General I wonder if he drinks too much

[Never_falter2]

Ooooops. I meant to say one or two times a week. Sorry, had a kid climbing me. Have a kid climbing me now too by the way, I‘ll be back.

 

[Never_falter2]

It is because he is drinking alone. There was a time when he drank much more but then he was drinking with his buddies and they were drinking more then him. So I figured that it was okay.
He is not seeing those buddies that much anymore (they live far away) and for a while he drank less and when he was on medication not long ago he drank nothing.
I used to drink with him because I did not want him to drink alone but actually I do hate alcohol and I really grew sick and tired of it and do not do this anymore... though he offers it to me. He offers it to me in all kind of situations... like watching a movie together... playing chess... he is always like “want a glass of wine? Want a beer?“... and when he is drunk he sometimes says weird things... like trying to teach me how to react to emergency... not his typical nagging “do not do this because it is dangerous“... but we rarely watch scary movies but when we do he sort of wants to discuss with me what the characters did and if it was good or bad. I feel very uncomfortable about the topic.

 

[Friday]

is because he is drinking alone. There was a time when he drank much more but then he was drinking with his buddies and they were drinking more then him. So I figured that it was okay.
He is not seeing those buddies that much anymore (they live far away) and for a while he drank less and when he was on medication not long ago he drank nothing.

This honestly sounds pretty healthy, to me.

He’s adjusting how much he drinks in accordance with what’s going on in his life.

More with friends.
Less alone.
Nothing on medication.
Rarely during the school/work week
...but often during relaxed time with family
... & especially when he’s 1:1 with you and attempting to connect/share/take walls down & be close to you instead of retreating & isolating as he has been doing.

To me, this reads both as “moderate drinking” & that his priorities are you & the children

 

[Never_falter2]

You may be right. I may be too... shit... I do not know the word... distrustful???? of him.
My problem is really that I do think he might be selfmedicating... like when he had a nightmare or when he wants to be happier... and I think you are right... also when he wants to be closer to me... but would be cool if we could be closer without drink.

And that he sometimes says so weird things, talks about scary things like what to do in case of emergency or he that he does not like being a human being or says that he thinks it is bad not all ambulances have a tourniquets (is it spelled like this)... and I really do think it would be better if he wouldn‘t think of ambulances being in need of tourniquettes which is something a person sitting there in the comfort of his home should not think of.

 

[LuckiLee]

^^^ yet those are things combat veterans think of. Protecting others especially loved ones. When we are watching a movie/tv J will stop the program and tell me what the character should have done. What he would want me to do in "that" situation. He's told me where / how to park my car. How to walk to my car and many other safety precautions. And i listen and learn. As for your husbands drinking, I agree with Friday. He's controlling it and not hiding it. My guy drinks occasionally because sometimes its the ONLY thing that helps him sleep. His nightmares are really bad and liquor helps him through these times. It's not ideal but way better than sleeping pills. Those things scare us. Have a great day / night!

 

[Renestel]

Hi-
Im a sufferer and stumbled upon this on highlights hopefully this helps a bit-
I agree with all said here and unfortunately in all honesty I drink 3x more than he does and Im a female. As long as he is seeing a therapist, this is totally normal and you shouldnt worry. Self medicating is normal and I would rather my spouse use alcohol vs. pills or worse drugs you can overdose more easily on. If he isn't seeing a therapist, please suggest in the nicest way possible that he see one because we need professional help with learning how to cope with our horrid nightmares and triggers.
My other tidbit- I know supporters feel that when you watch a movie and your spouse gets triggered and pauses it to say something it can be really annoying, weird, even concerning? (I did this just last night oddly enough) Try to be supportive. Its awesome that your husband is communicating so much with you. Look at it this way- he is trying to help you and keep you safe- try saying thank you sometime he goes off on how they were putting themselves in danger and how to do it another way, I think he would really respond well to that. :) The only way (that I know) to turn living with PTSD into a positive is to utilize it as a sixth sense of safety and ultra awareness. Its like it works for you that way, not against you. Sounds like your husband does some of that, he sounds like he loves you a lot and is amazing at communicating how he is doing through the process.

 

[Friday]

^^^ yet those are things combat veterans think of. Protecting others especially loved ones. !

Yep. Like a doctor sharing medical advice, or a businessman sharing financial advice, or a politician sharing public speaking advice... we share the things we understand best with our loved ones. Because we care about them, and consider it “basic” / “must know” information.

If you grow up -or marry into- in a household with vets/ doctors/ businessmen/ politicians/ etc... there are simply going to be certain things you are instructed in, day in and day out.

 

[blackemerald1]

like when he had a nightmare or when he wants to be happier...

^^Most people drink for these reasons.

Have you sat down with him and discussed your fears with him because they are fears that you have... about his short term and long term health and coping mechanisms.

I don't mean this harshly or as judgement because I know you made this thread because you care... but have you considered that you may have a problem with any amount of alcohol being consumed?

 

[Abstract]

and I really do think it would be better if he wouldn‘t think of ambulances being in need of tourniquettes which is something a person sitting there in the comfort of his home should not think of.

I think its important to note that this is likely the PTSD. Its not the drinking. It may be that the drinking is loosening his tongue and bit and the reality of what is in his head all the time comes out a bit. You don't like that but this is PTSD. And the need to self medicate is again about the PTSD. As Blackemrald said most people who drink use it that way at least occasionally. Too varying degrees that is. Like a lot of things that arent perfect in an ideal world it is all about degrees.

If you spoke to a medical professional then they would say he is drinking too much. Not great for his health. And in my experience drinking less has helped me be more stable. But in context of mental health and struggling with shittiness that is PTSD (probably with some OCD thrown in there) then it maybe isnt that dysfunctional and he at least seems to have control over this. It isnt taking over his life. Loads of "normal" people would have this pattern of behaviour exactly.

Perfect health ----- recovery from PTSD and only using good behaviours --- reality slightly messy living with PTSD ----- total dysfunction.

 

[blackemerald1]

Think of weddings and wakes.... we drink when we are happy and we drink when we are sad... and this is normal people... so all people who drink must be self-medicating really.... lol

It is the amount and frequency of intake that creates the problem... perhaps less so the reason. Idk...

 

[Abstract]

Yup. We obviously aren't much talking about the happy reasons in context of your guy from what you describe but other reasons people drink is: enjoying the flavour and experience, social bonding, expressions of celebration, ritual, ceremony, relaxation (which can have a self medicating aspect to it)

Then self medicating, social anxiety. freeing up inhibition, addiction etc. And self medicating can range from someone working too long and hard and needing a glass of wine to relax in the evening to someone trying to drown their whole lives and selves in a bottle. How pathological that self medicating is depends on where it falls on that spectrum and how much damage it is doing to the persons life and relationships.

 

[blackemerald1]

how much damage it is doing to the persons life and relationships.

^^Very good point. @Never_falter2 - how much damage is he doing?