Sexual Assault Im Easy

[The Albatross]

I was groomed the believe the only value I had was my sex/body. I acted out til my late 20's. So I get it. But... it was not, "who" I was... it was a people pleasing, codependent with low to no self esteem or sense of self (independent and individual) worth.

 

[Emerald Green]

I have done things in my past that I deeply regret. Things that I've never told anyone. One night s...

I have done things in my past that I deeply regret. Things that I've never told anyone. One night s...

This post hit me like a ton of bricks. It describes me to a tee. I feel the same way about just giving them what they want. And if i didn't fight maybe it wasn't really assault/abuse, but I see now I was wrong. I was sexually abused as a child and my ex husbands best friend sexually assaulted me and then recently I was sexually assaulted by a guy I was on a first date with. The only difference with the most recent assault than the others is, I did try to fight him off and tell him no and to stop. It doesn'tmake you a bad person to do these things. I've always seen it as a defense mechanism or way of dealing with or really "not" dealing with my past. Trying to pretend it didn't happen or that I "really" did want to do those things. I am glad to know I'm not alone in doing these types of things and maybe it helps to know you're not alone in reacting this way either. I hope things get better for you and you find the strength in yourself to over come this.