General If Alcoholism Was A Person Today I Would Kick It In The Balls

[Livy's Mom]

I think the name of the thread speaks for itself but man am I frustrated. I need to vent.

Obviously nobody wants to deal with alcoholism in their lives at any point but as many of you know when you grow up with this in your family you can often times become one of us lovely "codependents". This is me.

Now that I am here in this situation dealing with my sufferer I have had a few revelations.

First I have been blaming all of his bad behavior on PTSD. This was a big mistake on my part. Yes he has PTSD and that is unfortunate. He has many symptoms that come and go, some worse than others. I recognize them and have done a so so job of educating myself to be able keep myself from sinking.

The relationship of course hasn't survived since he left us twice in the past two months and I chalked that up to the PTSD.

The whole time this was happening the one problem that remained constant was drinking. He drank and drank. It was the symptom that made me realize there was a problem at all. It was the behavior that caused me to nag. It was the behavior that caused him to lie. It was the behavior that caused him to say horrible things to me when confronted, It was the behavior that prompted him to leave.

PTSD may be the reason he drinks.... but alcoholism is the reason he ruined our family.

I am proud to say that I love him but I don't give a shit if he drinks himself to a coma anymore (not literal) I'm 33 years young and divorced once already from an alcoholic. I have an alcoholic father that I have no relationship with and I just want to remove this disease from my mind.

He doesn't live here, I can support myself and my daughter with or without him, I deserve to learn how to free myself from this.

 

[The Albatross]

I smiled when I read the title. Livy's Mom... it is a sad situation but I'm glad you and your daughter are out and away from dealing with the alcoholics in your life. Adult Child of Alcoholic literature helped me a great deal, and also the book .The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

 

[discarded]

Well said Livy's Mom. Unfortunately many PTSD sufferers cope by drinking alcohol. Of course it doesn't help them to deal with the PTSD, just numbs their senses for a while.

I hope you do free yourself from the cycle of alcoholism and make a good life for you and your daughter.

 

[amethist]

My husband drank to deal with his PTSD symptoms in the beginning, but the look on my face one morning at 5 am was all it took for him to get help to deal with it.

If he hadn't, we would not be together now.

Stick to your guns Livy's Mom, keep you and your daughter safe, stay strong and keep going forward.

 

[intothelight]

All I can say is good for you. That is a hard decision, but as long as an alcoholic does not seek and stay in treatment, there is little or nothing you can do.

Make the best life for you and your daughter and I wish you nothing but happiness.

 

[I Can Do This]

Livy's mom - I was just reading a book last night that talked about (in one chapter) why alcoholics marry co-dependents. It is called Keeping the Love You Find - Harville Hendrix. I highly recommend it to you.

One thing it says - and which you stated above - is that you will continue to repeat this pattern, and you have. You and your husband are in this sickness together, it is yin/yang and you are perfectly matched - the goal in your union is to heal each other of your childhood wounds. Granted, he appears to be causing more wounds to your heart but you will unconsciously seek out another relationship with an addict because that is what is familiar, comfortable and known to you. You will be drawn to men like this like moths to a flame.

I hope you can read it - I really think it can give you deep insight.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Couldn't have said it better myself. Bravo! Personally I think you are taking on way to much blame for the treatment you received. Alcoholism is tough to live with. I am a fellow codependent. You are not alone. Take the advice to get help and research the awful types of personality disorders that are out there. Arm yourself against what you are attracted to. Wishing you and your family a healthy future.

tb

 

[Nicolette]

I think this is a book I read which really put it into perspective and helps you learn about the role you play - once you identify a behaviour you can then change it.... stop the dance and walk a new road ;)

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