What kind of flashbacks do you get?

[InsertCoinsHere]

Did anything proceed them?

These sound like the flashbacks I was getting shortly after I had opened a big part of me that required addressing. I had denied that I was sexually abused for so long, I was in total denial to the point that I truly believed I was making up my story.. My emotions and cognitions were in a total dilemma and something had to give to make me whole and begin healing.

That's when memories I had forgotten came back in strong force, things I had forgotten came back with all the emotion, these images and feelings felt true as the colour red they were undeniable. I was slowly coming to terms that yes I was taken advantage of and abused.. Since those flashbacks I've began to feel more validated in myself and a protector of me.. I can let go of believing I'm disgusting and worthless and slowly week by week this gradually happens.

This is partly why I get so frustrated when health care professionals or family invalidate me as they haven't walked in my shoes, it's very frustrating to know you're doing everything in your ability to heal and accept the past to move forward while others resist change through use of stigma, manipulation, ignorance and purely wanting to be 'right' - Many but not all Doctors have terrible 'ego'.

 

[MyWillow]

It’s hard to understand for me. I’d dissociate as soon as my T mentioned childhood so we didn’t get very far. It’s like there’s a big brick wall in my memory. But yeah some of my nightmare flashbacks were extremely disturbing. Not quite ready to go there.

 

[jade53]

@Lionheart777
Just so you know, I equate that to when my own doctor finally blew his cover not so much by telling me I just had to accept that I have bipolar disorder, but more that all the stories I kept telling about the work I did for the government were completely factitious.
The particular point in issue at the time was some photographs of my injuries that I swore the police had taken, but they denied and only confirmed how dangerous I was becoming in my doctor's mind.

Meanwhile I was seriously beginning to wonder not only of my own sanity, but the character of the alleged police photographer considering the content of some of my poses.

I almost feel sorry for him now considering he was far from the only person that thought that way, but he really shouldn't have accused and threatened to commit me if he heard another word about them, or my friend in the Ombudsman's office that "spoke to me all the time" and suggested I try to get them through freedom of information.

I might have got a little too sadistic with the way I decided to show them to him when I got them later in the week shortly before my next appointment, but at least I managed to get him to break down and tell me all about what an absolute mental case he was.

 

[Cari-K]

I don't have answers; I am new here myself. But this is a poem I just wrote about an experience I had yesterday. I don't know what to call it, except profound. It had meaning.

Flashbacks and Other Dissociations

Shivering cold slipping into huddled helpless immobility
Stumbles me to the porch and the eastern sun
Warm already in early June and I cover my face against the blaze.
And am still, and quiet as the insects drone and the sun immerses me in God, and I go away. I travel for miles and years and don't sleep.
Then emerge from my cocoon and blink, who knows how long later.
The sun has moved, maybe.

Carissa

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Really good writing, I enjoyed that and could highly relate. I've always found dissociating to be a deep odd peacefulness, one I'd rather avoid but there is a sort of quietness that comes with it.. Depending on the environment. Please share more when you have any, thanks.

 

[wiltedflowers]

I feel like my experience is very similar, the worst part for me is feeling like I'm regressing back to being a child and feeling helpless over what I'm remembering. I'm not sure if what I experience is a flashback because I feel like I have some awareness that what I'm experiencing isn't actually happening...but it still feels like it is? I also get horrible physical sensations related to the traumas, which make my skin crawl and make me feel nauseous. I know the C-PTSD isn't an official diagnosis in the UK at the moment but hopefully that changes soon.

 

[Cari-K]

Skin crawl, stomach ache, nauseous... that's what my "body memories" are like, which is another kind of flashback and usually something that happened with complete awareness. Other times I am aware, in a weird way, that life still exists, but am lost in the memories and the past, and it feels like losing time, like i can't realize time has passed until I return to the present, which happens without my conscious control. Sometimes I don't remember where I was, at all. Although I knew while I was there experiencing the moment, which comes with all the emotions and sensations of the time.

 

[Marvel545]

1) If you have CPTSD or PTSD what kind of flashbacks do you get, how often, do they come and go, did they reappear during therapy?

My flashbacks are emotional. I can feel them coming on & I have difficulty identifying the trigger. Sometimes it's external & sometimes internal. I have suffered with flashback for most of my adult life. There is probably a handful of days in the past 14 years where I've not dealt with a flashback.

2) Do those with CPTSD often have great difficulty with having their diagnosis taking professionally? How can I get them to take it seriously?

I haven't been to my doctor, but I have been treated by 4 therapists in the past 6 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD, but I am currently reading Pete Walkers book 'from surviving to thriving' & reading about the fawn type is like looking in a mirror. It is me to a tee!

3) Any tips to help manage bubbling anger from being invalidated would be helpful.. Most distress tolerance techniques I'm using aren't really helping.

I am really early in my recovery, so I can't help too much on this one, as I'm learning myself.

I think HALT is a great thing, which I will try myself. Over the years I have used the headspace app to take the edge off, it does help, but it doesn't get to the root cause of why I feel the way I do!

 

[Edna L]

I have repressed memories of abuse that took place during my formative years, which only started coming out two weeks ago after i've been going to a clinical psycologist, specializing in hypnosis (referred to by my house dr after i was diagnosed with ptsd). The emotional and physical symptoms I experienced was so intense after hypnosis, that I thought I was having a heart attack and was going to either die or be forever trapped in my 'crazy' mind. During therapy I was told that not only does the mind store memories, but the body as well, at cellular level. So when you allow yourself to let the emotions run free, and let your body react, the repressed memories / flash backs will also appear. When mind, body and soul work together, you receive the answer. You need to go to a reputable clinical psycologist who specialize in trauma and hypnosis. Sounds to me like the ones you've been going to dont know what they are talking about. You need support, not someine who makes you feel worse. Please don't give up, you are not alone and definitely not crazy.

I feel like my experience is very similar, the worst part for me is feeling like I'm regressing b...

Perfectly explained! As far as I understand it is your subconcious coming to the forefront, while your concious mind is also aware what is going on.