Inner Child Therapy

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Guys,

My T suggested today doing some Inner Child work - specifically using Penny Parks' method.

I am...

Well, your therapist did say something very important because I think the guilt that we feel often stems from our childhood. If we were abused as kid: just think how easy it is for a parent to just label that child then as a kid that does not listen?

Do you see what I mean, it just now is occurring to me that those are the kind of strings that my abusive father is still trying to pull. Can you imagine how disgusting that is? But is very common, abusers that not only abuse the child, but also then put the child into the position of believing that they are a bad kid, that they do not listen to their abusive parents. Oh yeah, that is how they work alright.

I work in a place where abusive mothers are an everyday display. They do not allow their children to make any kind of decision themselves. They hurry their kids constantly. They constantly tell the kids to obey orders that are very similar to dog ownership.

Can you just imagine how someone like that would be in a relationship? I can.

 

[joeylittle]

That's quite a healthy place to be Joey, I'd like to get there one day too.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that I'm all good in that area :bag: - just that I feel like I'm 'integrated' for lack of a better word, with myself.

I always wondered why just admitting it wasn't my fault never seemed to be enough to heal the Shame (I KNOW it isn't my fault, but I FEEL and behave as if it is). So I think the end goal is to heal those who do feel that confusion and heal the little girl/boy who still believes they are at fault so the adult can finally have influence over the child. That's what I think it's meant to be all about anyway.

I agree with this, and also with the wondering why accepting that it wasn't my responsibility doesn't make things better. But, I'd like to think that I don't need to visualize myself as two entities in order to get there.

Now I think about it, that's also probably why I've always felt CBT wouldn't work for me. Because it's all about changing how you think to affect change in mood...if there is a block which prevents any logical, healthy, cognitions affecting mood then I can't see how it would work.

I understand this - although I can tell you that it does contribute to improving, albeit slowly. When you're working on big core issues, like shame, CBT won't make a big impact the first time around on doing one exercise. After many times, though, things do start to shift. I think it's a good complement for dealing with ways that past events trigger current negative thoughts - but the other piece is doing good trauma processing, so the impact of the traumatic event is being dismantled as well.

 

[GMW]

Oh, I see what you mean Joey. No, I don't see myself as separate entities either, but I think we all have different sides of our personalities and I definitely have a logical side and an emotional side which don't affect each other very much (or at least the logical side can't get through to the emotional side). I think I will struggle with inner child work for the same reason as you - accepting that I need to talk to my emotional side as if it is a separate part of me. I think IC work is less about the belief that there is a separate you (because let's be pragmatic about this; there isn't) and is more about getting the logical side to finally have some impact on the emotional part which is carrying the shame. The way to do that is to imagine a child in the same scenario as you were and then approach them as a caring adult to rescue them. It's about showing yourself that you deserved to be rescued and loved and you weren't to blame. Ever been asked "what would you say to a friend in the same situation as you who believed they were to blame?" or "would you blame your child if it happened to them?" < it's the same sort of thing. It's using your adult logic and empathy to talk to the emotional, child-like bit of you that's clinging to the shame.

I'm going to find this hard, really hard because like you seem to be Joey; I'm down-to-earth. I may sing, draw, write, play the piano, use art therapy on myself, I try and practice self-care, I engage in all sorts of "whack-a-doodle, soft-lefty, psychological mumbo-jumbo (as my right wing hubby calls it) I champion the underdog, hug trees etc BUT doing this in front of others?? Talking to someone who isn't there in front of my therapist? ERM.... The men in white coats will be coming for me shortly, I'm sure of it!!

 

[JG75]

I had ICT with Penny Parks herself and it was definitely the best therapy I've ever had. Like you I was pretty unsure about it and felt uncomfortable with the idea of having to talk to my inner child etc but I found that I actually didn't have to do too much talking at all.

I'm not sure how it would be with a different therapist, it would depend on whether they're trained in the method or following her guide for counsellors, with Penny it was mostly her giving me the information and I just had to digest it.

I would definitely give it a shot anyway, it completely changed my life, a lot of the feelings that were trapped, were released and I guess to a degree neutralised and since seeing her I've never been so stable.

 

[joeylittle]

@JG75 - would you mind describing the process/method? It's very cool that you did this therapy with the person who created it, I'd love to know more about what it was like.

 

[JG75]

I did the therapy intensively so it was over 5 days so apologies it's all blurred a bit but I'll do my best to remember.

We started by ranking my worst memories and beliefs/feelings/symptoms so that we had something to gauge progress by.

Penny also talked about her past and about how PICT therapy came about from her basically healing herself.

We worked a bit on visualisation and learning to talk to your IC and then I had to imagine my IC at the ages they were from the worst memories, were in the room with me and then she read a list of statements along the lines of its not your fault x+y happened it was because of... and I sort of had to take that in and figuratively tell my IC that and then if one of my IC wouldn't accept that we worked through why it was such an issue until it sort of sunk in and was accepted.

We then looked at how certain situations would have been if my parents were healthy/good/resourceful and that worked really well for removing the blame/shame from myself as I realised I'd come into this world a blank slate and my experiences had shaped me to be this way.

We did other work on phobias, relationships, goals, the future etc but without looking at my manual I can't remember the methods. I found those two methods the most healing though