I'm So Paralyzed

[whserenitynluv]

I remember a few months ago, I could smile.
I would sing and dance
Today my heart sees the world as everyone is great, lots of friends who love them.
This is my favorite time of year.
And I haven't had a human hug for months
I miss that,
I don't want to sing and dance anymore, and that was the rhythm of my soul.
Giving up is not an option because I have children, and maybe I'm karmic ally destined for this and deserve this.
I miss feeling wanted,and desired, even though I don't miss the abuse.. Although I didn't cry as much then as I do now.
Not one person in this world even knows or wonders about me to call or anything and that's a painful feeling...
I am writing because I have to not because I really want too today. I have been basically reading online and seeing all the wonderful friends who love each other and enjoy their company and wonder again what I did. I am happy for them though.
Me I'm sinking

 

[Hydrotroop91]

We care about you here. Trust me hitting my low tonight was triggered and worked up. My friend didn't have time to really talk to me too much. If you were closer I'd give you a hug. I miss them too.

 

[whserenitynluv]

@Hydrotroop91 thank you :hug: after this post deciding to leave and clear my head did me some good. It gave some opportunity to talk to a few people and see the world in a different light. Looking forward to Monday when I can explain further my symptoms. Showing her these things will help. Re reading some of what what said and referencing the time frame it is becoming apparent more and more that this is related to a couple of major life changes, moving and ending a long, abusive friendship. which is difficult. Hugs back to you

 

[SharkyorBones]

I'm proud of you, I dont know you but I feel proud of you. Youve gained an understanding and great insight into why youve felt the way you have and that is fantastic! Such a huge and important step and as im sure you know things tend to get a lot easier from this point, we both know we'll have moments when we feel like this but overall it will get easier. And when times get hard you can always post on here and know that there will always be support that you need and advice from people who have been where you've been and know what that feels like. Chin up :hug:

 

[whserenitynluv]

@SharkyorBones thank you! I am still new, and this is an up the exhausting emotional ride, one of many to come for sure. Before coming here, these words wouldn't come out of my mouth, and in a sense I guess I'm typing, but still they are coming out none the same. :hug: