I'm Petrified

[NotApplicable]

So about 3 weeks ago I met this "girl" who is a minor and apparently has many mental health issues and one of them is paranoia. She also claims that is is a lesbian. She first met me in the psychiatic clinic 6 months ago and nobody warned me how dangerous she is. She hits doctors and nurses and everyone who dislikes. She probably has BPD as well as she gets overly attached.

I managed to get out of the situation back then but 3 weeks ago i met her accidentally again. As naive as i am she manage to get my phone and dial her number and learn my phone number. Then my nightmare began. She says she is in love with me, she can't live without me, she will do anything to be with me, she could die for me. I tried to explain that im not interested, that im not a lesbian, that i dont want to do anything with her. She doesnt understand. It came to a point where i was so frustrated that i told her that Ilike someone and we are going somewhere and she better stop. The next day she texted me and she said that she knows who i like and that she knows where to find him and that he will kill him. If she cant have me, no one will. When I asked her who he is, he told me the last person i added on FB. The last person I added on FB was a nurse from the clinic that i so like and appreciate but have no feeling whatsoever for him.

I got so scared. Obviously she knew where to find him. She was dangerous. She punched and hit people before, nothing could stop her. And the worst part is that,the guy had no idea. It was Friday and I've tried to contact him through facebook but until Sunday I managed to tell him nothing. I think i only managed to scare him and to make him think i wanted more than our therapeutic relationship so he blocked me. My anxiety went to the pick. Meanwhile the texts and phone calls from her kept coming. I wasnt answering but that would't let her down. I was having 35 missed calls in 20 minutes.

I called the clinic first thing in the morning, no one took me seriously. Thankfully my therapist knew the guy and called him and explained the situation and warned him. I blocked her from my phone, I blocked her from FB. She managed to get through the clinic from the back doors and security kicked her out. She was texting me from different phones and different facebooks and now she wasnt loving me anymore she was like "if i ever find you and him i swear i will kill you". I contacted the police 3 times. They said they couldnt do anything. Only if she manages to touch me they could act.

It's been 2 weeks now, my doctor increased my anti anxiety meds i manage to go to sleep but you know the thoughts you have before you fall asleep, i have flashbacks and i usually feel like im drowning. i wake up around 3-4 in cold sweat and my heart feels like is ready to rip my chest i see the same nightmare every night. And the guy is always dead. I always want to get the phone and call the clinic to see if he is still alive. Ive done it a ton of times but now they told me that if i call again they will fill a complain.

im petrified of my own shadow. I dont want to leave the house. My only concern is her to find where I live or to go find him (if she hasnt already) I cant relax. My therapist says i show signs of PTSD but my doctor doesnt mention anything.

Anyone been in a similar situation before.
Anyone has/had the same nightmare over and over again for such long period of time
Do you know how do make it stop?

Thank you

 

[Samantha_38]

It sounds like you need to start with a protection order, you don't have to prove harm for one of those, just that you don't want them around you and they won't stop.

Then if she shows up violating it, or continues to contact you electronically, it is illegal and the police can do something. You don't have to wait for it to get to the point of physical contact.

Did you have PTSD before this? The problem your therapist is missing is that to actually have PTSD the symptoms your describing have to last for a longer period of time than a couple weeks, and you also need more symptoms than nightmares, fear, and anxiety. I would post them all for you, but the criteria is quite long. You can search for DSM criteria of PTSD and then compare if you'd like.

The way I read what you're saying it sounds more to me like you're fearful, and for good reason. If you have PTSD from a previous incident, then this incident is only going to exaggerate the symptoms you had before.

I'm glad it sounds like you're getting help, but I wouldn't jump to PTSD just from the information you gave. It sounds quite frightening however and I agree you need to get help. It doesn't sound like she's going to stop on her own. I would start with the protection order. I just did that process not long ago, and a lot of the paperwork can be found online, at least in the state I'm in. You will have to go into the court to have it approved though, but in my state there didn't have to be an actual court date unless the judge orders it. Thank goodness in my case that didn't happen. It can be slightly different state to state though, so I'd research it. I think you can just go into the police station and do this as well if you have problems finding any information online.

*Wanted to add* Forget there's many people outside of US on here. I have no idea how you go about any of this somewhere outside of the US, but I would think there would be something similar for you to try. I'm hoping for your sake anyways.

 

[NotApplicable]

Thanks for the response Samantha!!
Unfortunately living in Cyprus doesn't work this way. The police say she is a minor so without her parents consent they cant do anything and of course they are denying everything even the text messages and the missed calls and the emails. In fact they are stating that I am the one who's bothering their daughter.
As far as the protection order Ive talked with a lawyer. 1st they need a ton of money that i dont have. 2nd even if i got a restraining order here in CY even if she brakes the restraining orders we have to go to court before any action is taken. So even if i call the police the time i see her coming for example they wont do anything, they will just set a court date. which is so dumb

As for the PTSD, yes unfortunately i have PTSD symptoms from the yelling and the abusing i suffer as a child from my mom :/

 

[Samantha_38]

Wow, that's tough. I wish I had a better answer for you. When I was still in my abusive environment where the abusers were randomly showing up and stalking me, my therapist always said to just be extra alert. That doesn't really change much for someone with PTSD, obviously we're already hyper vigilant.

I would say stay public and stay safe. Hopefully she finds some other obsession and moves on. That's still not good for the new obsession, but I don't know what else. Maybe someone else will post a better idea.

My PTSD stems from growing up and childhood too. I can't even imagine how scared you must be. I get scared at nothing just because of the PTSD. I hope you find a solution. Stay as safe as you can.

 

[Chava]

Those threats should still be taken seriously, though I don't understand the legal system where you're at. Wouldn't the police or anyone contact her parents and some sort of social services? She obviously needs MORE help. Keep record of everything she has sent and said to you.

So sorry you are going through this, it sounds extremely stressful. I've worked with someone who I suspected was BPD and probably other stuff...extremely paranoid and I suspect also dissociative in serious ways because she seems to have no memory of her raging self, she talks like a little girl sometimes, and she has totally different interpretations of reality where others were present...she'll invent stories that simply don't exist (extremely manipulative and cruel)...she basically tried to get me fired because I wasn't her best friend but kind of gave her the cold shoulder because I knew I needed to keep distance from her. She also befriended a new worker and isolated her and turned her against everyone and the new person quit. Total wreckage, though not as scary as your situation. She just goes too far and makes lots of hell. She's been threatened with a restraining order from someone else, so she always goes to far and I just want to stay out of her way. Hopefully your obsessive girl turns her attention elsewhere and nobody gets hurt but it sounds like she needs more help. Keep talking to lawyers, law enforcement, bringing your documented stuff. Even not knowing your legal system, I know even it the U.S. people have to sadly make a big stink to get protective services involved for kids sometimes. Don't just notify them once. Notify them every time she threatens your life or anyone else's, whether they think they can do anything or not. Then it's still partly in their hands for not figuring out a way to help make the situation more safe...like getting the right authorities, medical or otherwise, involved...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I wouldn't assume that she just has BPD. I'd say its more on the level of sociopath or psychopath if she's going to these lengths. It is imperative that you shut down your phone and get a new number. I'd advise shutting down your facebook account as well (don't just deactivate, delete the entire account, as if you ever re-activate, she can find you again). Yes, these are both a pain, but if your life is in danger then these are necessary steps to take. While you're at it, make sure you have no public profiles on any other social media.

 

[Samantha_38]

I agree with @Solara . I don't know how easy it is to find addresses in your country either, but I know in the US you can "Google" just about anybody and have there address and typically a landline phone number within seconds for free. If you pay a small fee you can find out a lot more. It may be good to check the internet and make sure you are unlisted. If you find yourself there's typically ways to contact those sites and get your information off of them. If you don't want to turn off your facebook, the privacy settings do allow for you to make it unsearchable and very private, to where people wouldn't even see your profile picture. I had to do all of these things in my situation too, and since new sites are constantly popping up, I've had to keep rechecking.

 

[Anarchy]

Don't forget to make your amazon profile and wish list private too. The address can often be too detailed for comfort.

From the description of the young woman's ability to grab contact details - this doesn't read like it is the first time she's done this, so she'll hopefully move on fairly quickly.

The description of the young woman doesn't come accross as psychopathic. Unless they're intoxicated, they come accross as amazingly calm, sane and normal, nothing seems to really bother them or get them worked up.

I agree with Chava that it is more in the general area of an extreme borderline or histrionic, they're not pleasant to be around - or to be. It's sort of understandable if the people at the clinic don't want to see her more than they absolutely have to.

As for the response of the cops; Shirking jobs that can't be turned into ego trips, and victim blaming seem to be international standards, is there a local Cypriot equivalent for loitering in donut shops?

 

[Friday]

Agree with @Anarchy & @Solara ... Regardless of her diagnosis... Be boring. The more these types of people get a rise out of you and can get a reaction, the more interesting you are.

Ideally print off and save all the texts and phone calls (although your bill should have record), and don't respond. Surgically excise from your life. Blocked from every angle possible.

 

[Chava]

Agree with getting new phone numbers and disappearing from the internet at least for a good while. I like the tip to be boring, too. My therapist and I were talking about this paranoid girl who willing to invent ways to get me fired. My plan is keeping my boundaries, not engaging with her much at all (negatively or positively), and that will all drive her further nuts. She needs to control relationships. She needs to be best friends or have enough access to sabbatoge you. So I have firm boundaries and she is getting a little coo coo around them, always trying to read me. But that's her shitstorm, not mine. I just focus on my job.

 

[Anarchy]

@Chava , do you have a separate thread discussing this?

Given the ability of malignant individuals like the co-worker who you're afflicted with, to project their inner turmoil and pain outwards onto everyone who comes into contact with them, and then to play the poor little hurt victim...

any info on coping strategies which we can share amongst ourselves would be very helpful.

PS
does your phone have a dictaphone or a sound record mode? the two borderlines whom I've known well, also had very different recollections of conflicts to the recollections of everyone else who was present, and both would confabulate (they probably believed their confabulations to be true).

having a recording might make all of the difference, if there are no other witnesses.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow, I am so sorry the police are not doing more to protect you from someone who has sent you death threats.

Do you know how to save texts and FB messages? I would save them all and keep showing the therapist and doctor. They at least are taking action to warn people, and hopefully they will do whatever they can to protect you too. I'm so sorry your country doesn't have stronger anti-stalking laws. What she is doing is felony menacing in the US - ie a big crime. I'm glad the people at the clinic know because hopefully they can get her help too.