I'm Sure The Funk Of Jealousy Is Finally Wearing Off

[sonicwhite]

Ok, my ex no longer packs the punch my thoughts would make of her. The reality of what she did and never told me kinda collapsed any feelings for her. I don't hate her. Love thy neighbor as thyself.


She is a Christian. Moving in remarkable ways. I can't explain why I feel the jealousy is eroding but it is. And my eyes have been open to why she kept secrets.


All I'm saying is I'm glad God opened my eyes so that I could finally heal. I'm so thankful for these feelings to start going away. It feels really nice.

 

[hodge]

Yaay for you, @sonicwhite! If someone gives you reason to be jealous they are not worth being with.

 

[sonicwhite]

I can't explain it. Like if she would of told me in 05 I would of broken up with her instead of the other way around leaving me in confusion as to why she broke up with me and that it was all my fault. Sorry to say this but what she did you don't do to a person and I mean it's lifelong seriousness. It's something that cannot be fixed as in it involves sex.


So I hope she doesn't read any of these posts. I don't want revenge or anything like that. It takes two to tango. I'm just saying if she would of told me before we got together instead of letting her ego get the best of her we could of worked it out but no.


The important thing is she stays safe. I choose to be alone for the rest of my life because I'm not going to hurt somebody nor do I think I'll be able to get anyone I'm attracted to. So all in all I accept the things I cannot change.

 

[hodge]

Yes, breakups are so very difficult, especially after sex is involved. And, yes, you can't change anyone. It's better you found out now rather than later.

But you are a pup. (I'm 53, so I can say that, lol.) Give yourself plenty of time to heal and build your own life and, who knows, maybe someday, the right one will come along and you'll be ready. That's usually how it happens :-). Hang in there. This awful feeling doesn't last too awful long. :hug: if that's okay.

 

[sonicwhite]

There comes a time for mourning, than a time for joy and happiness. It's like the yoke of that burden is finally breaking after eleven years of wondering what the heck went wrong. I live now today to say that because I really honestly want to be alone. I don't want to hurt anyone.


And when you have a mate and children it's a hard burden to carry cause in this fleeting life anything can happen to them or you. Paul tells Timothy to run from youthful lusts.


For this reason Paul said how do you know if you can save someone if you're in a lukewarm relationship.


I let these words ring true in my heart. Becuase I'm 31 and half gray headed. I'm a worry wart and I suffer badly from fearing ppl are going to die on me and when the one I know die on me I always blame myself for it which I know is a delusion but it's apart of the loving heart God Almighty gave me.


So to all who read this. Be like Paul or me. Happy and single. Lol

 

[sonicwhite]

I know we all suffer here. I suffered at the wrath of a woman. The mercy of God. And the discipline of Jesus Christ. 11 years is a long time thinking about what happened. Letting my mind heal from the traumatic psychosis and breakup.


I imagine that my dreams are deposits of the truama is broke up fragments. Plus the whole two years I was doing every drug under the sun. Man, why do I ruminate as to why all this happened. It's like geezuz let me be free. But I'm becoming free from the freedom that the Lord opened my eyes to the answers I was looking for.



This election is crazy. Hopefully we survive who ever gets in. I'm not going to get into politics. Thank you all my friends for always steering me right. Saying don't do drugs and keeping the Lords chains on me.



I went to go visit the guy who smoke meth and I got the sick gut feeling like someone took a dump in my soul. I said never again. I will pray for you but your are bad company. As toxic as they come.