Im Done

[Punky143]

I'm done. No patience left, no real friends, my marriage sucks, my kid dislikes me, and overall I'm damaged so what's the point anymore???

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Punky143 It's hard to be in so much pain.

That is a list of temporary circumstances and inaccurate self judgements. I hope you find a way to reject the permanent solution that would traumatize your child, and invest in reaching out and getting help for pain you are in. You deserve relief and joy.:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[ladee]

Being 'done' can be a good thing... it can motivate us to do what we need to do to get out of the rut we are in... and being reminded, all the things you mentioned can change... you are in pain... and when I was where you are, I chose to 'pick my pain', the pain of things staying the same and staying miserable, or the pain of change.... at least change has a pay off...
Sometimes it's that hopelessness that has brought about my biggest victories... because when I could manage the small things, like picking up the phone and making an appt. with a T.... that was a victory... or like you posting here today, that is a victory !!! You reached out !! You are letting us know how bad you are hurting. And first of all that took courage, whether it feels like it or not.
You are giving us an opportunity to step up and give you a hand up !!! That is a beautiful gift you gave us this morning.
I'm pretty sure we've all been where you are, I was there a few weeks ago, it cycles... but you posted.... you took action... and we are here for you. Let us know how we can help... pick your pain... you are not alone. Gentle hugs for you, if you are just not in the mood for hugs, then put them on a shelf and take one down as you need it... they have 'forever' shelf life....

 

[carrieon]

You might think your marriage sucks and your kids don't like you, but I'm sure their lives would be poorer without you.
I'm sorry for the pain you are in.

 

[Punky143]

Being 'done' can be a good thing... it can motivate us to do what we need to do to get out of the rut we...

Thank you. I long for a hug but not just from anyone of course and when its right for me which sounds selfish too. I know it makes sense to everyone on here though. Its very difficult to reach out to anyone in the real world for so many reasons. I never know who I'm going to be and if I am one of my "alters" which as I type that I sense some irritability coming but I can change quickly into another so I'm sure I'm hard to keep up with. I don't even know what the hell is going on. I'm a ping pong ball forever in motion with a body that is physically worn down and tired. Rapid emotions fly in and out as disassociation occurs all while I try with every effort to maintain composure. I have a few people who want to help and have been following up asking how they can but I have no idea what to tell them other than what we're working on for my child who, and I know once I write this I will go away and unable to write any longer. She was sexually assaulted amongst other children at a place and I continue to look for counseling. I find it near impossible to do this piece for her when I myself am so far gone and it truly breaks my heart

 

[ladee]

@Punky143, thank you for sharing more in depth.It is twice as hard with 'alters' and now having to help your child. But we can do for our kids what we can not do for our selves sometimes...
It feels impossible. But you reached out. So we will help you with tiny baby steps. You have a lot more courage and strength than you give your self credit for.... but we see it.. and we will help you build on that.
You are not alone. Please let us know how things are going for you. We do care.