W
Wonanad
Hello fellow members,
I've been dealing with some horrible stress for months now. I haven't been able to figure out what to do about it or where to go from here. Im scared I'll be implicated for something and constantly go over everything in my mind to see what happened and if I deserved it.
Ok, here's some backstory. I came from a home that is beyond broken. When I met my husband his family was starting to go through a divorce that I could see was affecting his youngest brother who was around the same age I was when my parents broke apart. I felt sympathy for him. He was 9 when I met him and their divorce happened when he was 11 I think. During that time my husband moved up to live with me and we got married and had a kid. The youngest brother always talked with me about everything. I always viewed him as innocent and I wanted to help him but always told him he should be talking With his oldest brother (my husband) as well.
Fast forward to current times. The brother in law is now a teenager. He's been fine up until one point where he started asking me odd questions.. Sexual kinds but they were broad and general like girls in general... Later on they got more specific and started relating to me.. I told him it wasn't right and I care but that he needs to discuss it with other family members like my husband. He would come to our house during the summer and winter breaks & he admitted he went through my drawers and found some of my toys... He was asking me all sorts of questions and I kept diverting them and eventually we didn't talk for a long time because I told him it wasn't right and I was uncomfortable and it wasn't fair to his brother. After we started talking again some months later he admitted again to touching my butt while I was sleeping and rubbing himself on me. I got really mad and told him that was wrong and I told my husband about it and he got upset. I told his brother that it was out of line and that's called molestation and that it's wrong because I had no say. He apologized and said it was because of his hormones.
Now I'm all confused because after that happened last year I figured he got the hint. He no longer was talking weird to me. We barely talked in general. Then he started talking more again the closer it got to summer this year. Except he was talking about this girl he liked and asking if he should wait till she's drunk to do something and I said have you not learned anything? That's wrong what is wrong with you? He started directing questions towards me again and I kept diverting again. I've taken up smoking pot because I've had terrible lower back pain ever since having my son 3 years ago and I'm surprised the benefits of pot. However I smoke it rarely and only when my back is acting up and only ever at night. Anywho, the brother in law stayed at our house again and I felt this uneasy feeling in my stomach so I wasn't nice to him like I normally was. I smoked 2 nights because of my back.. Regardless I shouldn't have to worry but I was worried. Anyways pot makes me pass out because I do so much in a day (chores, college, taking care of my kiddo, etc) so I didn't expect to pass out so quickly.. I was doing my normal routine and on one of the nights I woke up and realized my bra was undone and the brother in law was laying next to me pressed up against me groping me... I was frozen in this fog-like state... I wanted to jump up and scream at him but I kept going in and out of sleep. So I'm not even 100% sure if it's real but my gut tells me it is. The second night I fell asleep again but in a different spot and I felt something weird in my hand. Again I'm not sure what happened 100% but ever since I've been aggressive & pissed off towards the brother in law and we don't talk at all so I can't even confront him on it & I feel like I betrayed my husband somehow. Im so confused and freaked out because I don't want to get in trouble. Like i mentioned I keep going over every interaction in my head and everything to see if I brought this on somehow... I never once allowed him to get an idea of me wanting anything from him. I always talked about my husband and my love for him.
What do I do? The stress of this is killing me. My heart randomly races and sends me into a panic attack multiple times a day and this happened in the summer so I've had a couple months of this nonstop now.
Please don't judge me. I've never dealt with anything like this before in my life. & I'm so confused and hurt and sick to my stomach.
I've been dealing with some horrible stress for months now. I haven't been able to figure out what to do about it or where to go from here. Im scared I'll be implicated for something and constantly go over everything in my mind to see what happened and if I deserved it.
Ok, here's some backstory. I came from a home that is beyond broken. When I met my husband his family was starting to go through a divorce that I could see was affecting his youngest brother who was around the same age I was when my parents broke apart. I felt sympathy for him. He was 9 when I met him and their divorce happened when he was 11 I think. During that time my husband moved up to live with me and we got married and had a kid. The youngest brother always talked with me about everything. I always viewed him as innocent and I wanted to help him but always told him he should be talking With his oldest brother (my husband) as well.
Fast forward to current times. The brother in law is now a teenager. He's been fine up until one point where he started asking me odd questions.. Sexual kinds but they were broad and general like girls in general... Later on they got more specific and started relating to me.. I told him it wasn't right and I care but that he needs to discuss it with other family members like my husband. He would come to our house during the summer and winter breaks & he admitted he went through my drawers and found some of my toys... He was asking me all sorts of questions and I kept diverting them and eventually we didn't talk for a long time because I told him it wasn't right and I was uncomfortable and it wasn't fair to his brother. After we started talking again some months later he admitted again to touching my butt while I was sleeping and rubbing himself on me. I got really mad and told him that was wrong and I told my husband about it and he got upset. I told his brother that it was out of line and that's called molestation and that it's wrong because I had no say. He apologized and said it was because of his hormones.
Now I'm all confused because after that happened last year I figured he got the hint. He no longer was talking weird to me. We barely talked in general. Then he started talking more again the closer it got to summer this year. Except he was talking about this girl he liked and asking if he should wait till she's drunk to do something and I said have you not learned anything? That's wrong what is wrong with you? He started directing questions towards me again and I kept diverting again. I've taken up smoking pot because I've had terrible lower back pain ever since having my son 3 years ago and I'm surprised the benefits of pot. However I smoke it rarely and only when my back is acting up and only ever at night. Anywho, the brother in law stayed at our house again and I felt this uneasy feeling in my stomach so I wasn't nice to him like I normally was. I smoked 2 nights because of my back.. Regardless I shouldn't have to worry but I was worried. Anyways pot makes me pass out because I do so much in a day (chores, college, taking care of my kiddo, etc) so I didn't expect to pass out so quickly.. I was doing my normal routine and on one of the nights I woke up and realized my bra was undone and the brother in law was laying next to me pressed up against me groping me... I was frozen in this fog-like state... I wanted to jump up and scream at him but I kept going in and out of sleep. So I'm not even 100% sure if it's real but my gut tells me it is. The second night I fell asleep again but in a different spot and I felt something weird in my hand. Again I'm not sure what happened 100% but ever since I've been aggressive & pissed off towards the brother in law and we don't talk at all so I can't even confront him on it & I feel like I betrayed my husband somehow. Im so confused and freaked out because I don't want to get in trouble. Like i mentioned I keep going over every interaction in my head and everything to see if I brought this on somehow... I never once allowed him to get an idea of me wanting anything from him. I always talked about my husband and my love for him.
What do I do? The stress of this is killing me. My heart randomly races and sends me into a panic attack multiple times a day and this happened in the summer so I've had a couple months of this nonstop now.
Please don't judge me. I've never dealt with anything like this before in my life. & I'm so confused and hurt and sick to my stomach.
