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maria

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I'm new, but I'm also a long-time ptsd-er. I've been in psychotherapy for what seems like forever but didn't identify my problems as ptsd until a few years ago. Forgive my brevity, but sometime I get sad talking about my life.
 
I don't think I can be of much help. My traumatic events started in infancy.

I put this in the wrong place.
 
Hi Maria :hello:

Welcome to the Forum!

Here you'll find lots of useful and important information and people who can relate to you, your traumas and efforts at recovery.

Like you, I also experienced traumas starting in infancy.

For instance, I was inside my mom and came out feet first, probably because of what happened to her. Naturally, I don't/can't remember the event but who knows how that may have affected me.

My first consciously remembered trauma happened when I was only two and a half years old.

So you'll get to connect on here with great people who can really relate to your experiences and who are truly caring.

I hope you find being on here to be as healing an experience as I have.

Johnny
 
It seems that PTSD which begins in childhood is different in some ways from PTSD that is the result of adult trauma. For one thing, it took me years to even admit that I had been abused. And it seems that the amount of recovery possible is limited. I don't seem to even be capable of the ordinary things in relationships. My responses just seem to be off and people notice. Lately I've been thinking about how much more comfortable I am with myself when I limit contact with others.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

maria
 
Hi again Maria :hello:

I don't know if you're aware of it, but there is also a disorder called Complex-PTSD (aka Disorder of Extreme Stress).

C-PTSD better describes the pervasive negative impact of chronic repetitive trauma than does PTSD alone. You can read up on it here by doing a search or just looking at the entire section on C-PTSD. It will explain what happens to some people, not just children, exposed to chronic trauma. I recognized myself as soon as I read it last year.

C-PTSD is sometimes referred to Developmental Trauma but the lines can get blurry between experts. I think DT encompasses issues of chronic neglect and abandonment.

As for recovery, while it can take a lot of time and effort to recover, I found that I recovered from a lot of it. That said, although I am now a very social being, like you, I am more comfy with myself. I can easily experience anxiety with others, depending on the social situation, but this is all as a result of my negative self-talk and image. When it's positive, you'd never know I have C-PTSD.

But even when I feel anxiety and think i am coming across as anxious, it doesn't always show. Case in point, I was the MC at my niece's wedding this year. Everyone told me I did an excellent job and my cousin who does conferences said she would hire me in a minute. I couldn't believe what I was hearing because how I felt inside during the whole event was awful and very anxious. Go figure!

I hope this helps.

Johnny
 
I can relate in my twenties I had anxiety showing but that was all. When I started to recover 10 years later. Even my closest friends were shocked, I had any problem at all. I believe I invented a false self to survive and to protect and role model for my son. In 1990 i unthawed as I put it.
 
Yes, that is how I am too, I have to be very careful who I let close to me. My frustration is that PEOPLE THINK I can be totally cured and NORMAL again.
I feel that I have done very well for a PTSD sufferer and I know my limits and play within them.
NOW HOWEVER, 'some' think I CAN DO BETTER,,,grrrrr. ofcourse "they" are not PTSD sufferers.
 
Worse, I have taken flight to PROTECT my brain if you will. As we all know an EVENT can wreak havoc on our bodies etc. I am older now, have health issues and I am smart enough to know, my body cannot take the "fight take flight response" like when I was young.
I have been in PTSD mode since August 7th. I take flight to protect myself. If I cannot have the RIGHT treatment , NO one gets near me until I have my syptoms under control. It is self preservation. Besides if anything were to go wrong with me right now. My son would pay a price. I cannot have that.
 
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