I'm Alone

[sassyfras]

I am so lonely. I feel alone every day, all the time and I just wish I didn't feel this way.

I'm doing OKAY as of right now, but at the same time I feel utterly hopeless. I wish I was someone else. I just got back from a therapy session and we talked a lot about how lonely I feel, but didn't go much into how to not feel so isolated. I guess I'm having trouble finding out how to ignite my coping mechanisms, and how to remember what they are/were/could be.

 

[Nighthawk]

You are not alone in the way you are feeling. I feel this way on a very often basis.


Nighthawlk

 

[sassyfras]

Yeah,
I spend every day alone in bed. If I'm having a good day, I can make a "fortress" in the living room with my computer, tv and assorted distractions. I always go back upstairs though before my family is home from work.

I was able to take a nap today though for a few hours without any *terrible* nightmares. They're still really psychologically f****d, but not as traumatic for now.

 

[seedling]

Glad to hear you had a nap.

I feel alone a lot and sometimes a trapped-inside-myself aloneness.

Take care.

Reminds me of building blanket forts when I was kid and my kids did the same thing. Hope your fortress serves you well in your recovery.

 

[sassyfras]

thanks it definitely makes me feel better :)

 

[sassyfras]

I'm really scared I'll never find a guy. I know it's probably not the best time to be looking for someone special (I don't even leave my house lol) but at the same time I have been single and alone back here in my home town for a while now. Since I moved back here from being with my abuser I have had almost no friends, hardly any contact with people, and 3 dates from a dating website which all went wrong and sucked!

I feel like I'm never going to get married or have a normal life.

Sometimes I wish I really believed in all the "end of the world 2012" stuff just so I could know I'm not suffering too much longer...LOL. I do, however, have that whole 'thinking my lifespan will be short...I'm gonna die young," symptom or attitude going on. Grr

 

[seedling]

Glad you're on this site to have some contact with people. You sound like a really social person normally (or before this).

Have patience with yourself and take your time. So glad you can be back with your family while you need to be.

Just think of how much better you will be at patience later in your life after going through this healing process! You'll be the envy of all :)

This is what you need now and it won't always be this way.

 

[sassyfras]

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me...I did used to be pretty social and everything, I hate feeling robbed of my self. I am trying to deal with this healing process, I'm just glad I have this site where I can talk to others.

Again, thank you for that post it really made a big difference to my day.

I feel like a baby for crying at the little things, BUT this is a GOOD cry!!

 

[James B.]

It's healthy to write about it, to share it and get it out.

That's for sure. I will say this, at age 20 and with a correct diagnosis, you have a huge advantage. Huge. The immediacy of youth, of being young, is forceful imperative. But as said above, be a little patient. Take some time. The "party" will still be going when you feel able to rejoin. I know it. Being "strategic" about one's life, even a little, can really pay dividends. Now seems to be the time for self-work, for self development in terms of healing and growth. OK, go with it. It will pay off in so many ways, ways that no one may be able to predict. Correct diagnosis at an early age is a gift.

Good luck.
James B.

 

[sassyfras]

Thanks James, it certainly doesn't feel like a gift lol. It is good to learn my boundaries and coping skills though at this age. I'm trying every single thing I can to heal, but I have to be careful not to push myself. I will probably be starting a diary this weekend. I need to talk some of this crud out and actually process it. Thank you.

 

[kers]

Oof, can I relate to this. I have a job, but often the contact with other people makes me more lonely--I see how easily they relate, how strong their connections are to others, and it is all so foreign.

I do a sports class and go to church and both of those things require regular, positive contact with other people that doesn't get too close or personal. This has been a good start for me. Start with small steps, like just leaving the house and doing one thing that brings you near others. Small steps together lead to big results.

 

[James B.]

RE: "Thanks James, it certainly doesn't feel like a gift lol"

I know. :smile: I meant it in a relative way (the diagnosis part, not the PTSD :rofl:) because without the correct diagnosis, my losses were many. Ugh! Too many to count! :crazy: I sure wish I had a correct diagnosis at 20! :doh: Anyway, kers has a good idea. I do something kinda similar. Go to the pool, light interaction that's easy to control. Take care and good luck with everything.