Relationship Incredibly Confused

[Elizabeth1977]

Hi I'm new to this forum and in desperate need of someone to put thngs in perspectie for me. I'v been with my fiancé for two years now. He has combat related PTSD and TBI. Never in my life have I been in a roller coaster relationship like this. I believe he's a good person with a great heart but his PTSD is going to be the death of my sanity! He hid his outburst from me for a year so I've only been exposed to this for a year. Im already a very anxious person by nature but I'm suppose to be 100% calm around him at all times, in order to avoid his triggers. The tiniest little thing can set him off and then its hell to pay for me. I am not a crier but since we've been together I cry every time we fight because he says the most hurtful things. He's pushed me down in fights and put bruises on me.

This morning he got mad because he said I denied him sex, its not like he's denied everyday we just had sex yesterday morning. We just ran out of time. So on the way to work he attempting to jump out of my moving jeep on the interstate, threw my jeep in second gear going 70MPH twice like a child, tried to break my door, hit my dash and pressed on the gas pedal with his hand after I got out to get my phone after he threw it out the door into the ditch and poured redbull all over me. I feel like all this is abuse but after he did it he said that I caused all of it because I triggered him this morning. I feel lke if he knows he' s being triggered then he can figure out how to avoid that kind of reaction. I need some insight and advice please!!!! I'm desperate!!!

 

[kahlan]

It doesn't sound safe for you. Honestly it really sounds like he needs a LOT. of help and until he does its not going to get better. Take care of yourself. You don't deserve to be abused and his ptsd isn't an excuse for that behavior. Repeating ptsd or any disorder is NO EXCUSE for that.

He needs help and i think maybe it would be good for you too to help with your anxiety and with sorting through the emotions from this. I love my N. with everything I have but even one of those above mentioned assaults I would be gone and he knows that. Good luck hon and be SAFE.

 

[KyGirl31]

That's complete BS how he acted! Your not his door mat. Ditch him!

 

[felicia]

WHOA...that's out of control. I would re-evaluate that relationship before you say "I do".

 

[Orson]

Well... that is a relationship stopper until things become safe. One of the first principles a PTSD sufferer must obey is protecting those around them. PTSD can be a crutch for some folks and it seems to excuse them from normal behavior. I know many PTSD soldiers who went through some nasty situations who hold themselves very accountable for how they act -especially to their wives or girlfriends. IT CAN BE CONTROLLED!

 

[Flyaway]

Leave him! Having PTSD doesn't make that kind of behaviour ok!!! You need to make sure you are safe at all costs. Maybe even cut off all contact with him until he is ready to show you that he has (and is committed to...) getting help and making some serious changes! Stay safe Elizabeth.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

He's abusive. Get out now.

 

[Elizabeth1977]

And when I get a response like this from him....

Yeah I did some stuff today ohhh wow. I have said I was sorry what more do you want. It seems like it would make you happy to have my head hung for what I did knowing right now that I am on the verge of having an anxiety attack and my blood pressure is through the roof.

What now..... I feel like he is making light of the situation. Am I wrong to feel like an" I'm sorry" isn't enough???

 

[Flyaway]

It's a very messed up game he is playing- he is trying to manipulate you, make you feel guilty. Don't get sucked in! If you keep putting up with him your going to end up with PTSD... You don't want that- it's awful!!!

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Girl you need to RUN!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sweetpea76]

That is abuse. PTSD does not excuse abuse. So what if his blood pressure is through the roof... does that give him a right to lay hands on you, destroy your property and pressure you for sex?

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd also check out this thread on triggers vs. stressors. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.13912/