Relationship I'm Trying To See His Point Of View

[Deleted member 28360]

I know to some it might be silly. In January, we had a slight argument that escalated quickly and it turn dark really fast, to the point that he was suicidal. In the process, while he was contemplating Suicide, he deleted all of our pics. He was getting treatment for it, but for some reason decided to stop it. I'm encouraging him to go back to see his T, go to church, stay healthy. It has taken a toll on me. From ER visits, to dark days, to his depression, him going off his pain meds, combat ptsd, nightmares, survivors guilt, it's taken a toll on me. I work 9 hrs a day, and at the end im exhausted. This is turning into a rant, but I have no one to talk to about his combat ptsd. We have good communication skills, and a somewhat healthy relationship. Btw, this is not a new relationship. We have been in each other's lives for years.
My point was that I confronted him about deleting our pics, not having any pics of us on social media. He said that we are a reality, Facebook is not a reality. Everyone knows we are together, but I guess social media has become so prevalent I was just curious. It's very trivial, didn't think me asking would cause another argument. He said We will work on it slowly. I honestly didn't think it would be a huge deal such a trivial thing.
When things are in a good place it is wonderful, but when stuff hits fan, it turns dark quick.

On another note, he wants to stop is pain meds tramadol bc he saids he doesn't want to be addictive to it. He has chronic back pain( from explosion )and the VA doesn't seem to reach a diagnosis or find better treatment. Anyone here has had a successful pain med story?

Anything helps.
Wow feels so good to write.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If he is med sensitive, pain meds can actually cause PTSD symptoms to spike as they are depressants of sorts. I have to be VERY careful with anything that can depress my system in any way, including pain meds. I think it would be good to support him getting off the pain meds if that is what he wants. Yes, it can be done, and I advise doing it under doctors supervision.

Your post isn't silly at all. You are struggling and reaching out.

I think that it may be a good idea to let the social media thing slide for now. I think that social media does more harm than good. Why do your personal photos need to be on display? You know he cares and he knows you care. Damned what anyone else thinks, its none of their business. I've read a number of articles where couples state that neither one of them is on social media because it tends to just cause issues. I am off of Facebook and won't be going back. If I am with someone, they will either have a low social media profile or no profile at all. A guy I dated over the summer was so hooked on it that it inadvertently caused problems for me (MAJOR problems) and he refused to curtail his behavior. Suffice to say, he was dumbfounded when I used it as one of the reasons for dumping him. So you won't be breaking up with your guy, but my point is that is social media really adding to your life if you feel obligated to keep pictures of yourself on display for everyone else's benefit?

 

[Deleted member 28360]

@Solara thank you for your insight. I was honestly just curious. I didn't come off in a threating way, it was a question. Now I have this pit in my stomach because of the pain I've caused him. He said he wants to work through this and has been very short with me today. That he feels like he just doesn't care anymore which pains me. What do you suggest I do? Give him space? Let him contact me.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

We were on a really good note. Hardly ever fight, argue here and there nothing unusual. My heart hurts. I know his ptsd is flaming at this time. He's confided in me. I was going to let it slide but we share everything and we communicate. He thinks I'm point the finger at him hiding something.

 

[Sighs]

Meds are a difficult issue. I'm not an expert but my understanding is that Tramadol is a synthetic opioid drug and is preferred as it is less addictive than natural opiods. Perhaps its not so much a fear of becoming addicted, but that he doesn't like the way he feels on the drug? I agree with @Solara - coming off pain meds needs to be done under medical supervision - best case scenario under the care of a specialised pain management clinic.

I understand you feel that he is not acknowledging you and your relationship on social media. But perhaps he just wishes to keep your relationship private? My vet refuses to have any kind of social media profile at all. I did when we met, but no longer do because he is a very private person and since we live together any sharing of my life inadvertently shares his.

I know exactly where you are coming from in relation to not having anyone to talk to about his combat PTSD. Recently posted a thread about losing a friend over it. Feel free to PM me if you would like to vent.

Hugs if you accept them!

 

[Sweetpea76]

On another note, he wants to stop is pain meds tramadol bc he saids he doesn't want to be addictive to it. He has chronic back pain( from explosion )and the VA doesn't seem to reach a diagnosis or find better treatment. Anyone here has had a successful pain med story?

The VA likes to fling meds at the vets and not do too much else. Of course, with certain injuries, I don't think there is really too much they can do.

Your vet's situation sounds similar to mine. My vet has a spinal injury and nerve damage, so he has the constant pain management issue as well. He says he has to find a balance so he can function. Originally the VA had him on OxyContin. He said he felt like a drooling idiot on it and would rather be in more pain but be able to function. He went through the pain clinic and moved down to Morphine and has been on it for years. He would like to step down more, because when the VA messes up his meds, like they inevitably do, and he misses more than a few days of it, he gets ill (which exacerbates the "I'm a junky" feeling that he hates too). He will always be in pain, he just wants to have a quality of life. It may take him a while to find a med to manage his pain. My vet was injured in 2006 and is still messing with his med cocktail.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

@Sighs thanks so much! Im sorry about your friend, but I def can relate. I only have one friend that I can spill my worries, but even then i sometimes can sense tension and it makes things weird because they don't get it. I do feel lonely at times. I will definitely keep that in mind. :-)
He did mention something regarding privacy and our world. I know I ease his pain and rage and he finds me "safe". So now, that I am more calm and rational I can see where he is coming from. He only uses it to keep in touch with his marine buds and family across the country. I reactivated because he wanted me too.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

@Sweetpea76 exactly!!! I've been in the VA with him were one doc is saying this and the other is saying that. It frustrates him because its not a concrete diagnosis. Right now the VA missed his prescription refill and he's in pain, zombie like, having withdrawals, and minor brain zaps which scares me and him. Weve done research and brain zaps is a side effect apparently.
I'm looking into maybe acupuncture? It just pains me to see him in pain.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The brain zaps are definitely a withdrawal thing. My vet was able to get some acupuncture from the VA and loved it. He could only get a small number of appointments though, so he is trying to find a place to get it outside the VA. I also talked him into getting some massage, and he finds it helpful too. There is also a thread about aromatherapy here, and some essential oils in a hot bath help him out in a pinch when he feels like crap. He finds bergamot soothing. He was skeptical at first, but he said he'd try standing on his head if it helped. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/aromatherapy-that-may-help-relieve-some-ptsd-symptoms.13571/

 

[Deleted member 28360]

@Sweetpea76 thank you for the link! Will check it out! It's so nice to talk to someone who gets it. Refreshing really. Him being cranky and mean from his pain really affects me. What do you do to help? I'm getting a gym membership to focus on me and destress. Thanks for all your advice.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Pain is stress, and stress is not PTSD's friend. I definitely do think the days that his pain levels are high are some of the worst PTSD days. We spend a lot of time researching natural pain relief techniques, and like I said before, I'm lucky he is willing to try anything to help manage his pain. I have a certification in massage that I got when I got my cosmetology license back in the day, and right now, I'm looking into different techniques that I can do at home to help him out in between appointments with the massage therapist.

As far as managing my stress, I do the gym too... It really helps my mood and anxiety. It also had the added side effect of helping me lose a lot of weight that needed to come off.

 

[holdenmonty]

I can't really speak for your sufferer but from my point of view as a sufferer even though we are all different in some ways but the same in other but anyway. For me very heated arguments/fights are a very difficult thing especially with combat ptsd. It causes my brain to switch into full defend myself mode and it's like I loose all control of myself and my thoughts and really tough to control my actions. I haven't had a very heated argument/fight with my spouse but have with my brother in law when we both were rather intoxicated and he was calling me out on my symptoms and it ended with him getting in my face and me pushing him away to put some distance between me and him so I didn't physically attack him and I went for an hour walk.

But anyway I'm glad you have found this forum it is a good safe place to come and just talk about what's going on. You need to be able to release what you are feeling and the other supporters can let you know that you aren't alone and can also provide some insight into different things that you might be going through. Also some sufferers like myself put our two cents in sometimes. Usually I try to keep from putting in my two cents unless it seems like it is requested/could be helpful.