If You Have Made A Lot Of Progress...

[SimplyComplex]

Hi all. I am new to the diagnosis of PTSD and to this board. I started therapy a year ago in quite a bit of denial involving my childhood and especially the abuse I received from my mother. With alot of patience and work, I have been working through memories, dealing with flashbacks. I cut back on drinking, staying too busy, working out in excess, being a perfectionist, etc all in order to be able to focus on healing. I have worked on self care, etc.

Recently I had a pretty big slip back as I decided I did not want to have this life anymore. I mean, I love my family, I just don't want to have to deal with my childhood so I refused to think about it anymore and employed all my denial and avoidance skills. Well I caught myself slipping and got back on track, only to be bombarded with flashbacks and anxiety. My parents (who abused me and I cut contact with) started to call and leave messages, so that didn't help! Last week my therapist confirmed she is treating me for PTSD. She had not mentioned it before, likely because my mom had it and blamed it for her being pretty abusive. "Oh, it was just my PTSD" she would say. But it is pretty apparent I have it. She didn't say c-PTSD though...but based on the entire first 21 years of my life being abusive...well its more likely, I have been reading.

Anyways, I have made alot of progress. Just in 10 months of treatment, I have started to trust my therapist (ok, so slow, but looking on the bright side). I have nightmares less then once a month. I sleep most nights. My startle response is almost normal. I have less anxiety most days. I have less physical symptoms. I guess where I am a bit down is that this slip up, and now all these big flashbacks makes me worry about how much I will be able to recover.

So this is a long lead up to my question. For those who have made a good bit of recovery, do you have advice? What were some of the keys to your success? Any words of wisdom?

Also, are there any studies related to recovery that might be helpful?

Thanks so much! I am mostly optimistic...there are just some days...ya know?

 

[anthony]

There are no real studies of credibility about complex trauma healing duration, other than they outline... its a complex, individual process that can take years. The average study steers clear of complex trauma because their results would be miniscule at best, with years of time required for dedicated helping to each person.

 

[ronin47]

Hi SimplyComplex. Welcome to the forum!

I am unabashed in saying I've made tremendous progress in the last 2 years. I actually first started seeing counselors regularly at age 15 and saw high school counselors on and off before that. However it wasn't until I came here to my university and walked into the Wellness Center that I truly started to heal and make progress in my recovery as I found a group of mental health professionals that were more thorough and comprehensive (to put it charitably) than my previous therapists. I am not exaggerating when I say that thinking about myself when I first arrived here at school is like thinking about a totally different person. It's sometimes hard to wrap my mind around the fact that that was actually me.

As far as pearls of wisdom I've picked up along the way...

1. Therapy sessions are your time. Remember that. When the T closes that office door, delete the words should, correct, too, etc from your vocabulary. The only standard is how well you and your therapist communicate.

2. It gets better. As you've already learned, it gets harder before it gets easier, but the hard work in the beginning is well worth it. I still struggle with things that weren't seemingly a problem for me before I started therapy, but I wouldn't go back, not for a minute.

3. Always move forward. I tell people that it's not counterproductive to feel bad during therapy as long as you feel like you are working through the bad feelings rather than working with them. In other words, when you are talking about painful memories or bad feelings, it's important to "get them out" rather than "bring them up." If that makes sense.

4. Don't keep secrets. Don't keep stuff inside. It's one thing if you feel uncertain about something and how to express it. It's another if you are consciouss of a toxic feeling or thought and delibrately keep it a secret. Turn out rather than in. Reach out to people. Let as many people as you feel possible know about your struggles. I struggled with self mutiliation for four years. Then, after 17 months of abstaining from self injury, I cut myself. But it was different that time. Instead of washing off the blood, covering up the cut, and going out into the world with this dark secret under my sleeves, I reached out. I called my therapist right away and he calmed me down and scheduled an extra appointment for that week. I told my mother over the phone. I told an old friend over facebook chat. I told a friend on the debate team.

5. Make yourself a priority. Put yourself at the top of your list of responsibilities. It's not narcissism, it's self care. Work hard at taking care of yourself. Through my efforts to take the best care of myself possible, I have built and developed a group of tremendous support that includes a psychaitrist, my current therapist, a supervising MFT, a clinical psychologist, an endocrinologist, a primary care nurse, a dietician, a religious minister, two of my previous roomates, multiple professors, the Student Leadership Coordinator, the Students with Disabilities Coordinator, and of course this forum. I take every opportunity to add someone I feel I can trust to this network. When everything else in this world is totally and completely beyond your control, the one thing you'll have power over is yourself. So, in light of that, you should make sure your self is at its absolute best.

I hope that wasn't too much. I have a tendency to ramble on if given the opportunity. I hope you find this forum useful.

 

[IchBin]

I am ~4 years into my recovery process, and recently have I begun to get some traction and see substantial life improvement. Things really can get better, but it's a bumpy road. It's taken me a while to sort out when I need to let other people in and tell them about troubles associated with therapy, setbacks, confusion, explain symptoms, etc. Luckily I have 2 close friends who know my story and all the details, so it's easier to explain things when need be. Finding a balance with this is hard, and initially reaching out is even harder - as it puts you in a vulnerable position - but it is well worth it. Even if, however, they know your story, don't expect that to mean they immediately really understand what you're going through. Understanding that gulf is tricky - sometimes I preface something I say with "I don't expect you to know what to say in response, I just want you to hear me" - but being able to do this outside of therapy can be enormously helpful. Of course the best place to do this is in the therapist's room, but sometimes the more unstructured testing grounds of friendships can be good, too.

Hope this helps ----