lithium-mom
Bronze Member
Sorry if this ends up being another long post but I'm just worried I'm not trying hard enough to survive what I'm doing right now.
I don't know if I've looked into all my options. I've been trying to write out my memories of what's happened to me in the past but now that I'm away from most of it, I can't remember anything I just feel this distinct emptiness at various intervals that I can't seem to control. I can't even cry anymore. My dad was psychologically very... disturbing to be around. He used to do things like rate me (1-10) (I always got low scores ftr) or scream at me and tell me I was the biggest mistake in his life. But I've already written about that. I can't think of many examples because, well, blurry memory. So eight months ago I moved out on my own and I was doing fine because I made $700 a month. It was pretty okay, I played piano once a week and that's how I did that. I lost my place to stay in Alabama, so I moved to Florida because I want to go to school here and my boyfriend lives here.
I accepted employment but due to my inability to talk to people-- I couldn't keep the job. As in, I was fired after 2 weeks. Here are my resources I've accepted: I have EBT/SNAP, and I'm currently working on getting medicaid (I have a history of bipolar disorder). I have a boyfriend who is okay with me moving in with him-- but that poses another problem. I'm not fully recovered and I'm terrified of being a burden to him. He's already offering to pay for the $225 registration fee and giving me his old car so I can have transportation. But I feel extremely uncomfortable with that. I want to work out something where I feel like I'm contributing but I have nothing to really contribute.
Right now, I have 1k of debt on a credit card that continues to rack up fees (I made the mistake of banking with Wells Fargo) and I am in the negatives in my bank acct. I will have another direct deposit and then I will close that acct and open something at like, Navy Federal or something.
I accepted employment at a much better job called the Spectrum House, but transportation is shaky. I don't have a car right now. Anyway, my worst fear is just being a burden to everyone and not making it upwards and I don't know how to shake that fear off. I don't know how to contribute and I feel so self centered. I guess that's what the post is about because the money things, well no one can really help me solve them except those closest to me-- but maybe people have some tips on how to be a "contributer"?
I don't know if I've looked into all my options. I've been trying to write out my memories of what's happened to me in the past but now that I'm away from most of it, I can't remember anything I just feel this distinct emptiness at various intervals that I can't seem to control. I can't even cry anymore. My dad was psychologically very... disturbing to be around. He used to do things like rate me (1-10) (I always got low scores ftr) or scream at me and tell me I was the biggest mistake in his life. But I've already written about that. I can't think of many examples because, well, blurry memory. So eight months ago I moved out on my own and I was doing fine because I made $700 a month. It was pretty okay, I played piano once a week and that's how I did that. I lost my place to stay in Alabama, so I moved to Florida because I want to go to school here and my boyfriend lives here.
I accepted employment but due to my inability to talk to people-- I couldn't keep the job. As in, I was fired after 2 weeks. Here are my resources I've accepted: I have EBT/SNAP, and I'm currently working on getting medicaid (I have a history of bipolar disorder). I have a boyfriend who is okay with me moving in with him-- but that poses another problem. I'm not fully recovered and I'm terrified of being a burden to him. He's already offering to pay for the $225 registration fee and giving me his old car so I can have transportation. But I feel extremely uncomfortable with that. I want to work out something where I feel like I'm contributing but I have nothing to really contribute.
Right now, I have 1k of debt on a credit card that continues to rack up fees (I made the mistake of banking with Wells Fargo) and I am in the negatives in my bank acct. I will have another direct deposit and then I will close that acct and open something at like, Navy Federal or something.
I accepted employment at a much better job called the Spectrum House, but transportation is shaky. I don't have a car right now. Anyway, my worst fear is just being a burden to everyone and not making it upwards and I don't know how to shake that fear off. I don't know how to contribute and I feel so self centered. I guess that's what the post is about because the money things, well no one can really help me solve them except those closest to me-- but maybe people have some tips on how to be a "contributer"?
