Seasounds
Diamond Member
My trusted Uncle, who has been a mentor to me in many ways, over the years has been showing signs of aging and perhaps beginning stages of dementia, slowly but surely over the years; more black and white thinking,declining social skills, and needing to be right rather than enjoying conversations-to the point of being argumentative.During the last 6 months I have seen him loose his temper with another person, which was very unlike the man he was 10 years ago-wedded to non-violent communication, accountability, and graciousness.
Two evenings ago, for the first time, he unleashed his blaming, ungracious, hostile communications toward me. Big tiigger of abusive parent's pattern, ouch, pain, loss, and hello to depression, and to the beginning of grieving the loss of a long time safe person to be around. I feel very sad, and deciding how to go about continuing the relationship or not. Surely, seeing the changes in my uncle, prior to the past few days, I have limited my time and depth of conversations with him, due to his increasing limits. With his new unbridled anger, that came when I attempted to problem solve with him (what we could do so easily before), I have learned that he is not able to do that any more.
As I have been processing the trigger of being attacked, I have had a memory of a friend who had a mother of dementia, of whom she was the primary caregiver. At some point, my friend had to get 'guardianship' of her mother, which meant waiting in line, with other parents and their caregiver-children, until their turn came, to speak to the judge. My friend, who was her mother's favorite child. was so shocked and hurt when her mother blurted out the worst adjectives for women, in the English language. So, I know that I am not alone, and I know that I have been spared the foul language.
How have others dealt with decreased functioning/loss of emotional regulation skills, in their aging relatives? Did you experience being triggered or depression?
Two evenings ago, for the first time, he unleashed his blaming, ungracious, hostile communications toward me. Big tiigger of abusive parent's pattern, ouch, pain, loss, and hello to depression, and to the beginning of grieving the loss of a long time safe person to be around. I feel very sad, and deciding how to go about continuing the relationship or not. Surely, seeing the changes in my uncle, prior to the past few days, I have limited my time and depth of conversations with him, due to his increasing limits. With his new unbridled anger, that came when I attempted to problem solve with him (what we could do so easily before), I have learned that he is not able to do that any more.
As I have been processing the trigger of being attacked, I have had a memory of a friend who had a mother of dementia, of whom she was the primary caregiver. At some point, my friend had to get 'guardianship' of her mother, which meant waiting in line, with other parents and their caregiver-children, until their turn came, to speak to the judge. My friend, who was her mother's favorite child. was so shocked and hurt when her mother blurted out the worst adjectives for women, in the English language. So, I know that I am not alone, and I know that I have been spared the foul language.
How have others dealt with decreased functioning/loss of emotional regulation skills, in their aging relatives? Did you experience being triggered or depression?
