I Wonder About My Other Half - The Effects Of PTSD On Relationships

[Andre]

I do not know the internal politics here yet. I do not know the complete history of everyone involved or really have much more than a vague idea of it for anyone. If everyone can forgive me this, then I would make a comment on this entire situation.

Everyone seems to have become very emotional very quickly. Each person's typical approach for communicating hit against all of the others. Differences in how words seem to have been used, in how phrases seem to have been intended, and in knowledge about different parts of PTSD all caused responses that are primarily emotionally driven, and required massive efforts to sort out the points that were not communicated properly because of it.

Has anyone intentionally insulted anyone else? Has anyone intentionally attacked anyone else? If not, and it does seem that no one did anything like that intentionally, then what matters is what each person has tried to clarify from what they said when they were very emotional.

Have I offended anyone? I apologize if I have.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Andre, never apologize for your point of view as everyone here is entitled to it. Just sometimes you will have people challenge it is all and that is no biggie.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Y&A,
I just wanted to say that i do seem like an angry pusky person at times and i probably can be.... you read the post where i was angry...Other people were accusing me of "attacking" and "repeating" myself so in no way do you seem rude and no i did not take your post the wrong way...

Good I'm glad my comments weren't taken the wrong way.
You are absolutly right about me taking quotes from one of your more angry posts, because that was the one that really stuck out to me.
But the thing to remember is, on the 'sufferers' side of the forum, people tend to give advice that is to-the-point and very blunt, it can be taken as insensitive or rude sometimes.
Also, I know when someone responds to one of my posts, many times those people don't have certain background info... so they do the human thing and 'assume' things about me... the only way to change their assumption is to give them the info.

Heck, I think most people are 'pushy and angry' at some point in their life! no one is perfect (although we can always try, lol)

To answer your questions... what am i going ot do about my issues? i am looking for the right phychologist at the moment, i cant just go to anyone...but i am looking and i want to find one quick...my father was helping me with this...
What i joined a forum? well i am not sure of what i have...but i do reseach all day and i do talk to people online in which i can relate to. and yes, just like i reseached PTSD, i never stop reading about what might be wrong with me. I never said i refuse to get help...see this is where things are taken the wrong way because people put words in my mouth...i never said that.

Ohhh it can be so hard to find a therapist you click with.
I hope your research goes well, and by doing the research you are actively trying to fix yourself.
Unfortunatly when I had read your previous posts, I did the human thing and made an 'assumption' which was unfair.
My fingers are crossed, and hopefully once you determine what your exact issues are you can begin healing.

but even in your first post you said some things that were not true and i dont think thats fair...you said things about me that were not true (you assumed) thats why i became upset. hope you guys understand how this mess happened and its ok to get angry if you dont know whats going on.

Yes I totally understand... welcome to the world of dealing with PTSD'ers.
Literally this is how our everyday conversations can end up if we aren't forcing ourselves to concentrate, things are misunderstood, and both parties can appear to be lashing out.

We were talking about a subject that is sensitive to both sides, and instinctively both parties got defencsive

i am going to print it up and posted near my computer so i can look at it when i need to, thank you!

I think that is a great idea :)
Don't forget to take care of yourself as well during these difficult times.

 

[hannah]

Andre- 10 out of 10 for diplopacy -

Veiled and Bec - yes you did "attack" Andrea - she was asking from a spouse point of veiw - correct me if I am wrong but she was in a fit of desperation asking for some "information" from your PTSDRS point of view and boy did she get it.!!!!!


In the similar vein as she is getting at home no doubt.!!

Us sufferers in different situations get shit all the time for no apparent reason nor rhyme!

Our world has been turned upside down after a quarter of a century and no it does not make sense ! because the very person who is responsible cant make sense of it !!


It is HARD and we are trying to learn - and to be "attacked " from an open thread like that is exactly reconstructing what is happening at home.

It is unwelcome and not needed.

BEC - yes you make your point and I learn from it - but it comes over so aggressive to a spouse who has already taken all the shit one can take at this time.

Veiled - you are very grammatical and visual in your address- but also very aggressive and that tone we spouses have already have had a belly full of!

I dont really want to intervene here but as we are all on a learning curve please understand that your particurlar spouse/friend/family might put up with your aggresion but it is upsetting for others to deal with.

Anthony - as ever as you are advanced your retort is very calm and diplomatic I guess thats why you are "the guy" who has brought us together to learn - god bless you.

Sorry but I relate to Andrea and her situation and we must respect that although there is a common thread each individual situation is different. thanks hannah

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Hannah

I'm going to have to bite my tongue in this reply.

Veiled did not respond any differently from what she would in another thread.
Her response shed some light into how PTSD'ers think, which is what Andrea was asking for....
you would think Andrea would have thanked her... instead she said something about "the two baddest girls" teaming up?

Bec was upset when she read and responded to Andrea's post

Bec,
Change my behaviors? so what should i do? stop asking him and keep living confused about what my husband thinks of me??? i really dont feel like wasting anymore time to be honest...he has been weird with me for too long...he has his PTSD uuder control recently (from what he has said) so i dont see why a question is so horrible....why would you get angry??? there is no reason for it!! and why shouldnt i get angry?? i have been wondering for so long! why the hell not just take a minute, think about an answer and give it to me! am i that horrible for asking?? come on now... you guys are still human right??

If anything was "unwelcome and not needed"... that comment would have been it... especially when it is posted in a PTSD section.

While I understand and respect the fact that spouses may be in a "fit of desperation", I think you are forgetting that people with PTSD are always in a fit of desperation.
You may completely understand how hard it is to be the spouse, (we will probally never be able to fully understand) just think of how much stress your partner 'causes you... do you realize how stressfull it is when you are the one having the nightmares/flashbacks constently throughout your day??

If you are saying Andrea's fit of desperation to get some information 'caused her to get upset and start flaming, so it should be OK because she is stressed.
Meanwhile, Bec who has PTSD (the worst of the worst anxiety disorders) gets overwhelmed and gets upset, and she should get a guilt trip??
I don't get it

Please do not tell an editor what is and is not acceptable.
They have been choosen by Anthony for a reason.
If you want to challange a staff member about their behaviour, it would be more acceptable to do it in a PM, just like we would do for a forum member.
Or just PM Anthony.

We do not intend for either of you two to feel attacked.
As Andrea said, typed words can be interperated many ways.
You know from experience that in real-life we tend to be aggresive... well, we're pretty much the same online.

I really don't want this thread to turn into a flaming fest, or a spouses vs. PTSD'ers debate.
It's gone far enough already I think.

 

[anthony]

I have closed this thread as it is being argumentative, not constructive or opinions being taken as opinions, but instead attacking.

No more posting here until people cool off, calm down, and get constructive with their opinions, not argumentative.