anthony]

Called a spammer, and they have now been removed and banned from the forum. They spam anything that turns up in the search engines as a possible easy link. They will simply be removed as they strike, IP, email, name, etc etc.

 

[hurtssomuch]

thank you, i didnt no spammers would stoop so low

hi nam, and think you for asking, i am doing crappy, i was suckered into the drama with sue from englandf again, its so hard not to be when i love her so much, she has decieved me so many times, and yes i am partly to blame to, each time i got hurt i stuck out at her, in very bad ways, i went into NMP, a self help web sight that i met her in and post the truth when i knew she didnt want to tell anyone, last time i posted her name and home phone number on craigs list saying she was looking for guys to give oral sex to, but it was only i asked her to stay away from me and i cuaght her checking out my profile on a web sight, she was doing it on purpose so i knew she was doing it, it hurt allot to see her always checking me out when we had agreed to stay away, so i did a stupid thing yes i admit it, but she decieves nme all tghe time. and has allot, so we are talking still and she was going to buty a ticket for me to go be with her, and i was going to go, but i have reservations, after all the times she has lied to me i asked her to put on her web cam and show me she was not still in the house with her husband as she says she was, but she would rather break up then just turn on her web cam, and show me her house, and still say she lioves me, but she says i need to trust her, i asked her to help me trust her and she wont do it, so here io am again, broken hearted, ove rthe same women again, ive told my boss i am leaving, the women i was seeing, ive brojke it off with her too, i didnt love her but she didnt love me either, we just both need someone, now i have to go and tell everyone im not going and look like a fool once again, i hate the fa ct that i am so gullable, and can be taken so easiely for a fool, but when my hearts involved i cabnt heklp it, i hate myself mor ehthje ever, i let myself get hurt so bad,