DID I'm a freak.

[Punky143]

Let's face it, if I actually allowed "us" meaning the ones who reside in me to have friends and we let them know about us, then we definitely wouldn't have friends. I've done the entire conversation scenario's out in as many ways possible and there's no other way to describe me. I'm about to walk into work and spend the greater part of my day with headphones on just trying to block the annoying noises out. I'm triggered by not only the sight of my boss but his voice, that's how much I hate him. This is my week, every weekand I get to go home to similar triggering things...I just want to be alone, always, people just need to leave me alone.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Are you in therapy?

Also, you're not a freak.

 

[CriticalMars]

Seek out info that helps you. I hope your day improves!

 

[Punky143]

I am in therapy but what's an hour a week going to do?

 

[Dissociated1]

It took 3, maybe 4 years of therapy before I stopped referring to myself as a "freak." It was nails on a chalk board to my first two therapists. A 40 something year old married man who like a werewolf on a full moon turns into a 13 year old girl 2 days a week; wears a bikini to the beach; spends hours in the juniors department deciding which pair of leggins to buy for yoga; has her own life, her own friends a completely separate world that doesn't have a clue she is an alter of a DID system. And the hardest part to swallow of all- who no one ever questions is a girl.

It wasn't until the nightmares and flashback began that I started to see myself for who I truly am: Someone who was born with an amazing gift that enabled me to cope with a world of death, violence, rape, molestation and psychological abuse. Whose innocent child's mind conceived of a way to go on day after day after day instead of committing suicide; developed a System of alters so sophisticated it worked like a well oiled machine to simulate a healthy person for nearly 50 years. A spirit who won a victory over human nature, said "It stops with me" and ended the cycle of abuse by not perpetrating the atrocities that were committed against me to anyone else. I am unique, but I am not a freak. I am a Survivor.