Supporter In Love With A Sufferer.

[william21]

Hi everyone thank you for having me. I've never been on one of these sites before, but I'm desperate and need to talk to someone who has been in similar circumstances.

Okay, so met the love of my life in march this year, we are both 21 and truly love each other dearly. When we first started seeing each other I noticed very large self harm scars on her forearms and had heard from people she had a few problems. I didn't push for answers or let it affect how I felt about her, all I saw was a smart, intelligent and beautiful young woman.

As we started getting closer she opened up to me more and I learned she was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Which caused her to be sectioned a fair few times in her teens/late teens, but again I didn't care I just wanted to love her and make her happy. Some of her symptoms (that are now gone) were delusions, overdosing daily, self mutilation etc. But some remain and are getting worse / more frequant, such as small cuts self inflicted, erratic depression (which turns into verbally and sometimes physically attacking me), threatening to end her life if I leave her and asking me to help her end her life etc.

We have recently moved abroad and are staying with her dad but she can't forgive him for not being there when she needed him. I love her so much but its all taking a toll and genuinely making me want to leave her. What can I do? What should I do?

Thank you for your time x

 

[william21]

Sorry for the breifness. I'm on my mobile as we have frequent power outs here!

 

[CrazyHorse]

Hi William, welcome :-) First of all, I am glad that you decided to reach out. There are a lot of people in this section that can relate to what you are going through, and I am sure someone will have some solid advice for you!

I am a sufferer myself, so I thought it might help you to get some advice from this perspective also. You can not make someone change their behaviour, but by altering your own behaviour, it can 'rub off' on the other part, if that makes sense to you? :-)

For me and my relationship, it all comes down to boundaries. By that I mean, my partner is a very assertive person. There is no doubt in my mind as to what kind of behaviour he will accept or not accept from me, regardless of PTSD.

It has not made my symptoms disappear, but I have learned to manage the' relationshipkiller ones' in order for us to keep a healthy relationship where we respect each others boundaries. I must admit, it has taken some time (two years) and alot of hard work for both of us to get to the point we are today.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[kahlan]

The supporter section is full of great people in similar circumstances its worth checking out. And welcome :)

Abusive behavior isn't acceptable disorder or not. Definitely set up boundaries regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior.

Best of luck :)

 

[nursenurse]

You are way too young to find yourself holed up with someone who threatens to kill themselves because you want to leave. That is emotional blackmail, and it isn't a sign of a good and healthy relationship. She needs major work and therapy right now, and I suspect you do not have your license. She has to want to make herself better and not use you as a scapegoat. Move on, or at least distance yourself until she gets the help she needs.

Some PTSD folks need to hit rock bottom before they can climb out of the hole. What she is doing to you by threatening suicide is downright manipulative and cruel. You cannot control what she does by your actions, there will only be more manipulations, and more resentment. What you are feeling is normal for what you are going through, and you are not weak or a bad person for wanting out.

 

[intothelight]

Hi William,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

You have received some great advice from other members, and I would recommend spending some time reading the information and posts in the Supporter's section. Is your girl friend currently in therapy? It is important that she gets to a point where she is mentally healthy in order to have a healthy relationship.

What can I do? What should I do?

The things that you can do are learn as much about this disorder as you can, set boundaries so that you are emotionally safe, and get support for yourself. What you should do is entirely up to you. Remember to put yourself first and do what is best for you in the long run.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[arfie]

Hi William. We are fellow newbies. I set up my account Saturday night.

When I turned 21, there was no PTSD diagnosis. I was in the US Army in therapy with Viet Nam trained Army shrinks and newly diagnosed with "Trauma Induced Amnesia." Those same shrinks could not convince me the amnesia was a problem. I was stationed in West Germany and having a pretty good time just acting out across Europe. Sure am grateful Interpol wasn't fully computerized in the 70s. At that point I didn't think marriage was even an option for me. I had no childhood memories of my own, but current knowledge of my clan (10 siblings) made me certain virginal purity was not part of my birthright.

Fast forward four decades to today and you find an empty-nest housewife who suspects her husband of 33 years suffers PTSD from living with her PTSD. He would disagree, of course. His preferred diagnosis is, "Chronic Perfection Disorder." He loves me in spite of his perfections. His support in my healing journey is priceless.

I look forward to getting to know you on the board, William.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi William, welcome to the forum and congratulations on being here. It sounds like you could greatly benefit from the support offered here for YOUR sake alongside learning how to support your companion.

I'm so sorry to hear of the behavior your are dealing with. It's difficult to say much else except that *anyone* in any relationship deserves care and respect. Good luck and thanks for joining us.