I'm "too Hard"

[anthony]

I know how completely irrational that is.

Not irrational at all, because that is what's been engrained into your subconscious.

So what do you believe now? Do you believe that your sexual organs belong to the person you're having sex with and this cannot change?

 

[Sideways]

Yes. And despite myself, I get angry when people tell me otherwise. God that's awful.

 

[anthony]

Did they always belong to another according to you?

 

[Sideways]

I've had to apply my own reasoning there, because my abuser never dealt with it in the past tense. But since my dad was already abusing me when I was 4, my belief is that it's been this way since I was born.

 

[Sideways]

Actually that's not true. His line was that God had "created me special like Eve". Eve, according to him, was also a Whore of God, and I was created special like her.

 

[Sandstone]

my abuser gave me regular, structures lessons where he taught me that I'm a "Whore of God" and that my purpose in life is to make myself sexually available to men.
I know how completely irrational that is. But I believe it like I believe the sun rises in the east. "

Can you pass that role on then? I'll take it off you. You have done your share, pass me the burden for a while.

 

[Sideways]

Please don't make me cry @Sandstone - my doc's due soon!
That was one of the most beautiful things anyone's ever offered me. But no, not for a second would I let anyone else live like this:)

 

[anthony]

I'm sorry you've had to endure a life like this rag doll. Have you been in any good relationships?

 

[Sideways]

Not yet...But this is an illness that people recover from, right? There's tonnes of people on this site recovering from the same illness I have. It's just an illness, and I can recover. It's all sorts of shite, but I'm still alive. And where there's life, there's hope.

 

[Sandstone]

The offer stands.
If you come from a Christian background you know it's a key idea of true faith. "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ" Gal 6:3

If you have to hold to the things you were taught in the past, then you have to hold to the whole framework.

 

[anthony]

Ok, confused a little... can you help me out? I said: "Do you believe that your sexual organs belong to the person you're having sex with and this cannot change?"

Your response: "I've had to apply my own reasoning there, because my abuser never dealt with it in the past tense. But since my dad was already abusing me when I was 4, my belief is that it's been this way since I was born. Actually that's not true. His line was that God had "created me special like Eve". Eve, according to him, was also a Whore of God, and I was created special like her."

So your dad had told you repeatedly, assumed, that God created you special like Eve, who was a whore of God, paraphrasing here, thus you are your fathers whore to do as he pleases.

Is my interpretation close?

But I don't understand the beginning, where you had to apply your own reasoning because your abuser never dealt with it in the past tense. What does that mean? Is this your father or another relationship abuser referenced?

 

[Sideways]

Sorry, that was confusing. My dad sexually abused me when I was a little kid. But my 'abuser' is a reference to the man when I was 12. He was the one that did the real damage and taught me all the stuff about God and my special purpose in life.