If I'm not perfect I'm failing...

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
I got into a meeting 5 mins early and it was just me and my sup and he asked how I was doing and so brought this up. Letting him know that seeing that I'm not doing well makes me hyper focus on it and then that frustrates me at myself and then my stats go downhill. I mentioned that my last sup told me to just let it happen. My current sup didn't get that, like at all. He took that as if I wouldn't be trying to improve and that's not the case. I was warned that this sup would be more military like. If I have advised my sup of my anxiety struggles, I always ask how my next sup will be for me and was warned that this sup is like being in the military. I'm like, "oh, great". It's not bad. Just means I can't be as honest with him.

Either way, saying to myself "just let it happen" when I feel my anxiety going up or when I feel like hyper focusing on how long I've been on the call. It's helping, like, a lot. So far anyway. Not sure how to figure out what that trigger is but maybe it's just constantly reminding myself of this. Super glad my last sup and I had a bit of a heart to heart about this and he gave me that "you know what you are doing and you know you can do this so just let it happen" phrase. I can still strive to improve in individual areas while still talking myself down, if that makes sense. I will always strive to improve but I just need to learn to not hyper focus on it.

This current sup said that "practice makes perfect" isn't true. It's "perfect practice makes perfect". Thanks but that doesn't help! Sigh!
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
I'm still struggling off and on with this. It's so hard cause it's so core and it's not active so I'm feeling frustrated that I don't have an active thought to work with nor can I really find that trigger. Most of my calls have been great but I got called into a coaching for a mistransfer that escalated up (was a learning experience) but my notes on the account were super aggressive. I think it's that same thing that causes tone changes on my calls. Frustration with myself.

Shit is hard when you have a customer facing job!

I'm just trying so hard to put my performance to the side and just focus on that one customer. My therapist said that it's really the core of what PTSD is. At least the stuff we were talking about.

My therapist gave me some ideas though that I'm gonna try. And he mentioned a sticky note. I keep a small WordPad doc up on my screen that I type on but at the top I have some notes that are saved that are for me and get changed out. Trying to think of a good few word one for this. "Just let it happen" is a good one but I'm trying of think of one that I can look at when anxiety is high or frustration is high that would help to lower that. "Breathe" I've had up there before and it doesn't work. I already have "slow down" up there and "pause" cause I interrupt customers without knowing it.

Anyone have any ideas on this? Would a sticky note type thing even help, do you think?
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
Would a sticky note type thing even help, do you think?
I can see where it could help, but you're the only one who would know for sure. It's about what helps YOU. Some of this, like slowing down and actually listening to people are common problems that a lot of people have. Don't know that that makes you feel any better, but it's true.

Consider this. You're already pretty good at your job and you've been successful at this job for awhile now. What you're looking at now is fine tuning. You're working on getting BETTER at your job. Don't think of it as a survival thing, that adds an extra layer of stress that doesn't have to be there.

Maybe the word "Listen" to go along with "pause"?
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Consider this. You're already pretty good at your job and you've been successful at this job for awhile now. What you're looking at now is fine tuning. You're working on getting BETTER at your job. Don't think of it as a survival thing, that adds an extra layer of stress that doesn't have to be there.
It's weird though. I'm not actively thinking of it as a survival thing. Or at least I'm not trying to or aware of it. But will try to remember that. Maybe one to repeat to myself?


Maybe the word "Listen" to go along with "pause"?
Hmmm. Maybe. There is listening and then there is active listening or "hearing" what the customer is saying and isn't saying. If that makes sense. Not sure. Right now I have pause - tone, contact # (cause I have a habit of not jotting down the # they are on, getting disconnected and then don't have a # to call them back and so they call us back which then hits my stats as a first call resolution or fixing all their issues on that first call) and "repeating?" Maybe can tweak the pause - tone one? There is another phrase a team mate gave us that I had on there for a while "fix the customer before the issue" meaning tone, empathy, hearing other struggles, understanding, the human connection with the customer before anything else. Maybe put that one back on there.

Honestly not even sure what would help this to be honest. Ugh!
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
I can see where you wouldn't want TOO many notes. Seems like it could get to be overwhelming.

The thing about really listening and trying to understand what's going on is that it can be pretty absorbing. I find that focusing on the person I'm dealing with helps me not be as worried about dealing with them. (That probably doesn't make any sense. LOL) People like it when they think you're taking them seriously and think they're important. Whatever helps you focus on that!

Notes about specific things like the contact # would be important for sure. Is that part of how you open the conversation?
I'm not actively thinking of it as a survival thing
Probably not. Because the core belief part of this`is so deep and so basic that it automatically flips you into survival mode. Which makes it harder to think with the higher functioning parts of your brain. I think this is similar to what used to happen to me when I had to talk to my mom on the phone. I eventually realized (yea therapy!) that I was reacting like it was a dangerous situation when it was no longer true that it was. Kind of a habit. I used to actively remind myself before a call that "she's a little old lady who lives 5 hours away from here, there's nothing she can do that matters." Didn't make the problem go away, but it made it a LOT easier to deal with. In this case, being less than someone's idea of "perfect" has gotten you in trouble and it's a scary thing. Under stress, we tend to go back to the first things we learned. But those ways of thinking might not be helpful anymore.

Have I mentioned lately that you've really come a long ways since you first came to this forum? You have. I'm pretty impressed!
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Notes about specific things like the contact # would be important for sure. Is that part of how you open the conversation?
No, I don't think I can write a good cheery call flow that starts with getting their contact number. Actually, I think they changed it anyway to we have to say "Thank you for calling X, this is X, how can I help you" anyway. Call flow is so hard to change cause it becomes habit and it's hard to change habit. Especially if it's been habit for a minute. Been trying to add contact # in there for a hot minute too. It's about habit. So it's there to remind me to try to help change that habit.

Guess I could look at this mindset or core belief the same way?


Probably not. Because the core belief part of this`is so deep and so basic that it automatically flips you into survival mode. Which makes it harder to think with the higher functioning parts of your brain. I think this is similar to what used to happen to me when I had to talk to my mom on the phone. I eventually realized (yea therapy!) that I was reacting like it was a dangerous situation when it was no longer true that it was. Kind of a habit. I used to actively remind myself before a call that "she's a little old lady who lives 5 hours away from here, there's nothing she can do that matters." Didn't make the problem go away, but it made it a LOT easier to deal with. In this case, being less than someone's idea of "perfect" has gotten you in trouble and it's a scary thing. Under stress, we tend to go back to the first things we learned. But those ways of thinking might not be helpful anymore.
The makes a super duper ton of sense and how I came to habit. Makes a lot of sense. Thanks.


Have I mentioned lately that you've really come a long ways since you first came to this forum? You have. I'm pretty impressed!
😊

I'm glad I have. I don't think we can see it as much as others do though. But, yeah, I can see some progress.

Edited to add: Oh, I added "just focus on this one customer" and that seems to be helping a lot.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
No, I don't think I can write a good cheery call flow that starts with getting their contact number. Actually, I think they changed it anyway to we have to say "Thank you for calling X, this is X, how can I help you" anyway. Call flow is so hard to change cause it becomes habit and it's hard to change habit. Especially if it's been habit for a minute. Been trying to add contact # in there for a hot minute too. It's about habit. So it's there to remind me to try to help change that habit.

Guess I could look at this mindset or core belief the same way?



The makes a super duper ton of sense and how I came to habit. Makes a lot of sense. Thanks.



😊

I'm glad I have. I don't think we can see it as much as others do though. But, yeah, I can see some progress.

Edited to add: Oh, I added "just focus on this one customer" and that seems to be helping a lot.
Here's an idea.....change your screen name.....so you don't see a "negative" everytime you log in. I've changed names several times, and I've tried to get more positive....that is one thing that you can think on.....if you were going to have an online username that gave off positive energy, what might it be? Something that is positively reinforcing....instead of reinforcing negative thoughts about yourself? Something that maybe has a bright light at the end of the tunnel, or talks to your values, or positive sides of your personality.......just a thought!
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
Here's an idea.....change your screen name.....so you don't see a "negative" everytime you log in. I've changed names several times, and I've tried to get more positive....that is one thing that you can think on.....if you were going to have an online username that gave off positive energy, what might it be? Something that is positively reinforcing....instead of reinforcing negative thoughts about yourself? Something that maybe has a bright light at the end of the tunnel, or talks to your values, or positive sides of your personality.......just a thought!
My username here? I dunno. I don't really look at it to be honest with you.
 
Top