Identifying Or Empathic? How To Shut Myself Off For Others Problems....

[Yvy]

Hi everyone,

I have a job, just 10-15 hours a week which costs me a lot. Most of the time I'm afraid and when I get home I take the job home. I see a lot of people who go through difficult stuff. They are losing loved ones to cancer, or a child that will die. I'm a physical therapist. I work in a practice so I see a lot of people who can be helped too. But the ones with the problems... When they leave I feel awful. I know I'm sensitive (HSP?) and do something, maybe am too empathic. I can't manage to separate myself from others problems and heavy feelings. It makes me feel awful too and drains me of my energy. This week I found this article which was about highly sensitive people and being empathic the difference between that and identifying. It said that if you identify you identify with the person and the problems. And that is not the same as being empathic. I finally recognized that this is what I do in my job. And it makes me sooo tired. I really like to learn not to identify with everyone I meet, with their feelings, troubles and problems. And of course I want to help them but not without caring for myself. Otherwise I won't be able to hold on I think.

So I'm looking for information on the internet or in books but I can't find anything about this subject. Does anyone recognize this? When I was a child I was abused and I listened to my mothers problems and it drained me of my energy. She'd feel better again and acted like nothing had happened while I felt awful. So I know it has to do with my C-PTSD. But I don't know how to shut this off or how to stay with myself.

A few hours ago I talked with a friend who just lost her father. Her story was awful and I thought "I'm identifying again." but I couldn't stop it. I felt awful and heavy again. It's so difficult to stop doing this and don't take everything up from everyone around me like some sort of sponge. It really weighs me down.

I would be super glad if someone could tell me if they recognize this. And so yes, what helps you? Or are there any articles or books? I would be so grateful because I think if I would manage to identify less I would be able to work more and go home and relax more which would help me with my anxiety and my panic attacks...

Thanks

 

[ground crew]

I don't have any helpful information except I over empathize too. I can't watch the news. I lower my head and bear my teeth when i see a bully picking on others. Complex PTSD here too! Maybe the nature of the beast. I worked at a veterinarian hospital in high school and impressed the vet. He wanted me to be a vet and offered to send me to school. I saw how draining it was to work with the sick an suffering animals and declined. Well, that and because the non supportive parents had told me I was an under achiever so I did not think I could pull off 8 years of college. Turns out, I am pretty cleaver and most likely could have done it.

 

[hodge]

I am a HSP, too. I know how you feel. I come on to this forum mostly to give support to others and it can be draining, so I limit my time here. I really care about everyone here and my maternal side takes over, but I do have to shut myself off sometimes, too. We need to, otherwise we have nothing left for ourselves or for others. I don't know what else to recommend since you're not working a whole lot of hours, but it sounds like too much for you.
Just try to focus on yourself and take care of yourself. And, as I ask everyone I meet for the first time: are you in therapy? on any anti-anxiety meds? Both can really help.

 

[Yvy]

@ground crew Thanks for your answer. I have the same thing: I can't watch the news either! All those awful things. I've talked about this with others and they just turned out the tv and let it go. But I think about all those woman being raped or treated awful, people killing each other for nothing but money and power. I think about it for days and also lose faith in humans. So I stopped watching. Some people think that you're dumb then but I don't care a lot about that anymore... I'm so sorry that you're parents didn't support you and that it was so draining to work with the animals. I really think it should be possible to learn ourselves not to identify but to be empathic. Since I read that article. I think maybe a lot of the high sensitive people with Complex PTSD have the problem of identifying and it costs us a lot.

@hodge thanks. Yes I do have therapy and for the first time in years I'm really happy with my therapist who seems to understand me. It was hard finding a good one... And I did start anti depressants and something to sleep at night. Do you get support on this forum too for yourself? Thanks for the tips.

If someone is interested, the article is called "how to be an empath with muscle" by Janny Juddly the website is called elephant journal. Its a short article that explains the difference between empathy and identifying. And when you identify you get drained etc.

 

[hodge]

Great article, Yvy, thanks. It's now bookmarked on my computer. I'm so glad you have a good therapists. Yes, I come here for myself, too, sometimes, and do find support.

The dog in your avatar looks a lot like my dear late Misha, whose photo is my avatar. Is he or she yours?

 

[Yvy]

Hi @hodge My parents have a dog like that but this photo I took from the internet. Those dogs are so sweet! Your Misha was to I guess?

I'm happy that you liked the article. I tried finding more information and practical tips about this but turn up empty handed. I wish I could find more because it'll really help in my job..

 

[hodge]

Yes, Misha was very sweet. Everyone loved her, especially little kids. She loved them, too. I'm sorry I never had any, because she was a great dog for a family with kids. On the other hand, she did take good care of my inner child:).

 

[Yvy]

ahhh so sweet. I love dogs like that!

For anyone interested: If you type in 'codependent' you get a lot of articles and information on google about what I asked for and the identifying. Happy that I finally found what its called.