I'm Developing A New Kind Of Flashback?

[McCray]

In my past I frequently suffered from flashbacks regarding sexual abuse. I still do have these, however I am making progress with the help of medication and psychiatrists. However I also am recently overcoming severe anorexia. I am so glad to be out of the situation I was in. That was a scary time in my life. At points I nearly died and was barely able to walk. As of recently I find myself getting flashbacks to that time in my life, is this normal?

 

[arfie]

I surely don't want the job of defining the "Norm" for flashbacks, nor am I sure I would believe anybody who claimed to have accomplished that job, but...

That was a scary time in my life. At points I nearly died and was barely able to walk. As of recently I find myself getting flashbacks to that time in my life, is this normal?

I surely can see where that could leave some residual issues in need of healing.

 

[Chava]

Agree with @arfie in not wanting to define the "norm". It sounds like you were in a scary place, maybe not too "with-it" in your level of starvation, and probably having some clarity on it now, whether bad memories or images or flashbacks that are just sort of cracking that experience open in a new way.

I've often replayed really sh#tty scenes from when I was hospitalized with anorexia. For me they feel like bad memories, but in a weird and disconnected way, like who-was-that-person???? For me it doesn't feel like trauma stuff, but there is a similar kind of non-integration...like I can't look back and feel like that was "me" or my life (mostly because I really was "absent" when most starved). Not sure if that makes any sense. It's gotten better for me, so that even some of the bad memories feel like part of my story, like that was me and I can even feel sad for the experience vs disconnected or ashamed. But whether a bad memory the keeps coming back and feeling out of place, or a flashback, for me they are all about integration on some level...having that continued sense of self vs feeling all blown apart. Maybe I'm totally not making sense though.

Glad you're getting healthier. It's hard work, so good going!! :hug: